Anonymous wrote:Op here. Thanks all. When I say "rubbing off" I just mean that since we are not biologically related the issue of genetics and mental illness don't come into play. So I think the fact that I've started to exhibit some of her same issues is a product of nurture. Anyways, I'm able to reel it in so far but know it's not healthy, hence why I'm going to see a therapist. My Mom has every excuse in the book as to why she won't see one and I've given up trying. She's been on anti anxiety meds in the past prescribed by her GP. I think she's on the wrong med or wrong dose because they don't help.

I'm sure my therapist will help me work on ways to avoid these situations. It just doesn't occur me to lie though. If she asks "did DH like DS' new haircut?" It doesn't occur to me to say "yes" vs "oh his flight doesn't get home until later so he won't see him until the morning"

If it's of any help, I'll share a dynamic I figured out with my mother. She would get anxious and then I would get angry at her. I realized that I was getting angry because her anxiety made me anxious and I was angry at her for making me feel that way. At some point I realized that I didn't have to get anxious/angry just because she felt that way. So when she would start to get anxious, I would psychologically step back to see how I was feeling. And what I was feeling was anxiety that I had been masking with anger. I learned to sit with the anxiety and not try to do anything about it and I learned to tell myself that just because mom was anxious I didn't have to be anxious too. Eventually the anxiety dissipated but it it took a) a conscious effort to tell myself I was separate from my mom and b) a willingness to sit with the anxiety that awareness uncovered and not try to fix it.

Good luck, OP. Glad you're going to see a therapist. You have a lot of work ahead of you but you can do it!

I wish I had some useful advice for you, OP. Instead I can empathize from being in the same situation and can say that the only thing that has worked for me was to keep my mom less informed about what goes on in my life. I've come to accept that I can't do anything to decrease her anxiety and unless she is willing to get help, it will continue.