Here's a strange trend I've seen:
I know several couples where the man takes his wife's maiden name as his middle name, and the wife changes her last name to the husband's. So both husband and wife have the same middle and last names.

Both husbands I know make a big deal out of it, like it shows how progressive they are. Personally, it seems totally stupid to me. First, they went through all the paperwork just to change their middle name. Second, who uses their middle name on anything? It's just a lot of symbolism but the wife still changed her last name, which is what counts.

Personally, if I were going to use my husband's last name I would do what one of my relatives did: she uses her husband's name socially (i.e. christmas cards, school, etc) but legally and professionally, she kept her name. So no paperwork, everything is still in her birth name. But she goes by her husband's name outside of the office.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Women make this much harder then it has to be.

Kept my own name. When we had children, used my last name as their middle name. Problem solved!

Everyone knows we're married. Changing your name does not reflect in a better marriage or more solid family unit. Living an authentic married life does that.

I think this is a good compromise.

How is it a compromise? Middle names have little bearing on public life.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lesbian here — I took my wife's name, and I love it. I really wanted the whole family to have the same last name. I still get a little thrill every time I sign it – but being prevented from getting married for 15 years can do that to you, so possibly not the same situation. In any case, it really does simplify traveling and stuff with our kids.

Change your name if you can do it as an act of love and commitment towards your family. Don't do it if you feel like you have to, because you definitely don't.

This is my view as well. We are a single family unit and I want all of our last names, including mine, to reflect that. I'm so happy to have married into my DH's family line and I am proud to have my name reflect that. Other people's choices are equally valid and should be made for their own reasons that they feel strongly about. I don't get the judgement on this issue.

So you aren't your parents' daughter?

He isn't happy to be married into your family?

I can see changing your name, but OMG at your reasons for doing it.

+1

And I threw up in my mouth a little bit at "family line." Is this medieval Europe?

Anonymous wrote:Is it really simpler to teach your daughter that her name is less valuable than her eventual partner's? That she - and only she - should change who she is and who you raised her to be when she gets married or has kids?

I'm the lesbian who changed her name. What am I teaching my daughter?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I offered to change my name if DH changed his. We could create a new last name or both use hyphenated last name. He chose to keep his name and I chose to keep mine. When we had kids, I gave him another choice. The kids could have my last name or we could hyphenate. He chose to hyphenate. That was 15 years ago. We've never had complications, confusion or hassles because of it.

When the kids are adults, I'll respect their choice of name to use. My cousins had hyphenated names growing up. One kid still uses they hypenated name, one chose his mother's name, another chose her father's.

How awful

Why is this so awful?
Do you have an assurance as to what your kids will do if and when they get married? They may-- *gasp* -- decide to hyphenate their name with their spouse's.
I always think these doomsday scenarios for hyphenated kids names are strange. as if any of us knows what our kids will do if and when they get married and have kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Women make this much harder then it has to be.

Kept my own name. When we had children, used my last name as their middle name. Problem solved!

Everyone knows we're married. Changing your name does not reflect in a better marriage or more solid family unit. Living an authentic married life does that.

I think this is a good compromise.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I offered to change my name if DH changed his. We could create a new last name or both use hyphenated last name. He chose to keep his name and I chose to keep mine. When we had kids, I gave him another choice. The kids could have my last name or we could hyphenate. He chose to hyphenate. That was 15 years ago. We've never had complications, confusion or hassles because of it.

When the kids are adults, I'll respect their choice of name to use. My cousins had hyphenated names growing up. One kid still uses they hypenated name, one chose his mother's name, another chose her father's.

How awful

This is why men shouldn't marry-up.

Women make this much harder then it has to be.

Kept my own name. When we had children, used my last name as their middle name. Problem solved!

Everyone knows we're married. Changing your name does not reflect in a better marriage or more solid family unit. Living an authentic married life does that.

Anonymous wrote:I offered to change my name if DH changed his. We could create a new last name or both use hyphenated last name. He chose to keep his name and I chose to keep mine. When we had kids, I gave him another choice. The kids could have my last name or we could hyphenate. He chose to hyphenate. That was 15 years ago. We've never had complications, confusion or hassles because of it.

When the kids are adults, I'll respect their choice of name to use. My cousins had hyphenated names growing up. One kid still uses they hypenated name, one chose his mother's name, another chose her father's.

How awful

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Unless there is a good, solid practical reason for it, I would never change my name.

What would you say is a practical reason for a name change?

Both our last names are extremely common in our ethnic groups. In DH's case, half his countrymen have that last name! I didn't want my children to be lost in the name crowd, so we hyphenated, and I am sure that nobody else has that combination!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hyphenating, if you can, is a perfect solution IMO. Not all names can be easily (or nicely) hyphenated.

Silly

http://www.npr.org/2012/07/19/156923573/when-hyphen-boy-meets-hyphen-girl-names-pile-up

Insane

I offered to change my name if DH changed his. We could create a new last name or both use hyphenated last name. He chose to keep his name and I chose to keep mine. When we had kids, I gave him another choice. The kids could have my last name or we could hyphenate. He chose to hyphenate. That was 15 years ago. We've never had complications, confusion or hassles because of it.

When the kids are adults, I'll respect their choice of name to use. My cousins had hyphenated names growing up. One kid still uses they hypenated name, one chose his mother's name, another chose her father's.

Anonymous wrote:Hyphenating, if you can, is a perfect solution IMO. Not all names can be easily (or nicely) hyphenated.

Silly

http://www.npr.org/2012/07/19/156923573/when-hyphen-boy-meets-hyphen-girl-names-pile-up

Anonymous wrote:Is it really simpler to teach your daughter that her name is less valuable than her eventual partner's? That she - and only she - should change who she is and who you raised her to be when she gets married or has kids?

That's the takeaway of changing your last name only if you want it to be.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to do what feels right. I don't think it simplifies things but ymmv.

Would you use your birth name professionally still or switch that as well?

OP here..good question. I probably would keep my name professionally. But again does that complicate things even more? Is hyphenating the best of both worlds? Does anyone use different names at work and at home? Again, never considered any of this until now

I use my maiden name professionally. No real problems. Have been this way for ten years.

No one cares, even if your husband is president