Anonymous wrote: Even if I am not thinking about sex, the fact that my DH gets frisky and starts to kiss me, arouses me almost instantly. I am assuming that you are getting bad sex, and that is what you are calling 'duty sex'.

Because no one says 'no' to good sex. The pleasure is its own reward.

My advice would be to have a drink, and SHOW your DH what you want. Get frisky, change your routine, ask him to put porn on, kiss and fondle him.

Why would I tell any married couple to avoid sex? That is a recipe for disaster.

DH has to be willing to listen. What if you told him a hundred times "I don't want to be kissed like this. This doesn't feel good" or "I love oral, can you give me some?", and he still turns a deaf ear?

I used to believe DH when he said he will try. But he never had. And now I just don't have any sexual response to him touching me. It's like my body shuts down. The sad thing is that I've started to think of sex and orgasms as something I do to myself. I haven't cheated and don't know if I would. But damn it would be nice to climax with something other than my own finger.

My wife like massages. I make certain that every time she asks for a massage, I give her one. It doesn't matter if my muscles or sore or my hands hurt. She's asking me to show affection and I do my best for her. I like sex and sometimes she blows me or (Yeah!) she uses her hands. I know that it is isn't always that interested but she generally makes an effort. That few minutes goes a long way toward keeping our marriage happy.

Monogamy is unnatural.

It's clear that there is a big divide on how people view sex. There is a group that sees sex as something a couple does with one another because sex with each other is good. And there's a group that sees sex as a reward one spouse (usually the wife) controls and doles out to the other.

If you don't want to have sex, then don't. Simple as that. If not wanting to have sex is the norm for you most days of the week, then it's a problem, and you should take it upon yourself to look for ways to fix that problem. And if you don't take steps to fix a problem in the marriage that you are causing, don't be surprised when your marriage deteriorates and don't blame it on the other person.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It depends. "Simply uninterested" doesn't suffice. Part of being in a LTR is willingness to share sex when partner is interested. If you really hate the idea, what's so hard about giving a good BJ (or suitable equivalent if you're male, but somehow I doubt it . . .). Often Duty Sex turns into something at least mildly enjoyable, at least for me.

-Married almost 50 years

Uh, no. "I don't want to have sex" is enough reason not to have sex.

100% agreed. Please do NOT do anything with me that YOU are simply uninterested in.

But... if you "don't want to have sex" often enough, then I don't want to be monogamous.
It is reason enough to cheat.

And cheating is reason enough to get divorced.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Normally I didn't get anything on these four big dates and I thought it's normal since we are busy with work and kids.

Do your people normally get a treat on these days?

A treat? What the fuck is wrong with you people?

I've been with my DH 17yrs and we are busy as well. He actually just left foe a business trip (yes sinday morning). We had sex a few times this weekend because we were busy last week and both were hungry for each other. Same when he returns on Thursday. When I feel him slide into bed on Thurs night I'll be waiting naked and ready.

Indeed. We're not talking about a dog.

Anonymous wrote: Even if I am not thinking about sex, the fact that my DH gets frisky and starts to kiss me, arouses me almost instantly. I am assuming that you are getting bad sex, and that is what you are calling 'duty sex'.

Because no one says 'no' to good sex. The pleasure is its own reward.

My advice would be to have a drink, and SHOW your DH what you want. Get frisky, change your routine, ask him to put porn on, kiss and fondle him.

Why would I tell any married couple to avoid sex? That is a recipe for disaster.

Uh, no. There are many circumstances when one is inclined to say no to good sex. Not feeling well, having to deal with big stressors, being too tired, having a partner who gives awesome sex but otherwise doesn't do his share... the reasons are endless.

Anonymous wrote:Normally I didn't get anything on these four big dates and I thought it's normal since we are busy with work and kids.

Do your people normally get a treat on these days?

A treat? What the fuck is wrong with you people?

I've been with my DH 17yrs and we are busy as well. He actually just left foe a business trip (yes sinday morning). We had sex a few times this weekend because we were busy last week and both were hungry for each other. Same when he returns on Thursday. When I feel him slide into bed on Thurs night I'll be waiting naked and ready.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It depends. "Simply uninterested" doesn't suffice. Part of being in a LTR is willingness to share sex when partner is interested. If you really hate the idea, what's so hard about giving a good BJ (or suitable equivalent if you're male, but somehow I doubt it . . .). Often Duty Sex turns into something at least mildly enjoyable, at least for me.

-Married almost 50 years

Uh, no. "I don't want to have sex" is enough reason not to have sex.

100% agreed. Please do NOT do anything with me that YOU are simply uninterested in.

But... if you "don't want to have sex" often enough, then I don't want to be monogamous.
It is reason enough to cheat.

Anonymous wrote:It depends. "Simply uninterested" doesn't suffice. Part of being in a LTR is willingness to share sex when partner is interested. If you really hate the idea, what's so hard about giving a good BJ (or suitable equivalent if you're male, but somehow I doubt it . . .). Often Duty Sex turns into something at least mildly enjoyable, at least for me.

-Married almost 50 years

Uh, no. "I don't want to have sex" is enough reason not to have sex.

Anonymous wrote:I say just suck it up. I just got my period today unexpectedly and not only is it Valentine's Day tonight, but DH's birthday next week. I'm gearing mysekf up for at least two BJs for him over the next few days...

Gearing yourself up? This sounds so sad.

I say just suck it up. I just got my period today unexpectedly and not only is it Valentine's Day tonight, but DH's birthday next week. I'm gearing mysekf up for at least two BJs for him over the next few days...

Even if I am not thinking about sex, the fact that my DH gets frisky and starts to kiss me, arouses me almost instantly. I am assuming that you are getting bad sex, and that is what you are calling 'duty sex'.

Because no one says 'no' to good sex. The pleasure is its own reward.

My advice would be to have a drink, and SHOW your DH what you want. Get frisky, change your routine, ask him to put porn on, kiss and fondle him.

Why would I tell any married couple to avoid sex? That is a recipe for disaster.

Anonymous wrote:This has to be my wife.

Or 95 percent of the wives in this area.

Anonymous wrote:Why are you so lucky,, pp?

Because I have an equally decadent and indulgent (I'm not talking about Nutella brownies) wife of 17 years.