Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The problem with the "slut shaming" advocates (those that think all consensual sex is fine) is they send a message to young girls that promiscuous sex is fine. Girls often (not every single one) equate sex with love. Once they have sex, they are upset that their partner does not love them. Well, you should have had sex with them if you are going to be upset once they dump you or cheat on you. You put sex on such a low level of importance, like sharing a piece of your meal at dinner, then you want to know why they did not value you.

Also, there are men sluts. Good women will warn their friends against these male slut who often will screw with women's minds and self esteem... all while they perform consensual sex acts.

Women have devalued their bodies so much. It's a shame. Ha! Pun not intended.

People who are against "slut shaming" are not advocating promiscuity. They're saying it is wrong to devalue a person based on their sexual history. It's wrong to devalue a girl for having sex.

I totally agree that it is a problem that so many people equate sex with love, and I think it is a a problem that so many women devalue their bodies. But I don't agree that "valuing" your body equates wtih virginity. And even if a girl devalues HERSELF to the extent that she has lots and lots of sex with men who don't value her in order to gain their approval, that doesn't mean that **I** am going to participate in devaluing her by shaming her for her search for love. I would tell her I value her, no matter how many guys she has slept with.

This. I might disagree with someone's sexual choices. I might recognize that a person is making unhealthy sexual choices. I think there may be very good reasons to delay sexual activity, or to be careful about who you choose to have sex with. I recognize that sex has serious emotional, physical, and other personal consequences.

But I don't think a person's value is based on how many people they have had (consensual) sex with. A girl isn't somehow worth less as a person because she's had sex.

I agree with both of you but that is not the message being sent to the younger generation... boys and girls.

I don't think that a girl needs to "stay a virgin" but when I hear a girl has multiple partners or is giving BJ's in the middle of a HS party there is no problem with a girl being ashamed of her actions. Conversely when a boy is trying to coerce a drunk girl to have sex (not rape but being controlling) he should be ashamed of his actions.

There is always a problem with an adult shaming a child. That's what slut-shaming is. If the girl feels ashamed of her actions herself, it's not slut-shaming to say "It sounds like you wish you'd made a different decision. How do you think you can make a decision that you won't feel ashamed of in the future?" It is absolutely a problem to hear about a girl doing what you said (and, because everyone keeps forgetting, those things are not solo endeavors, yet the boys in question never get shamed - not by themselves or anyone else) for an adult to say "she sounds like a slut and I don't want you hanging out with her."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The problem with the "slut shaming" advocates (those that think all consensual sex is fine) is they send a message to young girls that promiscuous sex is fine. Girls often (not every single one) equate sex with love. Once they have sex, they are upset that their partner does not love them. Well, you should have had sex with them if you are going to be upset once they dump you or cheat on you. You put sex on such a low level of importance, like sharing a piece of your meal at dinner, then you want to know why they did not value you.

Also, there are men sluts. Good women will warn their friends against these male slut who often will screw with women's minds and self esteem... all while they perform consensual sex acts.

Women have devalued their bodies so much. It's a shame. Ha! Pun not intended.

People who are against "slut shaming" are not advocating promiscuity. They're saying it is wrong to devalue a person based on their sexual history. It's wrong to devalue a girl for having sex.

I totally agree that it is a problem that so many people equate sex with love, and I think it is a a problem that so many women devalue their bodies. But I don't agree that "valuing" your body equates wtih virginity. And even if a girl devalues HERSELF to the extent that she has lots and lots of sex with men who don't value her in order to gain their approval, that doesn't mean that **I** am going to participate in devaluing her by shaming her for her search for love. I would tell her I value her, no matter how many guys she has slept with.

This. I might disagree with someone's sexual choices. I might recognize that a person is making unhealthy sexual choices. I think there may be very good reasons to delay sexual activity, or to be careful about who you choose to have sex with. I recognize that sex has serious emotional, physical, and other personal consequences.

But I don't think a person's value is based on how many people they have had (consensual) sex with. A girl isn't somehow worth less as a person because she's had sex.

I agree with both of you but that is not the message being sent to the younger generation... boys and girls.

I don't think that a girl needs to "stay a virgin" but when I hear a girl has multiple partners or is giving BJ's in the middle of a HS party there is no problem with a girl being ashamed of her actions. Conversely when a boy is trying to coerce a drunk girl to have sex (not rape but being controlling) he should be ashamed of his actions.

Anonymous wrote:

I agree with the poster in bold above. You people who talk about a mom not being judgemental about a fictional high school girl who has multiple partners are devoid of reality.

Yes it does matter whether a parent approves of such behavior to her daughter. The reality of it is, the value system is biased towards girls bearing the burden of the shame. It always has been, that is just the reality.

High school girls are not mature enough to have sex or to have the confidence to stand by their choices. That is also reality.

I've spoken about this topic to my daughter, told her not to be judgemental but also I don't want her hanging around someone like this either. Promiscuous sex is n not okay in any circumstance. Do I think my daughter will never do this? No, but I do tell her that I will love her forever, I don't have to like or approve of every one of her choices. I am her parent not her BFF.

As a mom I would want to know where my daughter heard the term slut shaming.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The problem with the "slut shaming" advocates (those that think all consensual sex is fine) is they send a message to young girls that promiscuous sex is fine. Girls often (not every single one) equate sex with love. Once they have sex, they are upset that their partner does not love them. Well, you should have had sex with them if you are going to be upset once they dump you or cheat on you. You put sex on such a low level of importance, like sharing a piece of your meal at dinner, then you want to know why they did not value you.

Also, there are men sluts. Good women will warn their friends against these male slut who often will screw with women's minds and self esteem... all while they perform consensual sex acts.

Women have devalued their bodies so much. It's a shame. Ha! Pun not intended.

People who are against "slut shaming" are not advocating promiscuity. They're saying it is wrong to devalue a person based on their sexual history. It's wrong to devalue a girl for having sex.

I totally agree that it is a problem that so many people equate sex with love, and I think it is a a problem that so many women devalue their bodies. But I don't agree that "valuing" your body equates wtih virginity. And even if a girl devalues HERSELF to the extent that she has lots and lots of sex with men who don't value her in order to gain their approval, that doesn't mean that **I** am going to participate in devaluing her by shaming her for her search for love. I would tell her I value her, no matter how many guys she has slept with.

This. I might disagree with someone's sexual choices. I might recognize that a person is making unhealthy sexual choices. I think there may be very good reasons to delay sexual activity, or to be careful about who you choose to have sex with. I recognize that sex has serious emotional, physical, and other personal consequences.

But I don't think a person's value is based on how many people they have had (consensual) sex with. A girl isn't somehow worth less as a person because she's had sex.

Anonymous wrote:Problem is boys and girls have no business having sex to begin with. We aren't talking about men and women here. We're talking about kids, teens, high schoolers.

This notion that women have sex just to get men to love them or to win their approval is silly. Women can have consensual sex for the pure enjoyment of it - no strings attached - just as much as the men that they are sleeping with. But this is grown up stuff. Not something for teenage kids (and minivan moms) to gossip, tease and tsk tsk about.

Would I want my child to hang out with a promiscuous teen? Well no I would not. That doesn't mean that I completely frown upon unattached adults having consensual sex without a committed relationship. I don't applaud it, but it's not my beeswax.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Girls who engage in unhealthy sexual behavior have usually been subject to dysfunctional home environments, sexual or physical abuse, or other inappropriate and harmful behavior like bullying. Many girls, especially those who are really young, like 12-13, are forced into sex by older boyfriends and while they themselves may not classify it as rape, they often say it was unwanted. These are often very, very troubled young women. To slut shame them is to pile even more on them. It never helps.

I agree. But to speak of this type of teen sex as "nothing shameful," "consensual," "beautiful," and other absurd adjectives used here is equally harmful. These kids need help. Sometimes calling their behavior out for what it is can be a first step.

Anonymous wrote:It's devaluing a person, usually a woman, for sexual activity.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The problem with the "slut shaming" advocates (those that think all consensual sex is fine) is they send a message to young girls that promiscuous sex is fine. Girls often (not every single one) equate sex with love. Once they have sex, they are upset that their partner does not love them. Well, you should have had sex with them if you are going to be upset once they dump you or cheat on you. You put sex on such a low level of importance, like sharing a piece of your meal at dinner, then you want to know why they did not value you.

Also, there are men sluts. Good women will warn their friends against these male slut who often will screw with women's minds and self esteem... all while they perform consensual sex acts.

Women have devalued their bodies so much. It's a shame. Ha! Pun not intended.

People who are against "slut shaming" are not advocating promiscuity. They're saying it is wrong to devalue a person based on their sexual history. It's wrong to devalue a girl for having sex.

I totally agree that it is a problem that so many people equate sex with love, and I think it is a a problem that so many women devalue their bodies. But I don't agree that "valuing" your body equates wtih virginity. And even if a girl devalues HERSELF to the extent that she has lots and lots of sex with men who don't value her in order to gain their approval, that doesn't mean that **I** am going to participate in devaluing her by shaming her for her search for love. I would tell her I value her, no matter how many guys she has slept with.