Anonymous
Post 02/08/2015 07:53     Subject: I hate the other woman
Is he still with the OW, or did she end it with him?
Anonymous
Post 02/08/2015 05:33     Subject: I hate the other woman
Anonymous wrote:There I said it. Yes, I can hear it already ..... the issue is between you and your husband.....if you had been a better wife he wouldn't have looked elsewhere......were you putting out? ...... You married the wrong guy...... Your husband made vows to you, the OW has no obligation ..... Work on yourself .... stop focusing any energy that way ....... What issues did you bring to this situation...... Get some counseling....

I'm tired of the OW getting off the hook so easy. My marriage is finished. While I'm carrying around a 200 pound sand bag of grief, trying to put my life back together, shock, and feeling very PTSD-ish. It seems like I'm the only one paying a huge price for THEIR choices. He could have f'ing left. And she could have kept her legs together and waited for some hot single dude.

I hate my husband. I hate the other woman. So There.


Hell to the no a thousand time to the bolded. It has nothing to do with you being a good wife or a bad wife. He made the decision to cheat. While I always hold the married person to higher standards than the other affair partner, the fact that yoru husband cheated had solely to do with him being a corrupt man who couldn't respect the vows he took and whitstand temptation.

The fact that you were or were not putting out is also irrelevant. Sorry to be crude but he has got hands for a reason.
Anonymous
Post 02/08/2015 02:50     Subject: I hate the other woman
Anonymous wrote:Op, I hate her, too, on your behalf.


Me three. Never been there myself, but I'm pretty sure I would feel just as you do. You feel how you feel - never apologize for it, because you can't help it, anyway. Only thing you can control is what you do about it, and I think other posters with experience have given you good advice there. Solidarity, sister!
Anonymous
Post 02/08/2015 01:00     Subject: I hate the other woman
I hate her, too.
Anonymous
Post 02/07/2015 23:23     Subject: I hate the other woman
Anonymous wrote:I have been talking to the other woman. I just found out about their affair and the trauma has been so deep and painful but I started emailing her to ask how she sleeps at night knowing she is breaking a family with little kids. Her responses were discusting and she believes he was in love with her. He also told her lies about us getting divorced. It was news to me until I found out. I can't say she felt bad but she was honest about everything--more so than my cheating husband. It was also gratifying to see how petrified he seemed about us being in communication.

I still feel like I want to puke though. She sent me every vile email he had sent her.



This is good, in the long run. Do you have a therapist?

Keep the emails for court. Please don't put anything in writing to the OW, or it could be used in court against you. Also, do not badmouth your ex in writing. This means to the OW, or to him, or to any friends. All of that could be subpoenaed and make you look bad/hysterical.

As painful as it is, it will help you in the long run to know the truth.

I hate both of them for you too. She's a loser and your husband is a dick.

Anonymous
Post 02/07/2015 23:19     Subject: I hate the other woman
Anonymous wrote:There I said it. Yes, I can hear it already ..... the issue is between you and your husband.....if you had been a better wife he wouldn't have looked elsewhere......were you putting out? ...... You married the wrong guy...... Your husband made vows to you, the OW has no obligation ..... Work on yourself .... stop focusing any energy that way ....... What issues did you bring to this situation...... Get some counseling....

I'm tired of the OW getting off the hook so easy. My marriage is finished. While I'm carrying around a 200 pound sand bag of grief, trying to put my life back together, shock, and feeling very PTSD-ish. It seems like I'm the only one paying a huge price for THEIR choices. He could have f'ing left. And she could have kept her legs together and waited for some hot single dude.

I hate my husband. I hate the other woman. So There.



(((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))

Of course you do. You wouldn't be human if you didn't. You should hate both of them.

My wish for you is to find a place - and it's going to take a long time - when you just don't care about any of them anymore.

Anonymous
Post 02/07/2015 21:59     Subject: I hate the other woman
Also, trust me, any woman who's in love with a married man is most likely unhappy and miserable.
Anonymous
Post 02/07/2015 21:58     Subject: I hate the other woman
Anonymous wrote:I have been talking to the other woman. I just found out about their affair and the trauma has been so deep and painful but I started emailing her to ask how she sleeps at night knowing she is breaking a family with little kids. Her responses were discusting and she believes he was in love with her. He also told her lies about us getting divorced. It was news to me until I found out. I can't say she felt bad but she was honest about everything--more so than my cheating husband. It was also gratifying to see how petrified he seemed about us being in communication.

I still feel like I want to puke though. She sent me every vile email he had sent her.


Yikes. I think talking to her is a good thing. She's much more likely to tell you the truth than your husband is about what happened between them. Is this a situation where you found out about the affair? Did you confront him with it? It doesn't sound like he wants to leave. Honestly if I were you him telling another woman he was divorcing me would bother me more than him just having sex with another woman.
Anonymous
Post 02/07/2015 21:55     Subject: I hate the other woman
OP, so sorry for your pain and grief.

You have every right in the world to feel the way you do. Do not make any apologies for it.

You should be feeling hatred, anger, resentment, bitterness, grief, disappointment, betrayed, etc. The whole gamut.

And for both of them.

And none of the blame should be aimed at YOU!! You're right, he should have just left you instead of betraying you. And she should have left a married man alone.

Just keep one positive thought in mind here.

Karma. What comes around, eventually does go around. And trust me, it will...For BOTH of them. And it will bite them both where it will sting worse than a jellyfish.

In the meantime, please take care of yourself.

(((( Hugs ))))
Anonymous
Post 02/07/2015 21:50     Subject: I hate the other woman
Honestly, IMO, the other woman is really psychologically messed up. To have such little self-esteem that one is willing to live a life of self delusion is very sad, IMO. I can't actually hate her . I view her as sad and quite pathetic.
Anonymous
Post 02/07/2015 21:50     Subject: I hate the other woman
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I have been talking to the other woman. I just found out about their affair and the trauma has been so deep and painful but I started emailing her to ask how she sleeps at night knowing she is breaking a family with little kids. Her responses were discusting and she believes he was in love with her. He also told her lies about us getting divorced. It was news to me until I found out. I can't say she felt bad but she was honest about everything--more so than my cheating husband. It was also gratifying to see how petrified he seemed about us being in communication.

I still feel like I want to puke though. She sent me every vile email he had sent her.


You are concentrating too much on other people and not yourself. What happened is terrible but contacting the other woman is self-destructive. Please, take a long walk, lift weights, anything but communicate with her. What good is it going to do?


I think it can be healthy for her to communicate with OW in this particular case. Her husband was lying to both of them. Getting a clearer picture of the truth can arm her with information that will help her move on with clear eyes about the lying scumbag she now has to co-parent with.



I agree that it is better to now the facts and get things out in the open.
They can then determine if they want to continue or not.
Anonymous
Post 02/07/2015 21:47     Subject: I hate the other woman
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I have been talking to the other woman. I just found out about their affair and the trauma has been so deep and painful but I started emailing her to ask how she sleeps at night knowing she is breaking a family with little kids. Her responses were discusting and she believes he was in love with her. He also told her lies about us getting divorced. It was news to me until I found out. I can't say she felt bad but she was honest about everything--more so than my cheating husband. It was also gratifying to see how petrified he seemed about us being in communication.

I still feel like I want to puke though. She sent me every vile email he had sent her.


You are concentrating too much on other people and not yourself. What happened is terrible but contacting the other woman is self-destructive. Please, take a long walk, lift weights, anything but communicate with her. What good is it going to do?


I think it can be healthy for her to communicate with OW in this particular case. Her husband was lying to both of them. Getting a clearer picture of the truth can arm her with information that will help her move on with clear eyes about the lying scumbag she now has to co-parent with.
Anonymous
Post 02/07/2015 21:40     Subject: I hate the other woman
Anonymous wrote:I have been talking to the other woman. I just found out about their affair and the trauma has been so deep and painful but I started emailing her to ask how she sleeps at night knowing she is breaking a family with little kids. Her responses were discusting and she believes he was in love with her. He also told her lies about us getting divorced. It was news to me until I found out. I can't say she felt bad but she was honest about everything--more so than my cheating husband. It was also gratifying to see how petrified he seemed about us being in communication.

I still feel like I want to puke though. She sent me every vile email he had sent her.


You are concentrating too much on other people and not yourself. What happened is terrible but contacting the other woman is self-destructive. Please, take a long walk, lift weights, anything but communicate with her. What good is it going to do?
Anonymous
Post 02/07/2015 21:37     Subject: I hate the other woman
I have been talking to the other woman. I just found out about their affair and the trauma has been so deep and painful but I started emailing her to ask how she sleeps at night knowing she is breaking a family with little kids. Her responses were discusting and she believes he was in love with her. He also told her lies about us getting divorced. It was news to me until I found out. I can't say she felt bad but she was honest about everything--more so than my cheating husband. It was also gratifying to see how petrified he seemed about us being in communication.

I still feel like I want to puke though. She sent me every vile email he had sent her.
Anonymous
Post 02/07/2015 20:53     Subject: I hate the other woman
I would bet money he will cheat on OW too.