This is the OP-I told him this weekend that any of the unacceptable behavior (which I spelled out to him explicitly) would result in a 2-day grounding. No warning, no second chances. He lost a portion of his screen time this weekend for last week's behavior, but the weekend was good. I think that the direct and immediate consequence will make the impression I'm seeking.

It's always amusing that people respond to this threads with a lecture about how the parent who's kid is having a pretty normal behavior issue must be lousy parents who've set no limits and imposed no consequences ever before. It's ludicrous and no one believes your kid is perfect and has never misbehaved. In fact, your kid is probably the one no one wants to have for a play date because he's a little asshole.

Anonymous wrote:Discipline begins at birth not when kid is 8.5 yrs. Old. By discipline. I mean you learn to say "no," "NO." tone of voice depends on what kid is doing. You, OP, allowed disrespect all these years or he wouldn't be acting like this now.

You, PP don't know me or my kid and have no idea what I do and do not allow. I wouldn't be asking for advice if I thought it was okay and had been allowing it for years. Do you allow your children to be sanctimonious a-holes? Clearly, they will be learning it at home.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid is 11 and with few exceptions, the kids who are younger than 11/12 and act bratty, disrespectful, snarky, etc learned it at home. Parents act this way towards their kids and others and it's second nature so they don't even realize it. The result is their kids imitate them. Example you don't roll your eyes at your kid but you turn away and do it or you do it to others - your kid sees this.

I'm a PP who also mentioned they may have learned it at home. It's been my own personal experience as well, although within my own home growing up. My parents regularly called my brother and me jerks, and called people out on the road jerks while driving. Jerk jerk jerk. Everywhere. When I was 16, I called my friend a jerk. She was the sweetest person you have ever met, and she just looked at me, stunned. And told me it was really hurtful that I had called her that. Up until then, I truly didn't know it was NOT OK to call other people names.

I'm not perfect, for sure. But I try my best to model polite behavior to all. And while my 8 year old son is not perfect, it's very obvious that he's learned his behavior from me. I hear my words come out of his mouth ALL THE TIME. (the good and the bad).

Not OP but I also have a disrespectful eight year old- he didn't get it from me or my DH. He's impulsive and can say/do hurtful things without thinking it through. I have a friend with three kids and one just always "goes there" while the other two are respectful and responsible. I would say that a lot of behavior has to do with personality and maturity. Model the right things and hope that it eventually sinks in.

I wasn't saying it was the sole cause. Just that it "may" be. And gave my story in case other parents can look inward and see that their home environment may be contributing to their kids' behavior.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Discipline begins at birth not when kid is 8.5 yrs. Old. By discipline. I mean you learn to say "no," "NO." tone of voice depends on what kid is doing. You, OP, allowed disrespect all these years or he wouldn't be acting like this now.

This is crazy!

Kids push boundaries, it's what they do. Adults model good behavior and teach coping skills.

Most PP sound so egotistical and self-absorbed-- respect, respect, respect. All kids need to learn how to handle frustration and the negative feelings that come with it. Simply banning them or banishing them does not teach them these skills. It may feel good, sounds like a bit of a power trip, but when my 8yp talks back or is rude, I point it out and give her a chance to rectify the situation.

Rude to you and no playdates or favorite foods for a week? What a nut job.

A lot of kids need to learn that their words and gestures can hurt. You should teach them this.

Is this like that "conscious disciplining" in that other thread?

Yes, as parents, we should all teach our kids to handle frustration, but that doesn't mean you don't punish kids for misbehaving. Not all kids respond well to "talking" therapy. Sometimes, some kids need both - the talking to and the punishment. Do you think these parents haven't tried to teach their kids that "words and gestures" hurt? Newsflash: they don't care! The eye-rolling is about disrespect. When a kid rolls their eyes at the parent when the parent says something it's because the kid thinks that what the parent said is stupid. That needs to stop. It is disrespectful to the parent.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Discipline begins at birth not when kid is 8.5 yrs. Old. By discipline. I mean you learn to say "no," "NO." tone of voice depends on what kid is doing. You, OP, allowed disrespect all these years or he wouldn't be acting like this now.

This is crazy!

Kids push boundaries, it's what they do. Adults model good behavior and teach coping skills.

Most PP sound so egotistical and self-absorbed-- respect, respect, respect. All kids need to learn how to handle frustration and the negative feelings that come with it. Simply banning them or banishing them does not teach them these skills. It may feel good, sounds like a bit of a power trip, but when my 8yp talks back or is rude, I point it out and give her a chance to rectify the situation.

Rude to you and no playdates or favorite foods for a week? What a nut job.

A lot of kids need to learn that their words and gestures can hurt. You should teach them this.

Not that poster, but...

The things other posters have suggested do teach them this. No one suggested 'banishing' a kid without them knowing what they did wrong and why it was wrong. People in our family have a right to be treated with courtesy and not rudeness, so someone who persists in rudeness is not welcome around the rest of the group until they can behave properly. My child does not have the right to subject others to poor treatment simply out of anger or annoyance.

Someone who treats others rudely in life will probably not have other people wanting to do them any favors. I know I don't generally feel inclined to go out of my way for people who treat me badly. Playdates, specific favorite foods, electronics use, fun family outings, and the like are not necessities or rights. They are privileges, and if they are not earned through (at least) behaving with basic courtesy then they can be revoked for a time.

Anonymous wrote:Discipline begins at birth not when kid is 8.5 yrs. Old. By discipline. I mean you learn to say "no," "NO." tone of voice depends on what kid is doing. You, OP, allowed disrespect all these years or he wouldn't be acting like this now.

This is crazy!

Kids push boundaries, it's what they do. Adults model good behavior and teach coping skills.

Most PP sound so egotistical and self-absorbed-- respect, respect, respect. All kids need to learn how to handle frustration and the negative feelings that come with it. Simply banning them or banishing them does not teach them these skills. It may feel good, sounds like a bit of a power trip, but when my 8yp talks back or is rude, I point it out and give her a chance to rectify the situation.

Rude to you and no playdates or favorite foods for a week? What a nut job.

A lot of kids need to learn that their words and gestures can hurt. You should teach them this.

Discipline begins at birth not when kid is 8.5 yrs. Old. By discipline. I mean you learn to say "no," "NO." tone of voice depends on what kid is doing. You, OP, allowed disrespect all these years or he wouldn't be acting like this now.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid is 11 and with few exceptions, the kids who are younger than 11/12 and act bratty, disrespectful, snarky, etc learned it at home. Parents act this way towards their kids and others and it's second nature so they don't even realize it. The result is their kids imitate them. Example you don't roll your eyes at your kid but you turn away and do it or you do it to others - your kid sees this.

I'm a PP who also mentioned they may have learned it at home. It's been my own personal experience as well, although within my own home growing up. My parents regularly called my brother and me jerks, and called people out on the road jerks while driving. Jerk jerk jerk. Everywhere. When I was 16, I called my friend a jerk. She was the sweetest person you have ever met, and she just looked at me, stunned. And told me it was really hurtful that I had called her that. Up until then, I truly didn't know it was NOT OK to call other people names.

I'm not perfect, for sure. But I try my best to model polite behavior to all. And while my 8 year old son is not perfect, it's very obvious that he's learned his behavior from me. I hear my words come out of his mouth ALL THE TIME. (the good and the bad).

Not OP but I also have a disrespectful eight year old- he didn't get it from me or my DH. He's impulsive and can say/do hurtful things without thinking it through. I have a friend with three kids and one just always "goes there" while the other two are respectful and responsible. I would say that a lot of behavior has to do with personality and maturity. Model the right things and hope that it eventually sinks in.

+1 Kids also pick up a lot of words and behavior outside the home, especially when they spend more waking hours at school/care then they do at home - - not to mention books, movies, TV shows, etc. I now exactly which 2 kids taught my kids all the bad words and snarky remarks I've heard from them (for which they were disciplined).

We now charge a quarter per smart-aleck look or remark.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. Eliminate screen time, no matter what.

2. Ignore his behavior, so he'll stop pressing your buttons. Pretend like you don't notice and go about your business.

Ignoring just makes it seem like the behavior is right. It has to be addressed as wrong and not tolerated.

+1 And it shows that mom/dad can't do anything about it. Ignoring when a 2 yr old throws a tantrum is fine. But this kind of behavior at 8 shouldn't be "ignored". Deal with it head on.

Perhaps you might consider why he's doing it in the first place.
Anyone?

Because he's pissed off.

OP I agree with those who say nip it in the bud now. Skip the lecture they don't work. Skip the questions. I like the idea of having him plant himself somewhere that isn't fun or entertaining, and have him sit there for a while. Also there would be no nicey nicey from me. His basic needs would be met but no extras until he started showing respect.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. Eliminate screen time, no matter what.

2. Ignore his behavior, so he'll stop pressing your buttons. Pretend like you don't notice and go about your business.

Ignoring just makes it seem like the behavior is right. It has to be addressed as wrong and not tolerated.

+1 And it shows that mom/dad can't do anything about it. Ignoring when a 2 yr old throws a tantrum is fine. But this kind of behavior at 8 shouldn't be "ignored". Deal with it head on.

Perhaps you might consider why he's doing it in the first place.
Anyone?

New poster. Stuff seen in TV, in video games, from friends. or the worst, the parents talk this way to or about others.

Nope. He's doing it because he's discovered how to press your buttons.
Genius kid!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid is 11 and with few exceptions, the kids who are younger than 11/12 and act bratty, disrespectful, snarky, etc learned it at home. Parents act this way towards their kids and others and it's second nature so they don't even realize it. The result is their kids imitate them. Example you don't roll your eyes at your kid but you turn away and do it or you do it to others - your kid sees this.

I'm a PP who also mentioned they may have learned it at home. It's been my own personal experience as well, although within my own home growing up. My parents regularly called my brother and me jerks, and called people out on the road jerks while driving. Jerk jerk jerk. Everywhere. When I was 16, I called my friend a jerk. She was the sweetest person you have ever met, and she just looked at me, stunned. And told me it was really hurtful that I had called her that. Up until then, I truly didn't know it was NOT OK to call other people names.

I'm not perfect, for sure. But I try my best to model polite behavior to all. And while my 8 year old son is not perfect, it's very obvious that he's learned his behavior from me. I hear my words come out of his mouth ALL THE TIME. (the good and the bad).

Not OP but I also have a disrespectful eight year old- he didn't get it from me or my DH. He's impulsive and can say/do hurtful things without thinking it through. I have a friend with three kids and one just always "goes there" while the other two are respectful and responsible. I would say that a lot of behavior has to do with personality and maturity. Model the right things and hope that it eventually sinks in.

Anonymous wrote:My kid is 11 and with few exceptions, the kids who are younger than 11/12 and act bratty, disrespectful, snarky, etc learned it at home. Parents act this way towards their kids and others and it's second nature so they don't even realize it. The result is their kids imitate them. Example you don't roll your eyes at your kid but you turn away and do it or you do it to others - your kid sees this.

I'm a PP who also mentioned they may have learned it at home. It's been my own personal experience as well, although within my own home growing up. My parents regularly called my brother and me jerks, and called people out on the road jerks while driving. Jerk jerk jerk. Everywhere. When I was 16, I called my friend a jerk. She was the sweetest person you have ever met, and she just looked at me, stunned. And told me it was really hurtful that I had called her that. Up until then, I truly didn't know it was NOT OK to call other people names.

I'm not perfect, for sure. But I try my best to model polite behavior to all. And while my 8 year old son is not perfect, it's very obvious that he's learned his behavior from me. I hear my words come out of his mouth ALL THE TIME. (the good and the bad).

My kid is 11 and with few exceptions, the kids who are younger than 11/12 and act bratty, disrespectful, snarky, etc learned it at home. Parents act this way towards their kids and others and it's second nature so they don't even realize it. The result is their kids imitate them. Example you don't roll your eyes at your kid but you turn away and do it or you do it to others - your kid sees this.

Parents overthink everything these days. Land on him swift and hard, what that is depends on your family specifics (spanking, directly into your room, no trip to movies etc) and you'll be amazed at how quickly it changes. Ignoring is the lazy way. Constantly rewarding good behavior for an 8 1/2 year old is ridiculous.