Anonymous wrote:The problem is with the websites that allow you to do an advanced, detailed search you are limiting your pool dramatically.

Before online dating, you would notice someone first via physical attraction. You didn't know his income range, his location, his job, how many kids he has, what he does on the weekends, what books he enjoys, what he looks like in a swimsuit, etc.

Online dating is completely backwards.

If anything just go on Tinder. It is like online speed dating. No need to waste time with all the reading and studying people. They look good? Swipe right. Match? Start a conversation. Conversation not going anywhere? Unmatch and move on. Not much time invested.

The problem with tinder is that the majority of people are looking for hook ups (that has been my personal experience).

Quality, not quantity.

Anonymous wrote:The problem is with the websites that allow you to do an advanced, detailed search you are limiting your pool dramatically.

Before online dating, you would notice someone first via physical attraction. You didn't know his income range, his location, his job, how many kids he has, what he does on the weekends, what books he enjoys, what he looks like in a swimsuit, etc.

Online dating is completely backwards.

If anything just go on Tinder. It is like online speed dating. No need to waste time with all the reading and studying people. They look good? Swipe right. Match? Start a conversation. Conversation not going anywhere? Unmatch and move on. Not much time invested.

But the thing is, that is usually in person, not by a picture. My DH is a nice looking man but does not photograph well. On the other hand, I know people who look great in photos but meh in pictures - body language, charisma, etc. play a big part in attraction.

The problem is with the websites that allow you to do an advanced, detailed search you are limiting your pool dramatically.

Before online dating, you would notice someone first via physical attraction. You didn't know his income range, his location, his job, how many kids he has, what he does on the weekends, what books he enjoys, what he looks like in a swimsuit, etc.

Online dating is completely backwards.

If anything just go on Tinder. It is like online speed dating. No need to waste time with all the reading and studying people. They look good? Swipe right. Match? Start a conversation. Conversation not going anywhere? Unmatch and move on. Not much time invested.

Anonymous wrote:OP, if you are on match, and as other PPs have said, there are ways to filter out men who have no kids so that only divorced/single dads will fall into your search results.

Match has a whole set of choices for "Wants Kids" (I just went and double-checked). She doesn't even have to filter out the ones who don't have kids (restrict herself to single dads).

I think the OP is just whinging that the options who don't have or want kids are more attractive to her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good luck, OP. Give it time and the right man - who loves you and your kid - will come along. Like a PP said, you might want to look at dating single dads. Never marrieds without kids will just be on a really different plane than you. Again, good luck!

+1 to the single dads. Many of them will be in the same place as you (still want to maintain relationship with kid's mom, etc) so they can understand your feelings better.

Unfortunately, with moms still being the default custodial parent, there aren't a lot of single dads to go around.

Single dad here. Share custody with DC's mother. Have a few just like me in my group of friends.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good luck, OP. Give it time and the right man - who loves you and your kid - will come along. Like a PP said, you might want to look at dating single dads. Never marrieds without kids will just be on a really different plane than you. Again, good luck!

+1 to the single dads. Many of them will be in the same place as you (still want to maintain relationship with kid's mom, etc) so they can understand your feelings better.

Unfortunately, with moms still being the default custodial parent, there aren't a lot of single dads to go around.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a very hot friend who is 29 with a kid and she gets literally 100+ messages a week on okcupid. A good 35-50% are actually messages that looked like the guy read her profile and in her age range.

So i can't believe what the OP is saying is true if she is as hot as she says she is. Guys will definitely not care if she is that hot.

Hard to say what the difference is, but most childless young men will only want sex and will not want anything to do with the kid.

Also, it's only two years, but 29 falls into the "under 30" bucket which opens up the doors to the legions of men in their 20s.

LOL no. This is not the case. Sorry but no.

Huh?

Anonymous wrote:I am 31. One child. Ready for dating but so many men do not want to deal with moms. I am quite attractive and athletic. My child is everything to me. Is this a good place for me to look for a relationship?

You are pretty much limited to a guy with a child(ren) when online dating.

OP, if you are on match, and as other PPs have said, there are ways to filter out men who have no kids so that only divorced/single dads will fall into your search results.

You can also indicate in your own profile that you are looking for someone with kids or who wants to have kids - so that way if a man does look at your profile, he knows (if he's paying attention) what you want in a potential partner.

All that said, in your profile itself, I would be very clear that you are looking to meet/date someone who understands family life, or someone who themselves is a single parent. You don't need to write an essay on this but a sentence or two that clearly and succinctly conveys this is important.

I was on match for a little while and as single dad myself, only went on dates with single parents or women who had been divorced and/or who indicated they were open to the idea of blending a family. I can tell you that while online dating is a bit rough, I had no shortage of dates.

It took time, as dating does no matter how you meet someone, to find someone. I met someone who is a great fit for me (as I am to her) - she's a single parent and she completely understood the life as a single parent. The key is to be able to find or attract that type of person through your profile and through your own search criteria.

Take a careful look at your profile, your search criteria. If you know men who can look at your profile that would also be helpful as they can give you feedback on what men look for in a profile. Also think about the demographic you are searching through - age, ethnicity, education, distance, etc.

By the way, she contacted me first. And she found me only because one day she unmarked "Caucasian" in her filter and apparently my profile popped up as a top choice in her results.

Good luck!

~dd

Some people just aren't ok with dating someone who has kids by someone else. Those people will either stay single, find someone kid-free to have their own kids with, or eventually change their minds if they meet someone they really like who has kids.

You're still on the younger side for this area in terms of having kids; if you were a few years older, this would be more commonplace. A guy I met recently is 34 and has a 6-year-old. He told me he has a hard time meeting women in his age range who are ok with that. (Maybe I could fix up the two of you!)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can filter profiles and filter out the guys who don't want to date women with children. Then you aren't wasting your time up front.

I trued - no option for that on match

tried

Are you sure? There used to be something in the more advanced search settings- you can filter by height, race, etc. Children were included there too.

There is, on match, a "wants kids" option and a "doesn't want kids" option. I saw a LOT of women who had "I have kids" and "I don't want any more" both checked.

I was married to a single mother, and I would never do that again. Not out of baseless prejudice, but out of first hand experience. The "kid is my world" attitude is real and perhaps appropriate, but being third in the pecking order and having no voice in parenting got really really old. Someone else's problem. I see more than my share of "my kid comes first and if you don't like it, there's the door"...ok, thanks I'm leaving.

I filtered for "has no kids" and "wants kids". I do like kids, am remarried, and expecting. If I somehow wound up a single father (unimaginable to me except if I were a widower), I'd consider a single mom, but then I wouldn't be dealing with someone constantly trying to pull the "I'm a parent" trump card.

Anonymous wrote:I am 31. One child. Ready for dating but so many men do not want to deal with moms. I am quite attractive and athletic. My child is everything to me. Is this a good place for me to look for a relationship?

I understand why you might try online dating, but one problem with it is that the whole concept invites us to use "search criteria."

In the abstract, many men don't want a woman to have a child, in the same way they might generically think it would be nice if she were of the same race, religion, social background, what have you.

When we fall in love, or even crush, men (and women too) readily jettison these entirely artificial criteria/notions.

Chin up OP! -- there is a great guy out there who may be doesn't even know himself yet that he has room in his heart for you AND your child (!).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a very hot friend who is 29 with a kid and she gets literally 100+ messages a week on okcupid. A good 35-50% are actually messages that looked like the guy read her profile and in her age range.

So i can't believe what the OP is saying is true if she is as hot as she says she is. Guys will definitely not care if she is that hot.

Hard to say what the difference is, but most childless young men will only want sex and will not want anything to do with the kid.

Also, it's only two years, but 29 falls into the "under 30" bucket which opens up the doors to the legions of men in their 20s.

LOL no. This is not the case. Sorry but no.

Anonymous wrote:I have a very hot friend who is 29 with a kid and she gets literally 100+ messages a week on okcupid. A good 35-50% are actually messages that looked like the guy read her profile and in her age range.

So i can't believe what the OP is saying is true if she is as hot as she says she is. Guys will definitely not care if she is that hot.

Hard to say what the difference is, but most childless young men will only want sex and will not want anything to do with the kid.

Also, it's only two years, but 29 falls into the "under 30" bucket which opens up the doors to the legions of men in their 20s.