I'd go for maybe 1 night, 2 days with the two year old. Then come home and enjoy the break. 8 year old can fend for himself with DH and the ILs

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd never send my 2yo somewhere without me for a week. I don't see how they can say you're keeping the grand kids away from them if the older one goes. Doesn't that one count for something?

Exactly! I wouldn't either.

I agree. I kept saying no to ILs who wanted our 2yo to stay with them overnight. Tell Dh to tell them no, but give reasons that don't blame the grandoarents. Let 8yo go.

These are the defining years when you have to set boundaries.

I'm not satisfied enough from your post that MIL really poses a credible threat here. Not knowing more, I can't say whether this is you being paranoid and perhaps not liking MIL or a real problem.

How often will they be going fishing without the 2YO? Is this going to happen for long, long periods and repeatedly? If so, then it's a bigger issue than one or two days for a whole week. Presumably your MIL could handle the 2 YO for a short period in a safe environment.

Honestly, the best thing is probably for you to go. It sucks, but it's the best thing you can do for everyone. If you want to cut it short, then go for the weekend and bring the 2YO home again. Say the kid doesn't deal well with new environments and you want everyone back on the same page and sleeping well as soon as possible.

You have two options:
1. Go for a few days.
2. Send the 2yo and then go pick him up early.
Assuming the cabin isn't too close to the lake or any other dangers, I'd pick #2. I would tell your husband that he's wrong, his parents will not enjoy having the 2yo there, but you're happy to let them give it a try and you're happy to go get him when they change their minds. Expect a call by day 2. This way, you don't come between your ILs and your children or husband and you are simultaneously the savior of a bad situation. Win-win. And you get one day off from parenting.

Anonymous wrote:Your DH is going. Get over yourself and let the kids go. This wouldn't be up for discussion if it was your family. SMH.

The subject line is so misleading FYI.

+1

Anonymous wrote:Just send the 8 yo. Say it will be more fun for everyone. Old people forget how much work a 2 yo is and in a place like that, they could easily wander away.

This

Your DH is going. Get over yourself and let the kids go. This wouldn't be up for discussion if it was your family. SMH.

The subject line is so misleading FYI.

OP, I empathize with your situation. I have great parents who love their grandchildren dearly and are excellent on all fronts, but I would not leave them over multiple nights with my 2 year old.
When you are not doing it every day, you lose the prediction and "seeing things before they happen" instinct that 2 year olds need. Like scanning a room in 2 seconds and seeing every potential hazard for a climbing, curious and impulsive toddler.
In their own home, maybe. But in a strange place with a lake? That would make me a little nervous the first few hours navigating the stairs, kitchen, fireplace, paths, driveway, electric outlets etc let alone outside with the lake.
Plus even the best parents get exhausted. That's a lot of work!

Pp do you have any sons? I want to be your DIL!

I am a very capable MIL here on this end, but I just told my daughter with a 4 year old girl and a 2 year old boy that we would not want to watch him all day over President's weekend because at this stage he is just into everything, needs constant one-to-one for his own safety and at this time of the year it is not even nice to get him out to a park a lot of the time or even the yard. In a year at 3, it would be a different story as they just mature to a certain point. And this is a boy who is almost potty trained and can speak well above his age level to let you know his wants. A 2 year old may not be able to express what is bothering them, has little fear and is basically an accident waiting to happen for grandparents who are not used to having such a child or any child around. We are in good shape, but I am willing to set limits. Now we will watch both kids for them to go out at night or for a break in the day while visiting here.

OP - I would add that you should not let the 2 year old go because you have no idea of the cabin setting in terms of basic safety things even the stove. I might say that it would be good to be there a couple of days to be sure your 8 year old is getting the coverage he needs like to be sure on any water sport that he is always wearing his life jacket, that he is not just being allowed to explore on his own too far. And just generally seeing if DH is taking this as "his holiday" from parenting in general. If so, both kids should go back with you....

"That sound so fun! DH and Larla are really looking forward to it. Little Johnny's not quite old enough yet but once he becomes a strong swimmer.... we can't wait!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:why can't your husband take care of his children? would you send both kids to a cabin with just your husband? if so, then the presence of the ils is irrelevant. if you wouldn't trust your husband alone with both kids, ils there or not, then you have other problems.

Perhaps the dad is very capable of caring for his kids but succumbs to his parents' pressure when they're around. Otherwise capable and functional adults can still carry on disordered dynamics with their parents who raised them with these odd power issues. The ILs presence does factor in here.

wish i could print this out and carry it in my wallet. that is the TRUTH.

I don't allow my MIL to supervise my children on her own. She never has, and never will. If your DH would agree to skipping the fishing trip and supervising his children the entire time he's there with them, great, otherwise, I would keep the 2 year old at home.

Just say that you don't think it's in the best interest of DC2. I repeated a variation of the above to my MIL who planned to take my toddler to Florida by herself (MIL can't swim or drive and never spent more than a day with DC)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:why can't your husband take care of his children? would you send both kids to a cabin with just your husband? if so, then the presence of the ils is irrelevant. if you wouldn't trust your husband alone with both kids, ils there or not, then you have other problems.

Perhaps the dad is very capable of caring for his kids but succumbs to his parents' pressure when they're around. Otherwise capable and functional adults can still carry on disordered dynamics with their parents who raised them with these odd power issues. The ILs presence does factor in here.

Can you people not read? She said the dad and fil were going fishing leaving the 2 yo with the mil. Jeez.