You really can't be that picky if as you say you don't look like Miss America. Most men in their mid-forties are dating women 10 years younger, while most women in their mid-forties get asked out by men in their sixties. Be happy that he is a nice guy whose only problem is he looks a little shlumpy, because if he gets fixed up he will get noticed by woman in their mid thirties.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let's say he lets you fix him, you guys get married, and then a few years later he's back to being "shlumpy" - would you still want to be married to him, or is the shlumpiness a dealbreaker? Given how often people revert on stuff like this once they're comfortable, I wouldn't get involved with a need for these things to change, as opposed to a mild preference.

Can't revert if you throw out the schlumpy clothes!

He can let the hair grow out, stop trimming his beard regularly, fix his broken glasses with medical tape instead of getting new ones, keep wearing the once-stylish clothes even after they're worn and outdated, there are lots of ways to turn shlumpy again out of sheer inertia.

I love you....be different.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would. Those guys are good guys.

Agree. Some men just need some touch up here and there. But personalities cannot be changed.

I agree!

I went on a first date with a guy like this and didn't think about doing touch ups to him until we were in a committed relationship. He turned out to be the love of my life. He is the most amazingly, fantastic husband. I didn't do a major overhaul all at once, but little things here and there, like new clothes, drapes for his condo, new bedding, accent pillows, wall art/decor. We are still very different but he appreciates how I have enhanced his life. In return, he has shown me a different perspective on things. Don't make this guy a project. Appreciate who he is, then suggest little things here and there.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Make me think of another shlumpy guy who ended up quite nice.

Steve Jobs

He was a class a a-hole- read his biography.... Now his wife is enjoying Adrian Fenty's attentions.

I would put up with his ass-holiness for that much money.

I don't know - those are small fixes. I wouldn't try to make him do it too early, though, or you'll come off as controlling.

I've got a few guy friends I would LOVE to make over a little bit - I think it might help them find nice women. Nothing major, but it's amazing sometimes what a better haircut or more updated glasses can do.

I've "made over" a couple of boyfriends. With one of them, I apparently did such a good job that the girlfriend after me thanked me for doing it. He was kind of a redneck from South Dakota who wore Walmart jeans, but had a great build, so I helped him upgrade the wardrobe a bit (he asked) and he ended up looking really good. Helped him with women and job hunting.

Yes. Fix him up. I have done it before.

Straight up tell him to his face that you want to update his glasses. Then plan a shopping trip, go to the eyeglass store, and pick out a cool style (I like the ray ban style for eyeglasses right now)

Also tell him you would like his to trim (or shave off) his beard.

If he can't deal with this then dump him. He's not the guy for you.

Anonymous wrote:Let's say he lets you fix him, you guys get married, and then a few years later he's back to being "shlumpy" - would you still want to be married to him, or is the shlumpiness a dealbreaker? Given how often people revert on stuff like this once they're comfortable, I wouldn't get involved with a need for these things to change, as opposed to a mild preference.

Can't revert if you throw out the schlumpy clothes!

Let's say he lets you fix him, you guys get married, and then a few years later he's back to being "shlumpy" - would you still want to be married to him, or is the shlumpiness a dealbreaker? Given how often people revert on stuff like this once they're comfortable, I wouldn't get involved with a need for these things to change, as opposed to a mild preference.

Anonymous wrote:Does he get to fix you?

+1

If you enjoy being around the guy, just wish he had better glasses, etc., go for it. IF you think those traits bely some deeper nerdiness you are not into, cut loose.

Seriously I am a nerd and have dated mostly nerd guys. They are the best. My DH is an unbelievable father, have NEVER worried about these guys cheating on me, they adore me, and they're smart, responsible and fun. And they take care of themselves too -- my DH looks amazing in middle age because he is organized enough to take good care of himself and exercises regularly. I only wish I looked so good.

But you can't be too shallow -- yeah, my husband still has geeky habits and a few clothes he stubbornly hangs onto (I give him clothing as part of his presents for birthdays, etc., but I never push him to do anything different.)

He sounds nice! Some men just need a nice wife to turn them around. They obviously have to be open to it.

On our first date, DH wore white athletic socks with khakis...
Second date he wore jean shorts and a cutoff shirt.

He's a great guy, just had no idea how to dress, cut his hair or shoes. I take care of all that now and he loves his clothes. He had no idea how much better leather shoes are.

He fixed up my car too and takes care of my problems when he sees them. I see it as an even exchange in relationships.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would. Those guys are good guys.

Agree. Some men just need some touch up here and there. But personalities cannot be changed.

Yes to this. As long as it minor tweaking like new glasses and a bit more hair trimming. If it's major, like extra weight or he dresses like The Dude while you prefer David Beckham, then NO.

Schlumpy guys try harder!