Anonymous wrote:My SIL did the oops baby thing. she got the baby and a divorce. He wasn't as thrilled as she thought he'd be.

So did my MIL. That was her second divorce.

My SIL did the oops baby thing. she got the baby and a divorce. He wasn't as thrilled as she thought he'd be.

I'd believe him he's done. I'm a woman and definitely know I'm done, and no amount of convincing would change that if DH wanted one; I also know my husband is completely done, and even if I wanted another, there's NO way he'd be okay with it.

Talk it out with him. Go to counseling if you need to, together or alone. But you in all likelihood need to accept he doesn't want one.

OP, you say in the end, you "know" that he will be thrilled w/the third. How are you sure this will be??

If your husband is stating that he does not want a third child right now, I think you should take his word for it. It sounds to me as if you are disregarding what he is feeling + not taking his words seriously.

For some people, two children is enough and if he truly feels that he doesn't want another child, then I wouldn't force the issue. Each child should come into the world wanted, planned and loved equally and it would be unfair to bring another child into your family if one parent wasn't 100% on board.

I would be happy and blessed w/the family you have and take joy in what you have.

My Dh pushed me into a second kid because he didn't want our oldest to be an only child. I didn't want another one because pregnancy was hell for me, but Dh really, really wanted a second one. I love our second child so much but while I was pregnant I felt so hateful towards Dh that I almost filed divorce. I would be cautious about pushing another child. I really think things work best when both people are on board because kids are a huge commitment.

"Your girls will surely be in love with a new baby - that I can pretty much guarantee you."

Another DCUMer with a crystal ball! Are y'all in a cult, or something?

Your DH is letting you know that he is happy with his life as it is and doesn't want to rock the boat. Of course he would love the child if there was another one, but he is more concerned about the stress it would put on him and you and the whole family. I think it would be good for you to try to change your perspective and appreciate what you have. Then look at why you feel there is a hole in your life and what else you can do to fill it.

My DB divorced bc of this issue. His now ex wife kept after him about having another child when he is DONE. Not listening to your spouse about an issue like having additional kids points to a marriage and communication issue.

My BIL never married bc he does not want any children. His ex-gf stayed with him for 15 yrs hoping he'll change his mind and now she's too old to have kids.

Having children or limiting the number of kids is not a compromisable issue, you both have to come to a decision you can live with or find someone else.

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Anonymous wrote:Talk to him, OP. Maybe he'll convince you to get a puppy instead, but at least he'll know that this is still a want of yours and weighs heavily on your mind. Good luck, I've heard many stories of parents who regretted stopping when they did, but I've never heard stories of parents regretting that they had too many. And my second was colicky, oh Lord it was pure hell. Our third was totally easy, so don't let your DH be too traumatized, there is hope!

I have.

+1 So have I. Twice from women who had their third after 35 and the baby had special needs/health issues. They love their children, of course, but it puts a huge burden on the entire family and changes everything.

You don't have to be over 35 to have SN children. The poster(s) who constantly make snide and vicious remarks about older mothers make me sick.

But you do know that the risk of having a special needs child goes up the older you get, right? Is it vicious to make that observation?

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Talk to him, OP. Maybe he'll convince you to get a puppy instead, but at least he'll know that this is still a want of yours and weighs heavily on your mind. Good luck, I've heard many stories of parents who regretted stopping when they did, but I've never heard stories of parents regretting that they had too many. And my second was colicky, oh Lord it was pure hell. Our third was totally easy, so don't let your DH be too traumatized, there is hope!

I have.

+1 So have I. Twice from women who had their third after 35 and the baby had special needs/health issues. They love their children, of course, but it puts a huge burden on the entire family and changes everything.

You don't have to be over 35 to have SN children. The poster(s) who constantly make snide and vicious remarks about older mothers make me sick.

DH and I did some couples counseling when ours were 5 and 2 because he wanted one more and I didn't. It was very helpful for both of us in processing the decision. I got to explain just how depleted I would feel with a third, and he got to mourn the larger family he had imagined having. Almost ten years later we are happily married and happy with our two wonderful kids.

OP What make you want another child? Look at the four or five to things you list and see if that need can't be filled in another way. You can probably talk your husband into a third child, and he will probably be fine with the child. But do you want to take that risk?

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Anonymous wrote:I pushed my DH for a third with the two older ones same age as yours. I was also 38. Luckily, we now have a beautiful healthy happy 9 month old and the entire family is so in love with her. Especially DH.
That said, it could have easily gone differently. I know I took a huge risk. But she is the best thing ever.
DH loves her so much he has mentioned a 4th.
I am mandating a vasectomy ASAP.
Also I work and we have a great nanny. Money a non-issue.
If finances are a concern, totally different discussion.
Your girls will surely be in love with a new baby - that I can pretty much guarantee you.

And this is more important than her husband's repeated statements that he doesn't want a third child?

Sometimes women amaze me. Next someone will suggest she have an "oops" baby on purpose.

I don't care for the dismissal of "women," but I agree that it's a terrible idea for OP to push her husband to have another child. Awful. My father didn't want any of his children. To say the least, that had a negative effect on our lives.

I'm the woman who wrote that, and I'm not dismissing all women. I'm sorry if it came across that way. I just don't understand why some women urge others to "go for it" when the husband in question has clearly said he doesn't want another child.

A few women have said that. Many more have urged her not to have another child. I don't know why you'd say that the first position is characteristic of "women".

My point is that it is always women who urge this. I guess I should have written that "some women amaze me."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I pushed my DH for a third with the two older ones same age as yours. I was also 38. Luckily, we now have a beautiful healthy happy 9 month old and the entire family is so in love with her. Especially DH.
That said, it could have easily gone differently. I know I took a huge risk. But she is the best thing ever.
DH loves her so much he has mentioned a 4th.
I am mandating a vasectomy ASAP.
Also I work and we have a great nanny. Money a non-issue.
If finances are a concern, totally different discussion.
Your girls will surely be in love with a new baby - that I can pretty much guarantee you.

And this is more important than her husband's repeated statements that he doesn't want a third child?

Sometimes women amaze me. Next someone will suggest she have an "oops" baby on purpose.

I don't care for the dismissal of "women," but I agree that it's a terrible idea for OP to push her husband to have another child. Awful. My father didn't want any of his children. To say the least, that had a negative effect on our lives.

I'm the woman who wrote that, and I'm not dismissing all women. I'm sorry if it came across that way. I just don't understand why some women urge others to "go for it" when the husband in question has clearly said he doesn't want another child.

A few women have said that. Many more have urged her not to have another child. I don't know why you'd say that the first position is characteristic of "women".

Anonymous wrote:Stop using your birth control. Problem solved.

Do NOT do this. What an awful suggestion.