Anonymous
Post 01/25/2015 23:37     Subject: At my wits end, son keeps breaking everything

My child has ADHD and is not rough or violent but distracted and clumsy.
Well, that is still no excuse for breaking things! He gets punished and I wish to goodness boys were disciplined as much as girls in this matter.

There is "boys will be boys" in my house. DH has ADHD too and is very careful and precise.
Anonymous
Post 01/25/2015 23:13     Subject: At my wits end, son keeps breaking everything
Sometimes I wish that posters would indicate whether they have a special needs child or not. The truth is that ADHD kids don't respond as well to classic reward incentives and punishments. I can take all my ADHD kid's toys away, cancel play dates, whatever, and he's like "Okay." It really just punishes me, because it takes away the constructive outlets for his energy. (Also, with ADHD kids, playdates are sort of like home work ... they really need that sort of one-on-one peer interaction to work on their social skills. So I do cancel them when I'm mad, then kick myself later because I think it ultimately has little positive effect and a lot of negative effect.)
That said, it might work to have him somehow work to help pay for the things he broke -- "Well, we need to buy a new humidifier now, and that costs $20, so I'll need you to vacuum all the rooms to pay for that." If you can get him to do it, it's sort of win-win, because you've: (1) Made your point; (2) Got him to expend some energy; and (3) got your floors vacuumed. If he refuses, you're back in the pointless punishment loop (a loop that I run around 10x a day...).
I also agree with all the suggestions to: (1) get a box of old electronics from good will or wherever; (2) put all breakables away; (3) have a discussion about rules and consequences. I'd also suggest trying to keep an eye out for triggers. Is he doing things like this while he's watching TV or reading, for instance? My kid will chew through his clothes while reading or watching TV. I don't think he notices he's doing it. So I try to remember to give him gum at those times. If he's twisting charger cords while watching TV or doing his homework, he could some therapy putty to twist instead.
Good luck.
Anonymous
Post 01/25/2015 21:51     Subject: Re:At my wits end, son keeps breaking everything
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I've got a mix of this at home. Four boys in my house (if you count my DH). I feel like its a house of toddlers...and my kids are all in middle and high school!!
My hours are great kids and super laid back-not at all problematic or hyper. However, they are just, like, rough. My oldest boy is a football player and he's huge...and I swear that human kind has not yet created things that withstand his wrath. His bed frame is even now broken just from his size (he's not fat just really huge, 6 foot 4 and all heavy muscle).

When my boys walk around the house everything shakes. Walking down steps sounds like an avalanche. They don't just put a plate in the dishwasher--they smash it into the dishwasher. It's like living with four incredible hulks. Or four Lenny's from Of Mice and Men.

At this point I've kind of taken the stance that it's just stuff. Yeah it's annoying and it bums me out but it's just stuff. Things that I really want safe I keep away from the general areas of where the family spends the most amount of time. I continue to make buying purchases (furniture, dishes) as if I had a houseful of toddlers.

Side note OP: my youngest son was one of those take apart-ers. Oh my gosh he drove me insane when he was around 6-8. Everything in my house was taken apart and put back together. Today he is a super bright math science kid who spends his free time doing surgery online. Read "Snowball" (bio of warren buffet) he talks about how he made his parents insane doing the same thing. You'll at least get a laugh.

Not saying not to set boundaries and let your kid go crazy, just saying now that I am into the years when my kids are all older (one heading to college)...looking back I realize that sometimes you don't need to go all time-out and reward chart crazy over every single thing. It really is a balance of giving your kid boundaries but being able to chill out about the small stuff. Figurines break. A mouse is cheap. It's okay to just not worry about it. Plenty of stuff that's much bigger to worry about. And bottom line, boys are rough--and not just when they are little!! I call my 45 year old husband "The Crusher".





Why do we always excuse boys for being "rough"? Can't they learn modify their behavior appropriately? Girls and women certainly do. We modify and modify and modify until we no longer know who we are. Meanwhile, males are just forgiven... "boys will be boys" and all that. I'm not just talking about smashing stuff.

It's really weird.


I dunno. I don't think my boys do anything intentionally, they are just rougher than a girl might be. Realistically, I think boys and girls genetically are different. I can't see a girl doing many of the things my boys do. Are what they are. Don't really stress about it and don't want to spend time focusing on it, not a big deal to me. As long as they treat others well, they are respectful, good citizens, good humans... Don't really care if they stomp down the stairs.
My mom on the other hand- she goes crazy. She comes over and is constantly yelling at the boys that they sound like elephants.
Anonymous
Post 01/25/2015 18:08     Subject: At my wits end, son keeps breaking everything
I agree with PPs who are advising you to channel his curiosity towards science kits, building kits, etc. He sounds like a really bright boy! I'm sure it's frustrating that he's breaking everything but I'm sure he'll get over this stage. The thing he'll carry his whole life is his fearlessness and curiosity which is awesome.


Anonymous wrote:One thing you can do is get him kits for experimenting. He is curious how things work. I can't tell you how many clocks I took apart as a kid. Get him an old style windup alarm clock.
Anonymous
Post 01/25/2015 18:00     Subject: At my wits end, son keeps breaking everything
Anything that is really precious to you stays locked up. Don't leave it where he can get to it. For the rest, work on the behavior modifications.
Anonymous
Post 01/25/2015 17:43     Subject: At my wits end, son keeps breaking everything
Anonymous wrote:my ADHD kid breaks things out almost nervous habit, she just has to be doing something with her hands all the time. If that is the problem, put something in his hands, drawing pad, silly putty, rubkic cube. Teach him to knit or something that he can do with his hands.


This. Also, get him used or broken stuff of his own to take apart
Anonymous
Post 01/25/2015 17:24     Subject: At my wits end, son keeps breaking everything
Well, since it sounds as if he gets into stuff when alone, how about making the punishment being that he must be in arms length of you?
Anonymous
Post 01/25/2015 15:55     Subject: At my wits end, son keeps breaking everything
my ADHD kid breaks things out almost nervous habit, she just has to be doing something with her hands all the time. If that is the problem, put something in his hands, drawing pad, silly putty, rubkic cube. Teach him to knit or something that he can do with his hands.
Anonymous
Post 01/25/2015 15:45     Subject: At my wits end, son keeps breaking everything
Anonymous wrote:I did the same thing as a kid, getting my hands on things that I wasn't suppose to and breaking things by taking them apart, plus add-in going through stuff I had no business going through. There was literally nothing my parents could keep away unless it was locked up. All pretty classic for a certain type of impulsive ADHD.

You should talk about it with his doctor. Medication may help.



Op here. Thank you for this perspective. Makes me not feel like a total f-up. Our ds is on meds currently, but maybe we need to reevaluate.
Anonymous
Post 01/25/2015 15:41     Subject: Re:At my wits end, son keeps breaking everything
Op here again. To all pps who suggested old electronics, the erector sets, the electricity thing thank you. Excellent suggestions and we will definitely do that.

Also, the idea of boundaries about not touching things versus not breaking things is also good. Well have to do that. I think tonight we'll sit down with ds and go over what is ours and not touchable versus what he's permitted to touch and basically punish/discipline on weather he touches/plays with unacceptable things versus breaks them.

Thanks for all tyhgrefeedback. If anyone thinks of anything else, is love to hear it.
Anonymous
Post 01/25/2015 15:36     Subject: At my wits end, son keeps breaking everything
Anonymous wrote:A lot of good advice here.

First thing that comes to my mind is access -- humidifier, mouse, iPad chargers -- why does a 7 year old have access to all that? Of course if he is playing with that stuff then some of it will break. This should be a "not accessible for him to play with" rule, not an access rule.

If something expensive and fragile is within his reach, he should understand he's not to fool around with it. If he can't control himself, then remove it to somewhere where he can't mess around with it.

The issue here, it seems to me, is not that he is breaking things. It's that he is fooling around with things he shouldn't be, and things are being broken in the course of that.

These things aren't toys for 7 year olds, ADD or not.


Op here.thanks for your post. Regarding access, it's not like we do things on purpose, but some things we thought, well, like the humidifier. We have (well had) 3 that sat on the floor, one in each kids room and one in ours. He broke the one in his room.

Laptop like I mentioned was just out. Top down, he never used it. Doesn't know password. We started keeping that out away. Charger, looks like the end was just twisted off. Each time something breaks, we change rules, take similar items away, etc. B it's something new/different each time.

Anonymous
Post 01/25/2015 15:34     Subject: At my wits end, son keeps breaking everything
I like the idea of giving him things he can take apart. I also wanted to mention that it sounds like your family may be caught in a negative feedback type of loop. Maybe this is way of seeking your attnetion and he takes what he can get? Some kids will take any kind of feedback, even getting yelled at. Because they crave attention.
Anonymous
Post 01/25/2015 15:31     Subject: Re:At my wits end, son keeps breaking everything
Anonymous wrote:I've got a mix of this at home. Four boys in my house (if you count my DH). I feel like its a house of toddlers...and my kids are all in middle and high school!!
My hours are great kids and super laid back-not at all problematic or hyper. However, they are just, like, rough. My oldest boy is a football player and he's huge...and I swear that human kind has not yet created things that withstand his wrath. His bed frame is even now broken just from his size (he's not fat just really huge, 6 foot 4 and all heavy muscle).

When my boys walk around the house everything shakes. Walking down steps sounds like an avalanche. They don't just put a plate in the dishwasher--they smash it into the dishwasher. It's like living with four incredible hulks. Or four Lenny's from Of Mice and Men.

At this point I've kind of taken the stance that it's just stuff. Yeah it's annoying and it bums me out but it's just stuff. Things that I really want safe I keep away from the general areas of where the family spends the most amount of time. I continue to make buying purchases (furniture, dishes) as if I had a houseful of toddlers.

Side note OP: my youngest son was one of those take apart-ers. Oh my gosh he drove me insane when he was around 6-8. Everything in my house was taken apart and put back together. Today he is a super bright math science kid who spends his free time doing surgery online. Read "Snowball" (bio of warren buffet) he talks about how he made his parents insane doing the same thing. You'll at least get a laugh.

Not saying not to set boundaries and let your kid go crazy, just saying now that I am into the years when my kids are all older (one heading to college)...looking back I realize that sometimes you don't need to go all time-out and reward chart crazy over every single thing. It really is a balance of giving your kid boundaries but being able to chill out about the small stuff. Figurines break. A mouse is cheap. It's okay to just not worry about it. Plenty of stuff that's much bigger to worry about. And bottom line, boys are rough--and not just when they are little!! I call my 45 year old husband "The Crusher".



Op here. Thank you. Just. Thank you.
Anonymous
Post 01/25/2015 14:48     Subject: At my wits end, son keeps breaking everything
I did the same thing as a kid, getting my hands on things that I wasn't suppose to and breaking things by taking them apart, plus add-in going through stuff I had no business going through. There was literally nothing my parents could keep away unless it was locked up. All pretty classic for a certain type of impulsive ADHD.

You should talk about it with his doctor. Medication may help.
Anonymous
Post 01/25/2015 13:53     Subject: At my wits end, son keeps breaking everything
I second the idea of getting him some used things to take apart and put back together

If nothing else, you can redirect him to that when he misbehaves "Steven, get your hands off my iPad please. If you want to take something apart, here's that alarm clock we got you."