Anonymous wrote:I grew up in a very abusive, fucked up family. One brother escaped through the military and I escaped through college. When I was 20 (by this time my father was gone), I completely cut off my younger (by 15 months) brother. He was heavily into drugs and engaged in criminal behavior. He was prone to violent outbursts and had some sort of mental illness. I loved him very much but the risk of it pulling me down was too great. During one of his stints in jail, my mother and I agreed that if he were to come back home, he'd have to stop drinking and doing drugs. He couldn't do them at home and if he did them somewhere else, he had to stay there. My mother was his chief enabler and so it didn't take long for him to begin using again at home. I then cut off contact with her. I felt like I needed to do that because I was struggling so much myself. I had 3 jobs which gave me more than full time hours and the flexibility to also go to school full time - as well as income. I was working so hard to keep my shit together and create a better life for myself that I didn't want to get drawn into an emotional cesspool. My brother killed himself a year later. I don't regret cutting off contact with him. It was very much a 'secure your own oxygen mask first' kind of thing. He was so far gone and I wasn't in a position to help him. My memories of him are all wrapped in sorrow. None of us deserved how we grew up.

PP, I can totally relate. For me the realization came one year when I came home for Thanksgiving. yuk. and it was just suffocating. only sensible way to survive

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sister, about 6 years ago. She's negative and mean for sport. When she's on paxcil she's funny but she doesn't take it consistently because she doesn't like the way it makes her feel. Fair enough. I don't like the way he constant blaming and overall negativity makes me feel so I'm done. That is Gone with a D.

Aren't you a peach.

NP. Can we retire this idiotic response?

SIL is a nutjob. The first time I visited DH's family before we got married, we stayed at their house. She went through my luggage and stole my iPad. DH found it hidden in an obscure place in her bedroom and she had the guts to make up a reason for taking it (though we or parents didn't believe her). She is definitely emotionally stunted. She also has a prolific social media account with a few.hundred followers and she mostly complains about how hard her job is so it's beyond me.why her account is so popular. When I was pregnant, she kept asking us when she could announce that she'd be an aunt. Like, weekly. I told her we didn't want her to say anything because we don't want our kid's picture and name posted for hundreds of strangers and she went off about how unfair we were because we put pictures of the kid up.on our private pages. She then told everyone that we were cutting her out of our lives, which wasn't true at the time. But then we.realized we didn't want that kind of crazy around our kid anyway. It's not a loss for us, since we were never close to her and in the 6 years we've been married she hasn't ever come out to visit.

Cut off ties with a sibling who decided to became an evangelical Christian. I also don't interact with her children nor do I let my kid to do the same. Very, VERY fucked up family. She told my daughter would go to hell because she was dating a Jewish boy in HS.

This isn't in the same vein as the others but I refused to interact with my extended ILs for about a 6 year period. My MIL/FIL were very nice people but with the exception of 1 cousin, the rest of my DH's family were incredibly rude, insulting and make it very clear I wasn't welcome (I'm of a different ethnicity than them). DH and I came close to ending our engagement over it - he wouldn't call them on their behavior and just wanted me to ignore it. I realized I didn't have an IL problem but a BF problem. We went to counseling to help address it. Then BF (now DH) addressed it with them which is what I needed to see. After that, I just refused to go to any family event (except those hosted by my MIL/FIL). DH was welcome to go but I wouldn't. Five years after our wedding and about a year after I had our first kid, they extended an olive branch which I accepted although there's one I refuse to interact with (she's such a fucking bitch!) but I'm willing to be polite so my kids can have a relationship with their cousins.

My MIL. She is a mean and crazy bitch. I just don't have time for her drama.

My spouse will visit her once a year.

I struggle with what to do with some relatives from my dad's side who are just impossible to be around, yet are very lonely due to their isolating behaviors. On the one hand, I feel bad that they're all alone in their old age and they weren't abusive towards me, have been generous on occasion. But on the one hand, they spend the entire time I'm with them criticizing, making fun of my family, belittling our choices, and insisting that we take them up on babysitting offers (which I would, except for major safety issues). It's really insufferable. I don't want and don't mean to cut them off, but I also can't bare to spend time with them. Maybe if I were partially deaf like my dad, it would be easier to get along with them - if I couldn't hear half of what they say, they'd seem a lot more reasonable.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Quote:"Many administrators are paid for the work of settling the estate. You could have worked during that period and made your salary while she took care of the estate. Not doing so seems like cutting off your nose to spite your face."

No kidding. Really? What part did you not get that I'm the care giver/ primary support for a dying daughter and husband? And my millionaire sister is all about wanting to make sure she is paid? ? Even though I did just as much work as my sister but had to go out of town to do this with no vacation which was used up already with my daughter? FMLA is a joke and I used paid time up months ago.

What makes you think a sister like that has anything of value to keep a relationship for someone in my situation? I gave her the money and never will talk with her again.

It sounds like your sister is wrapped up in her own life and probably didn't realize the effect it was having on you. Have you tried talking to her about how it made you feel?

NP here. What makes you think she hasn't? Your questions are insulting. Chances are, this is a pattern she has dealt with her whole life. She probably tried many times to have a different relationship. She doesn't need to justify it to us.

Anonymous wrote:My cousin is a lifelong drug addict and my uncle (not his dad) is a lifelong alcoholic. Both have lied to, stolen from and embarrassed me too many times. I haven't spoken to either since my wedding 15 years ago.

Very similar to my situation. My family and I are WAY better off without them. Never miss them or anything about them.

I grew up in a very abusive, fucked up family. One brother escaped through the military and I escaped through college. When I was 20 (by this time my father was gone), I completely cut off my younger (by 15 months) brother. He was heavily into drugs and engaged in criminal behavior. He was prone to violent outbursts and had some sort of mental illness. I loved him very much but the risk of it pulling me down was too great. During one of his stints in jail, my mother and I agreed that if he were to come back home, he'd have to stop drinking and doing drugs. He couldn't do them at home and if he did them somewhere else, he had to stay there. My mother was his chief enabler and so it didn't take long for him to begin using again at home. I then cut off contact with her. I felt like I needed to do that because I was struggling so much myself. I had 3 jobs which gave me more than full time hours and the flexibility to also go to school full time - as well as income. I was working so hard to keep my shit together and create a better life for myself that I didn't want to get drawn into an emotional cesspool. My brother killed himself a year later. I don't regret cutting off contact with him. It was very much a 'secure your own oxygen mask first' kind of thing. He was so far gone and I wasn't in a position to help him. My memories of him are all wrapped in sorrow. None of us deserved how we grew up.