Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

God. I see so many "brilliant" amd highly educated people in this town that simply can't handle real life or excel at a job. I'm a lawyer and interview and hire many people that fit this profile. After years of figuring out that many young lawyers fitting this profile simply can't hack the work and rarely are the ones to excel, I stopped hiring the most "berilliant."

So who do you hire? And how do you justify it?

I will now hire someone that may not have the highest IQ or graduated from top IVY, but is a hard worker, knows how to hit the ground running, doesn't get upset by the slightest setback, and knows how to work hard for what the want. Basically the opposite of OP's wife. Yes, I sound like a jerk, but it's the truth. I see way to many top graduates who somehow feel entitled to the dream job, who have absolutely no idea what it takes to excel in the real real world and simply can't believe they the they aren't snatched on the spot. The best thing OP can do for his wife is in fact to take off the kid gloves and tell DW to grow a pair. As I mentioned, this town is full of over-educated academics. If she wants to get a job she needs to show some real character traits that separate her from the rest.

+1

I have found the same thing. FWIW, I'm in finance not law. But I have noticed a tendency among people with the very highest GPAs from the most well regarded schools to flame out early. The quality you really want to see is perseverance but you can only tease that out in conversation and even then it's just your subjective opinion that a particular candidate has it.

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like she'll be riding the SAHM gravy train for the rest of her life.

Hope your kids have more ambition than your wife. Hope you don't have to deal with them with kid gloves.

Anonymous wrote:She is totally unsure of what she wants, has a PhD but doesn't want to do academia (it's a social sciencey degree) and basically freaks out when I try to encourage her to get out there. She assumes every silence after an application means she will never, ever find work, gets disenchanted and gives up. Only to come around and realize that being a SAHM is not fulfilling enough and begins to make baby steps.

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like she'll be riding the SAHM gravy train for the rest of her life.

Hope your kids have more ambition than your wife. Hope you don't have to deal with them with kid gloves.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

God. I see so many "brilliant" amd highly educated people in this town that simply can't handle real life or excel at a job. I'm a lawyer and interview and hire many people that fit this profile. After years of figuring out that many young lawyers fitting this profile simply can't hack the work and rarely are the ones to excel, I stopped hiring the most "berilliant."

So who do you hire? And how do you justify it?

I will now hire someone that may not have the highest IQ or graduated from top IVY, but is a hard worker, knows how to hit the ground running, doesn't get upset by the slightest setback, and knows how to work hard for what the want. Basically the opposite of OP's wife. Yes, I sound like a jerk, but it's the truth. I see way to many top graduates who somehow feel entitled to the dream job, who have absolutely no idea what it takes to excel in the real real world and simply can't believe they the they aren't snatched on the spot. The best thing OP can do for his wife is in fact to take off the kid gloves and tell DW to grow a pair. As I mentioned, this town is full of over-educated academics. If she wants to get a job she needs to show some real character traits that separate her from the rest.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

God. I see so many "brilliant" amd highly educated people in this town that simply can't handle real life or excel at a job. I'm a lawyer and interview and hire many people that fit this profile. After years of figuring out that many young lawyers fitting this profile simply can't hack the work and rarely are the ones to excel, I stopped hiring the most "berilliant."

So who do you hire? And how do you justify it?

I will now hire someone that may not have the highest IQ or graduated from top IVY, but is a hard worker, knows how to hit the ground running, doesn't get upset by the slightest setback, and knows how to work hard for what the want. Basically the opposite of OP's wife. Yes, I sound like a jerk, but it's the truth. I see way to many top graduates who somehow feel entitled to the dream job, who have absolutely no idea what it takes to excel in the real real world and simply can't believe they the they aren't snatched on the spot. The best thing OP can do for his wife is in fact to take off the kid gloves and tell DW to grow a pair. As I mentioned, this town is full of over-educated academics. If she wants to get a job she needs to show some real character traits that separate her from the rest.

Anonymous wrote:

God. I see so many "brilliant" amd highly educated people in this town that simply can't handle real life or excel at a job. I'm a lawyer and interview and hire many people that fit this profile. After years of figuring out that many young lawyers fitting this profile simply can't hack the work and rarely are the ones to excel, I stopped hiring the most "berilliant."

So who do you hire? And how do you justify it?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

This is her journey to take. There's not much you can do. She has to choose to be aggressive about it. Next time she complains, point out she is 100% in control to fix that. It's a decision, not a personality trait, to actively pursue a job.

OP here. This isn't helpful. My wife is going through a hard time and as her partner it's my obligation to be supportive. I can easily put my hands in the air and say whatever, but having an unhappy spouse is poison and I won't settle for that.

To the other posters, thank you. I really feel like an outside perspective would be helpful and will mention coaching and some books as good initial steps. If you happen to have any references in NOVA, please post them here.

You sound like a wonderful husband. God bless your family!

God. I see so many "brilliant" amd highly educated people in this town that simply can't handle real life or excel at a job. I'm a lawyer and interview and hire many people that fit this profile. After years of figuring out that many young lawyers fitting this profile simply can't hack the work and rarely are the ones to excel, I stopped hiring the most "berilliant."

Anonymous wrote:My wife has reached a point where she doesn't believe being a SAHM spouse is a good fit for her or our family. I totally agree with this, but the issue is how to I support my wife's efforts to get back to work?

She is totally unsure of what she wants, has a PhD but doesn't want to do academia (it's a social sciencey degree) and basically freaks out when I try to encourage her to get out there. She assumes every silence after an application means she will never, ever find work, gets disenchanted and gives up. Only to come around and realize that being a SAHM is not fulfilling enough and begins to make baby steps.

Our personalities are really different, here. I am a bit more aggressive and hustle. I'm not brilliant by any means, but have done well for myself by working hard and not taking no for an answer. My wife is brilliant. Literally. But she has a hard time with failure, and has never had to push past a wall to achieve anything. I find the things that motivate me (like a swift kick in the rear) are the absolute worst approaches to take here. So, I am dealing with kid gloves.

I want to be supportive, but I'm not sure exactly what the right tack to take is. Does anyone recommend a career coach or book that might be helpful?

Anonymous wrote:Has she every had a job? What?

Anonymous wrote:
OP here. Yes she asked for help.


Okay. So what happens when you give her all these ideas for help and she doesn't act on them?