Anonymous wrote:

Elektra wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Elektra wrote:Well, it's slang so it's not that easy to find a reliable definition. Here is one from the slang dictionary if anyone is interested:

a person who dates more than one person at a time, usually just for sex or other perks. Will typically do anything to have sex with someone. Carries a heavy negative connotation. Usually used to describe males, but could be used to describe females who act in this manner. Often pronounced "playa".

you are in an open relationship correct? with more than one person and while it might not be based primarily on sex I don't think you'd be hanging around if sex was off the table? Also, comments to the effect that you had to walk away from relationships before it got too crazy seem, IMO, to bolster the notion that you are more of a player than you let on. Not that there is anything wrong with that.

I'm not sure how much to say about my personal life but I fall more on the polyamorous end of the spectrum, meaning "many loves," so my orientation is not toward meaningless sex. I would not consider a relationship which did not include sex, a romantic relationship. It would become a friendship and I would stick around if there were good reasons to continue the friendship. I think everyone has walked away from a relationship before it got ugly. At least I hope so.

In some ways I wish I was a player but I am not.

I see the player as being particularly unempathetic. Almost a "neonarcissist" - not clinical narcissism, but far along that spectrum. Women or men are conquests and nothing more. The aftermath of the relationship to the other person are irrelevant. The player justifies this because he or she never promised anything. To the other person, however, the promises were plentiful, but always indirect. Players have to be extremely smart, because the core of playing is misdirection for as long as it suits the player's needs.

Elektra wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Elektra wrote:Well, it's slang so it's not that easy to find a reliable definition. Here is one from the slang dictionary if anyone is interested:

a person who dates more than one person at a time, usually just for sex or other perks. Will typically do anything to have sex with someone. Carries a heavy negative connotation. Usually used to describe males, but could be used to describe females who act in this manner. Often pronounced "playa".

you are in an open relationship correct? with more than one person and while it might not be based primarily on sex I don't think you'd be hanging around if sex was off the table? Also, comments to the effect that you had to walk away from relationships before it got too crazy seem, IMO, to bolster the notion that you are more of a player than you let on. Not that there is anything wrong with that.

I'm not sure how much to say about my personal life but I fall more on the polyamorous end of the spectrum, meaning "many loves," so my orientation is not toward meaningless sex. I would not consider a relationship which did not include sex, a romantic relationship. It would become a friendship and I would stick around if there were good reasons to continue the friendship. I think everyone has walked away from a relationship before it got ugly. At least I hope so.

In some ways I wish I was a player but I am not.

Anonymous wrote:

Elektra wrote:Well, it's slang so it's not that easy to find a reliable definition. Here is one from the slang dictionary if anyone is interested:

a person who dates more than one person at a time, usually just for sex or other perks. Will typically do anything to have sex with someone. Carries a heavy negative connotation. Usually used to describe males, but could be used to describe females who act in this manner. Often pronounced "playa".

you are in an open relationship correct? with more than one person and while it might not be based primarily on sex I don't think you'd be hanging around if sex was off the table? Also, comments to the effect that you had to walk away from relationships before it got too crazy seem, IMO, to bolster the notion that you are more of a player than you let on. Not that there is anything wrong with that.

Elektra wrote:Well, it's slang so it's not that easy to find a reliable definition. Here is one from the slang dictionary if anyone is interested:

a person who dates more than one person at a time, usually just for sex or other perks. Will typically do anything to have sex with someone. Carries a heavy negative connotation. Usually used to describe males, but could be used to describe females who act in this manner. Often pronounced "playa".

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
If he hasn't already. Players can never leave the game for long.

Exactly. Just like cheaters.

No. Sounds like both of y'all got screwed over from a player and a cheater. Lots of people do dumb things. Especially in their younger days. You could be missing out on a lot of potentially good people. Unless they have a sex addiction, I wouldn't be so quick to judge people and assume they can't change. (With the obvious caveat being that you can't change them.)

Also, someone who refers to themselves as a "player" and being "in the game"...I'd be more worried about their douchebaggery talking like that than screwing around with multiple women. The guys I know just say they don't want to settle down, are having to much fun dating several girls, like not having to put in effort to one person, etc. They aren't talking like they're part of a rap song.

He took on my kids as his own and wants to financially support us so I can stay home and we can have more kids when we're married (after a divorce where I was a SAHM...this idea is something I'm resisting). That's a lot to take on when he could just be banging single girls, particularly ones with no baggage, like an ex-husband and kids. But, time will tell. We'll see if my reformed "player" goes back to his old ways.

Based on your first post your fiance doesn't sound like a player at all. Just like a single guy. To call someone a player there has to be some level of lies and manipulation- he wasn't calling anyone his girlfriend so he really wasn't doing anything wrong.
A man who relates to women by lying to them and juggling several as a lifestyle choice is a different beast.
This is why I hate the term 'player'. So many women think that just because a man didn't want them, he must be a player and that is often not the case at all.

It doesn't have to involve lies, just manipulation and misleading a woman into believing he cares about her. A lot of players lie by omitting things instead of telling specific lies.

From Urban Dictionary:
A male who is skilled at manipulating ("playing") others, and especially at seducing women by pretending to care about them, when in reality they are only interested in sex. Possibly derived from the phrases "play him for a fool", or "play him like a violin". The term was popularized by hip-hop culture, but was commonly recognized among urban American blacks by the 1970s.

Anonymous wrote:

Elektra wrote:I've never been with anyone who referred to himself as a player and I've never really been played by one either but that's because my eyes always remain open. Unfortunately, I have cared about people that I know think of as players and, in the end, had to walk away before things got ugly. My comments are about the deeper problems in a player's emotional life.

Why is the guy always the player? You seem like a player yourself.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
If he hasn't already. Players can never leave the game for long.

Exactly. Just like cheaters.

No. Sounds like both of y'all got screwed over from a player and a cheater. Lots of people do dumb things. Especially in their younger days. You could be missing out on a lot of potentially good people. Unless they have a sex addiction, I wouldn't be so quick to judge people and assume they can't change. (With the obvious caveat being that you can't change them.)

Also, someone who refers to themselves as a "player" and being "in the game"...I'd be more worried about their douchebaggery talking like that than screwing around with multiple women. The guys I know just say they don't want to settle down, are having to much fun dating several girls, like not having to put in effort to one person, etc. They aren't talking like they're part of a rap song.

He took on my kids as his own and wants to financially support us so I can stay home and we can have more kids when we're married (after a divorce where I was a SAHM...this idea is something I'm resisting). That's a lot to take on when he could just be banging single girls, particularly ones with no baggage, like an ex-husband and kids. But, time will tell. We'll see if my reformed "player" goes back to his old ways.

Based on your first post your fiance doesn't sound like a player at all. Just like a single guy. To call someone a player there has to be some level of lies and manipulation- he wasn't calling anyone his girlfriend so he really wasn't doing anything wrong.
A man who relates to women by lying to them and juggling several as a lifestyle choice is a different beast.
This is why I hate the term 'player'. So many women think that just because a man didn't want them, he must be a player and that is often not the case at all.

Elektra wrote:I've never been with anyone who referred to himself as a player and I've never really been played by one either but that's because my eyes always remain open. Unfortunately, I have cared about people that I know think of as players and, in the end, had to walk away before things got ugly. My comments are about the deeper problems in a player's emotional life.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
If he hasn't already. Players can never leave the game for long.

Exactly. Just like cheaters.

No. Sounds like both of y'all got screwed over from a player and a cheater. Lots of people do dumb things. Especially in their younger days. You could be missing out on a lot of potentially good people. Unless they have a sex addiction, I wouldn't be so quick to judge people and assume they can't change. (With the obvious caveat being that you can't change them.)

Also, someone who refers to themselves as a "player" and being "in the game"...I'd be more worried about their douchebaggery talking like that than screwing around with multiple women. The guys I know just say they don't want to settle down, are having to much fun dating several girls, like not having to put in effort to one person, etc. They aren't talking like they're part of a rap song.

He took on my kids as his own and wants to financially support us so I can stay home and we can have more kids when we're married (after a divorce where I was a SAHM...this idea is something I'm resisting). That's a lot to take on when he could just be banging single girls, particularly ones with no baggage, like an ex-husband and kids. But, time will tell. We'll see if my reformed "player" goes back to his old ways.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
If he hasn't already. Players can never leave the game for long.

Exactly. Just like cheaters.