Anonymous
Post 01/16/2015 16:00     Subject: Help me get a grip on my MIL frustrations?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Oh give the OP a break. They have an arrangement in whcih the MIL lives with them- guessing it's a big sacrifice for the OP evn though she gets great benefits.

OP, no advise, just sorry - sounds tough.


OP again. Thanks everyone who offered support and input.

I talked to DH about it today and he was very understanding, especially since he knew it really rubbed me the wrong way when yesterday she told me, "your breast milk is too thin, when can I start giving baby something heavier?" He agreed our bedroom can/should be an MIL-free zone, starting with keeping the door shut. She still knocked and came in (once he said ok) to give him something tonight, but she didn't hang out. I'll be stepping up the closed-door policy for sure, and hopefully that will help.

As one PP suggested, I do give her curt answers or medical-type explanations when it comes to her concerns about baby's welfare/health, including blaming the pediatrician. Sometimes I change it up and attribute to my own mom, who's a family doc.

To answer another PP's question, I am not from their culture. DH moved to the U.S. around the age of 9 or 10 so he's pretty Americanized. Once or twice when I was super annoyed with MIL's comments I said something to the effect of, "well lots has changed in the past 35 years, and here we do have the benefits of first-world medicine and amenities..."

Anyway thanks again for the responses. Today was a little better than yesterday.


It sounds like things are moving in the right direction. Just a small word of advice -- don't pit your MIL with your own mom, even if your own mom really does have more expertise.

Also, regardless of who the other doc is, it's wise to make the bad guy someone your MIL doesn't know. That way she can be resentful of an invisible person. You don't want your MIL to resent your mom when she comes to visit if for some reason MIL takes weird offense to the advice.
Anonymous
Post 01/16/2015 15:37     Subject: Help me get a grip on my MIL frustrations?
If she's from one of the Eastern cultures, like my MIL, there are no boundaries and there is no privacy. She finds the concept offensive. You're going to have to set the boundaries and be very firm. Put it all down to your American (if that's what you are) quirks. We need space and privacy.

Make it clear to her that there is NO reason other than a true emergency for her ever to knock on your bedroom door and want to come in.

And make sure she has a television in her room, as another poster suggested.

I would rather move out myself, than have my MIL live with us.
Anonymous
Post 01/16/2015 08:53     Subject: Help me get a grip on my MIL frustrations?
After a day spent taking care of the baby she might enjoy an evening out with a friend. She could go to a movie, play bingo, have dinner, etc. Are there any older neighbors that you could introduce her to or any senior citizens groups that she might enjoy. Bowling? Honestly, I would try to expand her horizons beyond the baby...
Anonymous
Post 01/16/2015 08:44     Subject: Help me get a grip on my MIL frustrations?
Does she like TV? If so, make sure she has a TV with cable and a DVR in her bedroom. That might help get her out of the shared space. Worked for my MIL!