Anonymous wrote:My 5yr old daughter just played in a game yesterday where the final score was 28 to 2 and ONE girl scored 26 points. The ref was telling the girl to pass the ball when she came up and every time she went up, never looked at another kid and there the ball up there. The 2 type-A parents that are "coaches" kept her in and cheered her on.

It was pathetic. So I am completely against ball hogging on a TEAM sport, especially for YOUTH TEAM sports.

threw

My 5yr old daughter just played in a game yesterday where the final score was 28 to 2 and ONE girl scored 26 points. The ref was telling the girl to pass the ball when she came up and every time she went up, never looked at another kid and there the ball up there. The 2 type-A parents that are "coaches" kept her in and cheered her on.

It was pathetic. So I am completely against ball hogging on a TEAM sport, especially for YOUTH TEAM sports.

Anonymous wrote:My son's soccer team (rec) has a ball hog kid. The most enjoyable season for everyone was the season he wasn't on the team. Everyone got a chance to play and the team's passing made a tremendous improvement without him. The next season, he came back (he plays travel and rec) and I've notcied the boys have gone back downhill in terms of willingness to pass - they have two tremendous players, one the ball hog and one not. When the ball hog is there no one passes, ever. If he misses a game, even if the far superior other player is there, the boys pass. The only thing I can think of is that the other excellent player passes back.

We went through this. At the highest levels, soccer, like basketball, is all about passing and teamwork. When you watch a professional soccer match, it's all about those long passes between players. These are skills OP's son needs to develop if he wants to advance, including in basketball.

I get the frustration about passing to kids who might turn the ball over. OP has some choices. She can teach her son that it's not just about winning, it's also about teamwork, and this is a great learning opportunity re teamwork so just be patient. Or, move to a better team.

The coaches may help - or not, if they're invested in winning over everything else. We were also the parents of a #2 or #3 kid on a team with a coach who was invested in winning and was looking to cultivate "stars" to advance his own standing. The #1 kid was allowed to hog the ball constantly (and even to knock other kids on the team down). The various parents who mentioned to the coach that it would be nice for other kids to develop their skills were always told that their own kids should be more aggressive. Yeah, we had that talk with DC, but kids that age don't always get it. It's a shame, because 7-8 years later I can tell you that several non-favored kids dropped out early on, and the #1 kid never did get recruited, lost ground relative to other players (never had much of a growth spurt), and changed sports by senior year. Nobody benefited. Age 11, even age 13, is way too early for a coach to make decisions about who gets all the opportunities and who doesn't, because growing bodies, genetics and changing interests will overturn things every time. But, there are lots of coaches like this.

How can the other kids on the team improve if your son is hogging the ball. As others have said, perhaps he needs to be on a more competitive team. At this age you generally want as many kids to touch the ball so that they can improve their skills. Plus, who likes to play with a ball hog?

Anonymous wrote:

This. This is why it is so much better for everyone for kids to be on a team with other kids of the same level. DS is no superstar, but he plays travel and rec, and sometimes he get so frustrated in rec games that he risks getting a T. I think what many parents who did not play bball don't realize is how much you need to know to play well --- it's not just physical. DS gets more frustrated about kids not knowing the plays, not knowing how to move on defense, not knowing what is and is not a foul, stuff like that. Not to justify ball hogging, but sometimes it's just not wanting a turnover.

If the rec is that frustrating, then your DS shouldn't bother to waste the time with it. Problem solved.

Anonymous wrote:My 10 year old plays AAU and we still have point guards that keep the ball too often but it's clearly a coaching issue at this level. As others have said, your son would benefit from a more competitive league. On thing that hasn't been touched on is how challenging it is for a competitive kid like son 1 to make the pass when he knows there is an 80% chance that the kid passes to will turn the ball over. It's a lot to ask for your son to do that regularly. Great if he can, but difficult to get there if he's really that much better than teammates. Move to AAU and he'll have teammates at his level. If he doesn't, keep looking for the right team until he does.

This. This is why it is so much better for everyone for kids to be on a team with other kids of the same level. DS is no superstar, but he plays travel and rec, and sometimes he get so frustrated in rec games that he risks getting a T. I think what many parents who did not play bball don't realize is how much you need to know to play well --- it's not just physical. DS gets more frustrated about kids not knowing the plays, not knowing how to move on defense, not knowing what is and is not a foul, stuff like that. Not to justify ball hogging, but sometimes it's just not wanting a turnover.

My son's soccer team (rec) has a ball hog kid. The most enjoyable season for everyone was the season he wasn't on the team. Everyone got a chance to play and the team's passing made a tremendous improvement without him. The next season, he came back (he plays travel and rec) and I've notcied the boys have gone back downhill in terms of willingness to pass - they have two tremendous players, one the ball hog and one not. When the ball hog is there no one passes, ever. If he misses a game, even if the far superior other player is there, the boys pass. The only thing I can think of is that the other excellent player passes back.

Anonymous wrote:The problem is as they get older and better at the game, the opposing team gets better too, and when they spot a ball hog, they team up against him and your kid will be actually a net neutral to the team (I don't quite want to say a negative, but definitely in the way of the team working to their full potential).

Ball hogging just doesn't benefit a well-balanced team. I agree with the others that if your DS is the best on the team and a ball hog, it's time to try a club and/or travel. Both my kids (one older than your DSs and one younger) are on travel teams and it's actually do-able--it's actually fun!

Also btw you might have this issue (we certainly do) if one of our kids excels or exhibits more drive at some activity, the other will often opt out, mentally assigning that activity to the sibling's orbit. With us, it was a problem because the younger kid was the more competitive one. The younger kid would self-practice to outdo the older sibling. Being on separate teams helps a lot, and with other things--say, music--I've got one on one instrument and on on another. I tried both on the same instrument but it encouraged competition and opting out.

This. Eventually ball hog won't get the support of teammates, they thus end up in loosing teams with lots of frustrations. It's a combination of parents and coach to teach kids teamwork. Btw, I have one of each players you described, they play in travel leagues. From what I have seen ball hogs create bad team chemistry and a loosing team. They passed the ball at the most inopportune time, when they are double and triple teamed and turned the ball over. I can tell a ball hog by their self-centered parents too. It goes hand in hand.

I would say, first think about what you mean by "ball hogging". Is the "ball hog" effectively working to take the ball from his own teammates who are doing okay with the ball at that time? If the "ball hog" is insisting/demanding a teammate pass to him rather than allowing the teammate to look at someone else for a pass, or dribbling, or taking an appropriate shot then that is a problem. Does the "ball hog" routinely bring the ball up the court and then shoot without passing? That is a problem too. On the other hand, it is not a problem for a kid to bring the ball up the court and pass or take a good shot from time to time. It is not a problem if a kid who has a better understanding of the game gets more passes from their teammates, because they get themselves in better position to receive passes.

I would also say you need to look at if your kid who practices a lot is playing at the appropriate level. Youth sports have gotten very stratified and there is good and bad to that. But, one of the key points is that kids in urban/suburban areas can often easily find an appropriate level of play where they can be challenged. Yes it is nice if siblings can work on the same schedule, but you are at the stage where it probably is no longer realistic. Siblings have their own interests and talents and it is a bad idea to try and force a square peg into a round hole. If one son loves basketball and works at it - great, but keep looking for what your other son may grow to love and work at. Don;t abandon basketball but consider other activities too. I think parents do need to guard against focusing on one or two activities/sports that parents like, or that an older sibling excels at, and then assuming that other kids will follow along. The other kids may not object, but their talents and interests may well like elsewhere.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your ball-hogging son is in the wrong, not just for the team but for himself. It's working for him now because the other kids are generally less-skilled, but his inability to play as part of a team is really going to hurt him later when the other kids develop better defensive skills and he can't just run the ball down the court every time he gets it. Your son is squandering his talents if he can't learn to function as part of a team, and that's where you focus should be since it sounds like it's by far the weakest part of his game.

This x 1000

I also think you are trying to justify your better bball player's ball hogging to his indifferent sibling's team.. not a good comparison sorry honey!

Anonymous wrote:Your ball-hogging son is in the wrong, not just for the team but for himself. It's working for him now because the other kids are generally less-skilled, but his inability to play as part of a team is really going to hurt him later when the other kids develop better defensive skills and he can't just run the ball down the court every time he gets it. Your son is squandering his talents if he can't learn to function as part of a team, and that's where you focus should be since it sounds like it's by far the weakest part of his game.

This x 1000

The problem is as they get older and better at the game, the opposing team gets better too, and when they spot a ball hog, they team up against him and your kid will be actually a net neutral to the team (I don't quite want to say a negative, but definitely in the way of the team working to their full potential).

Ball hogging just doesn't benefit a well-balanced team. I agree with the others that if your DS is the best on the team and a ball hog, it's time to try a club and/or travel. Both my kids (one older than your DSs and one younger) are on travel teams and it's actually do-able--it's actually fun!

Also btw you might have this issue (we certainly do) if one of our kids excels or exhibits more drive at some activity, the other will often opt out, mentally assigning that activity to the sibling's orbit. With us, it was a problem because the younger kid was the more competitive one. The younger kid would self-practice to outdo the older sibling. Being on separate teams helps a lot, and with other things--say, music--I've got one on one instrument and on on another. I tried both on the same instrument but it encouraged competition and opting out.

You can talk until the cows come home about how great your kid is, but he won't amount to much until he learns that BB is a team sport.

Your kid isn't playing well. Your kid isn't even an asset to the team. The coaches should work on this.

Your kid will wake up one day and discover he's been lapped.

OP, I don't get the impression that you are favoring the position of the "ball hogging" son over the other (as implied by some other posters). I will say that I think you should talk to that son about the importance of teamwork, and being a good sport, but balance it with an acknowledgement and understanding of his passion for the game and desire to be the best he can be. I also think it is up to the coach to talk to all of the kids about this kind of thing, since it obviously happens on every team. I also would look into a more competitive program for that son next year.

My friend is in a league where each child can only guard a child of his or her ability. They rank the kids and then pair them up at each game. Sounds like an interesting concept.