Are you local? You really need to talk to a lawyer. Family Justice Center if you are in Montgomery County.

This is OP again, I am back. Initially I was ready to move out, but then I gathered my strength to talk to H once more, and told him I thought he wasn't being fair to me, and the child should stay put.
I told him he needed to either pay for separate housing if he loathes living with us, or he needs to suck it up and live with us until the GC goes through.
Now he is pissed, really pissed that I don't want to do as he wanted.
I would appreciate if someone could try to give me the worst case scenarios here...what can he do? He told me he wouldn't give me any more spending money.
What else can he do?
I am inclined to file for separation and/or divorce, because I don't think he will agree on the green card for me, either way... but at least I get a decent amount of money from him.

Anonymous wrote:I am so sorry for your situation... Dont even know where to start, I know a person who went through similar issues, but her H was a greencard holder and she filed as "battered spouse". Your case is so much harder since he doesnt even have a green card.
Talk to immigration lawyer ASAP. Also, how close are your relatives, can they sponsor you for green card?

Thank you! No they cannot sponsor me (for a number of reasons, not because they don't want to). I know my immigration situation, it's the family aspect that needs to be figured out now.
No, I cannot go via battered spouse, even if I wanted to.
My main problem is - once divorce is finalized - I have to leave the country. So I need to think many a times before filing.

I am so sorry for your situation... Dont even know where to start, I know a person who went through similar issues, but her H was a greencard holder and she filed as "battered spouse". Your case is so much harder since he doesnt even have a green card.
Talk to immigration lawyer ASAP. Also, how close are your relatives, can they sponsor you for green card?

OP here, tomorrow I am calling lawyers to schedule a consult, and in the meantime I think I will bow to him in all of his crazy demands, renew kid's passport, make H sign all kinds of permissions, etc, and then act upon what the lawyer says.
If staying at relatives' is not undermining me in any way, I might go live there and see how it goes. they are great people but there's no way of telling if it works for us.

I am just afraid that if I stay there will be all this aggravation, he would try to withhold money, file for divorce, whatnot. I need to know the options first.

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry about your situation. It doesn't sound like you have any great options. However, it sounds to me like your best (and perhaps only realistic) option is to go back to your home country. Do you really want to be stuck depending on a man who would put you in this situation? What happens if you lose your green card, but the court orders joint custody or visitation so you can't take him back to your country? Would you be forced to stay here illegally or leave without him? If I were you, I'd get away as soon as I could before your husband decides he wants joint custody and forces the child to stay here.

this is my worry, too (about joint custody), I need to talk to a family lawyer. No, I don't think I would be forced to leave without child or stay illegally. They could order 6 months per year in each country, but it doesn't make sense in terms of school. Since I am the primary caregiver, and H is now digging himself deep in this s..t (ordering me to leave with child, not planning to visit, etc), I think they might award vacations at dad's and primary time at mom's. I am not a lawyer but this is my reasoning based on what I have read so far.

Anonymous wrote:If you live separately in another state and your child goes to a public school it may come up during the green card processing. Unlikely, but still. That would spell trouble because they might think that it's a "fradulent" marriage. Green card takes a long time. Will you be able to tough it out under the same roof for another year? If no, I would go back to the country of origin. Also, you could look for a job and change your own status (and earn independent income).

No, it's not the case as we married a long time ago, he was not a permanent resident/citizen, so this is a different case than a marriage based green card. I have consulted a lawyer on that, plus the internet. I can live separately but cannot be LEGALLY separated.

Anonymous wrote:OP, you sound so reasonable and like a good person. I wish you well.

Although returning to your own country does not sound like a wonderful option given what you mentioned about the economy and jobs, it may provide more independence and opportunity for you. Right now, your life and income depends entirely on the kindness of others (husband, relatives, etc.). If you go home, at least you could work if you find a job.

Do you have any education or special skills that might allow you to find a job here with an employer that could sponsor you for a green card or work visa?

Thank you so much for your kind words!
That's what I am thinking, too. Going back would bring me some kind of closure plus a sense of power. Independence and opportunity, you are right.
I don't think anyone here would sponsor me - I am not in IT, and the job market in other areas is not that great. I do have good qualifications, so coupled with a work permit they would make me a pretty employable person.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Was this just a huge a fight you guys had and he said he hated you and wanted you gone? It sounds like he hasn't put a lot of thought into it. I would talk to your husband.

+1

Have a mature talk with DH on what he suggests, and keep the child in the forefront. Remind him that even if he hates you, he has an obligation to the child's future.
Find a lawyer
Also you can also try looking for jobs, depending on your background some employers might sponsor a work visa, and it will be easier given that you are already in the US.

Unfortunately H is not mature in any sense of the word
he is convinced that the child will be fine a) without him in the picture except financially b)in our home country
I feel that right now any discussion is a very thin line I am walking
Right now the plan is to talk to a lawyer, meanwhile get all the necessary docs, permissions, and such from H, pretending to go along with any of his crazy ideas, and then I will see.

Anonymous wrote:Was this just a huge a fight you guys had and he said he hated you and wanted you gone? It sounds like he hasn't put a lot of thought into it. I would talk to your husband.

No, there were many fights like that when we would make it up to each other later. This time, he has been distancing himself for a while, I tried to talk, to reconcile, but he wouldn't. It sounds like a thought out decision in general, though not in details.
He has this idea of me "traveling" for an extended time I think.
I kind of fall for this illusion, too.

Anonymous wrote:OP does not work so I think she means DH employer sponsored green card. OP, what is this waiver?

It was a different PP who mentioned the waiver. I have no idea what it is. - OP

Anonymous wrote:if your green card is not "through marriage" but through employer, then why is it not valid if you divorce? Is your husband sponsoring you in some way? Is it through HIS employer, and that's why it would be invalidated?

what are your chancres of getting a green card if you divorce? if you stay married, what is the timeline? Perhaps you can work on some of t his with a lawyer and negotiate with him, using his responsibility for child support and possibly alimony against your need for the green card to come up with a working solution.

Does he want to have any relationship with his child????

I would not move out until you have some legal agreement in place. Are you renting? How is your financial picture?

It's thru HIS employer. NO chance if we divorce. If married, hopefully around 2 yrs, but there's no guarantee.
Negotiating with him is not a good idea -he immediately sees "blackmail", goes on offensive and such.
We both know that if we divorce, he might end up with high payments, but I will lose status and it's expensive and complicated to enforce court orders across borders. Lose lose situation for both.
I am now looking for a lawyer with experience in international custody and child support just to get a picture of my options. But there aren't many, I am pretty sure. I happen to fall through the cracks of the system.

I'm sorry about your situation. It doesn't sound like you have any great options. However, it sounds to me like your best (and perhaps only realistic) option is to go back to your home country. Do you really want to be stuck depending on a man who would put you in this situation? What happens if you lose your green card, but the court orders joint custody or visitation so you can't take him back to your country? Would you be forced to stay here illegally or leave without him? If I were you, I'd get away as soon as I could before your husband decides he wants joint custody and forces the child to stay here.

If you live separately in another state and your child goes to a public school it may come up during the green card processing. Unlikely, but still. That would spell trouble because they might think that it's a "fradulent" marriage. Green card takes a long time. Will you be able to tough it out under the same roof for another year? If no, I would go back to the country of origin. Also, you could look for a job and change your own status (and earn independent income).

They don't look like very good options, but I would most likely choose the second one if you think you can be patient and wait it out for a few years.

And also if living with the relatives mentioned can be bearable for that time frame.

So sorry you are in this predicament OP, I never like to hear stories like this, but I am glad you do have certain options to consider.

I wish you and your child only the best in whatever you decide to do.

Happy 2015 to you both!~