Anonymous
Post 01/11/2015 18:58     Subject: Have a 2 mo old and told to move out.
Anonymous wrote:
I realize this makes me sound totally clueless and stupid. I'm not


Well your post says otherwise. Start looking for a good lawyer and don't cheap out. You're gonna need him/her.
Anonymous
Post 01/11/2015 11:02     Subject: Have a 2 mo old and told to move out.
Anonymous wrote:Go to a women's center and see about legal help.

Why did you have a baby with someone you aren't married to? I genuinely don't understand why people do this.


I have four babies and am not married. I just have no interest in marriage. Sometimes that works out just fine.
Anonymous
Post 01/11/2015 11:01     Subject: Have a 2 mo old and told to move out.
Long term, not time.
Anonymous
Post 01/11/2015 11:00     Subject: Have a 2 mo old and told to move out.
Marriage offers asset benefits, but custody is pretty much the same whether married or unmarried.

Don't move out. Let him figure out a way to try to evict you.

Start gathering proof of household bills you've been paying. Make copies of bank statements and bills.

Talk to an attorney. Don't worry about the long time stuff until after you talk to an attorney.
Anonymous
Post 01/11/2015 09:55     Subject: Have a 2 mo old and told to move out.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You don't split 50/50 of an infant. If you are breastfeeding he won't get more than a few hours at a stretch.


You pump, but either way, it is your house too. In less you leave and take the baby (before either one of you files custody as then you can legally do it), I would move into another room or the baby room and stay.


You cannot force someone to pump.


Then baby gets formula. There are options. Breastfeeding is not a reason to withhold parenting time even if he is being a jerk to mom.


Um, no, you're wrong. In my old state I had more than one friend who was able to put off overnight visits until child was fully weaned, or up to age three. No way I'd give my baby formula


Why did you have so many friends who had split with the dad while the kid was young enough to breastfeed?


PP here---"friends" might have been an overstatement, LOL. Funnily enough, I was acquainted with all of them through Le Leche League!
Anonymous
Post 01/11/2015 09:45     Subject: Have a 2 mo old and told to move out.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:He can't make you leave. He'd have to evict you. In VA, that would take months, minimum. He'd be in trouble if he attempted to change the locks or otherwise tried to evict you without being told he has the legal right to do so.

So logistically, don't even concern yourself with leaving. Move into the babies room. Stop engaging him and be civil. Act as though you're a single parent with a roommate at this point, because that's what you may end up as soon anyway.

Also doesn't hurt if you're breastfeeding and doing all the parenting. And if you contributed financially to the house, there will be a record of that. So, again, you're not screwed there either. There are really only 2 things I'd be worried about if I were you: do you have enough money to support yourself on your own and how are you going to cope with leaving the baby with him? It won't be a lot of time at first. But it will increase as the baby gets older.

And to the judgmental assholes...you really don't think this happens to married people? That's laughable. The only difference here is it won't have to cost them thousands and thousands of dollars in legal fees if they want to break up.



He can evict her. She needs to seek legal advice not advice from an anonymous chat room.


Yes, he can. But as I said, doing so in Virginia TAKES MONTHS. I have tried to evict someone. Have you? He stopped paying for months. I couldn't do anything about it. I had to go through the whole cumbersome process of serving paperwork and giving notice and allowing time to pass and getting court dates. It's extremely hard to get someone out of a home they've established residency in. That's when they don't pay. If she's paying, and raising their kid there, I can't imagine how much harder that would be to get done.


Oh, and just to add, I was told by the police that if I attempted to change the locks or turn off utilities, that was constructive eviction, and I'd be the one having to defend myself in court. He can't touch any of her stuff either. (Which is actually a benefit to not being married, because otherwise it would all be marital property he could do with what he wished)
Anonymous
Post 01/11/2015 09:40     Subject: Have a 2 mo old and told to move out.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:He can't make you leave. He'd have to evict you. In VA, that would take months, minimum. He'd be in trouble if he attempted to change the locks or otherwise tried to evict you without being told he has the legal right to do so.

So logistically, don't even concern yourself with leaving. Move into the babies room. Stop engaging him and be civil. Act as though you're a single parent with a roommate at this point, because that's what you may end up as soon anyway.

Also doesn't hurt if you're breastfeeding and doing all the parenting. And if you contributed financially to the house, there will be a record of that. So, again, you're not screwed there either. There are really only 2 things I'd be worried about if I were you: do you have enough money to support yourself on your own and how are you going to cope with leaving the baby with him? It won't be a lot of time at first. But it will increase as the baby gets older.

And to the judgmental assholes...you really don't think this happens to married people? That's laughable. The only difference here is it won't have to cost them thousands and thousands of dollars in legal fees if they want to break up.



He can evict her. She needs to seek legal advice not advice from an anonymous chat room.


Yes, he can. But as I said, doing so in Virginia TAKES MONTHS. I have tried to evict someone. Have you? He stopped paying for months. I couldn't do anything about it. I had to go through the whole cumbersome process of serving paperwork and giving notice and allowing time to pass and getting court dates. It's extremely hard to get someone out of a home they've established residency in. That's when they don't pay. If she's paying, and raising their kid there, I can't imagine how much harder that would be to get done.
Anonymous
Post 01/11/2015 09:08     Subject: Have a 2 mo old and told to move out.
Anonymous wrote:If you have been living together for 2 1/2 years, this may constitute a common law marriage. I am not from here, so I don't know what the laws are here -- but where I am from (Canada) you would be considered his common-law wife at this point and entitled to some of the home.

Call a family law center in your area for advice. I would not move out. Move to a different room for now. Tell him that you want to work on things just to give yourself a little more time.

Also, please know that having an infant is a low point in many relationships. It is incredibly hard. You may be able to recover from this.


Virginia hasn't recognized common law marriages in years and when it was recognized, couple had to have been together a lot longer than 2.5 years.
Anonymous
Post 01/11/2015 09:05     Subject: Have a 2 mo old and told to move out.
Anonymous wrote:He can't make you leave. He'd have to evict you. In VA, that would take months, minimum. He'd be in trouble if he attempted to change the locks or otherwise tried to evict you without being told he has the legal right to do so.

So logistically, don't even concern yourself with leaving. Move into the babies room. Stop engaging him and be civil. Act as though you're a single parent with a roommate at this point, because that's what you may end up as soon anyway.

Also doesn't hurt if you're breastfeeding and doing all the parenting. And if you contributed financially to the house, there will be a record of that. So, again, you're not screwed there either. There are really only 2 things I'd be worried about if I were you: do you have enough money to support yourself on your own and how are you going to cope with leaving the baby with him? It won't be a lot of time at first. But it will increase as the baby gets older.

And to the judgmental assholes...you really don't think this happens to married people? That's laughable. The only difference here is it won't have to cost them thousands and thousands of dollars in legal fees if they want to break up.



He can evict her. She needs to seek legal advice not advice from an anonymous chat room.
Anonymous
Post 01/11/2015 07:49     Subject: Have a 2 mo old and told to move out.
He can't make you leave. He'd have to evict you. In VA, that would take months, minimum. He'd be in trouble if he attempted to change the locks or otherwise tried to evict you without being told he has the legal right to do so.

So logistically, don't even concern yourself with leaving. Move into the babies room. Stop engaging him and be civil. Act as though you're a single parent with a roommate at this point, because that's what you may end up as soon anyway.

Also doesn't hurt if you're breastfeeding and doing all the parenting. And if you contributed financially to the house, there will be a record of that. So, again, you're not screwed there either. There are really only 2 things I'd be worried about if I were you: do you have enough money to support yourself on your own and how are you going to cope with leaving the baby with him? It won't be a lot of time at first. But it will increase as the baby gets older.

And to the judgmental assholes...you really don't think this happens to married people? That's laughable. The only difference here is it won't have to cost them thousands and thousands of dollars in legal fees if they want to break up.
Anonymous
Post 01/11/2015 07:37     Subject: Have a 2 mo old and told to move out.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Heh. Did you put him on the birth certificate? If not, that will seriously slow down his ability to get any custody.

This is dumb advice. Withholding the child out of spite will negatively affect your custody case. Judges see right through that. It shows you let your own anger interfere with making decisions in the best interest of the child.


It's not advice. It's a fact.


Moving to another state and going into hiding would also delay custody. It's as advisable as your delay tactics.

You shouldn't be proud of your immaturity. I really hope you don't have children.
Anonymous
Post 01/11/2015 05:45     Subject: Have a 2 mo old and told to move out.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Go to a women's center and see about legal help.

Why did you have a baby with someone you aren't married to? I genuinely don't understand why people do this.


You don't need to understand.

OP don't leave. Stay safe and be the mother bear for that infant. You will be surprised at your newly found emotional strength.


I agree this is not the time to second guess your choices. But use it as lesson learned to make smarter choices going forward. Get legal help. Look into city/county free ombudsman services. Be strong and keep your mouth shut. Do not let him know your plans.
Anonymous
Post 01/11/2015 03:50     Subject: Have a 2 mo old and told to move out.
If his name is on the house, utilities, etc. then he may be entitled to stay while you may have to leave.

Legally he may be within his right, but on a moral level that is a crummy thing to do to the mother and especially to this baby. What a scumbag. I cannot even fathom what kind of father would do that to his own child, but douchebags like him never should fail to amaze me I suppose.

Regarding custody, he may be able to secure a 50/50 custody arrangement whether his name is on the child's birth certificate or not. Paternity can always be proven anyway. However, if you do not live together, you should be entitled to some child support, though if custody is split down the middle, I am not sure how that works.

Do you have any close family or friends that you can stay with for now?

Also, can you speak to someone at a free Legal Aid clinic in your area regarding your rights?

OP, I am very sorry you are in this position. No you are not stupid, just a trusting human being who is in love and only had the best intentions with someone.

It's not your fault that this person you had a child with is such a cold-blooded jerk.
Anonymous
Post 01/10/2015 19:40     Subject: Have a 2 mo old and told to move out.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You don't split 50/50 of an infant. If you are breastfeeding he won't get more than a few hours at a stretch.


You pump, but either way, it is your house too. In less you leave and take the baby (before either one of you files custody as then you can legally do it), I would move into another room or the baby room and stay.


You cannot force someone to pump.


Then baby gets formula. There are options. Breastfeeding is not a reason to withhold parenting time even if he is being a jerk to mom.


Actually, it can and is in many custody situations.

Joint Custody
Joint custody can refer to joint legal custody or joint physical custody, or both. Joint legal custody means that each parent has authority to make important decisions for the child, such as where he goes to school and whether he should receive medical treatment. Joint physical custody typically means that each parent has the right to spend significant time with the child -- it doesn't necessarily mean a 50-50 split of time with each parent. With a breastfed child, however, it's even more unlikely that the arrangement will resemble an even split, because the child must spend so much time with the mother.

States With Breastfeeding Laws
As of 2012, a few states have laws that specifically address breastfeeding while several others have enacted legislation that deals with breastfeeding in some form. In Maine, a judge must consider whether the mother of a child under one year old is breastfeeding when the judge determines parental rights and responsibilities. In Michigan, one of the factors a judge must consider when determining allocation of parenting time is whether the child is under six months old and breastfeeding or under one year old and receives a substantial portion of his nutrition through breastfeeding. In Utah, a judge may consider that a nursing child’s lack of reasonable alternatives when determining whether the default custody schedule should apply to a particular case.

States Without Breastfeeding Laws
Even in states without breastfeeding laws, a judge can consider breastfeeding when making a custody determination since custody is to be awarded according to the best interests of the child. Some states also take age into consideration when they determine custody arrangements. For example, Texas does not apply a standard weekend visitation schedule for children under age three. Even in states that do not directly address breastfeeding, the judge could make an order permitting the mother to have more time with the child due to breastfeeding. The order could include a different parenting schedule when the child gets older, or the father could go back to the court for a modification of the custody arrangement when the child is no longer breastfeeding.


Where did you get this from?
Anonymous
Post 01/10/2015 19:35     Subject: Have a 2 mo old and told to move out.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You don't split 50/50 of an infant. If you are breastfeeding he won't get more than a few hours at a stretch.


You pump, but either way, it is your house too. In less you leave and take the baby (before either one of you files custody as then you can legally do it), I would move into another room or the baby room and stay.


You cannot force someone to pump.


Then baby gets formula. There are options. Breastfeeding is not a reason to withhold parenting time even if he is being a jerk to mom.


Um, no, you're wrong. In my old state I had more than one friend who was able to put off overnight visits until child was fully weaned, or up to age three. No way I'd give my baby formula


Why did you have so many friends who had split with the dad while the kid was young enough to breastfeed?