Anonymous wrote:
OP - I would as you need to focus on your well-being and start with a full physical by your PCP or even a brand new doctor and "fresh set of eyes/ears." In doing so if nothing physical is defined for how you are feeling, get a referral to a therapist who can at least do a full scale evaluation of you for depression etc. At the same time I would also try and get out for some daily exercise like walking. You posting seems to indicate that English may not be your first language so if your background in any way makes you feel isolated, do address this with a therapist as well as how you feel towards your family. You may be unable to see the possible deep hurt and disruption you will bring to your sons' lives, too, when it "might be" a case of you dealing with a physical chemical imbalance in yourself or other aspects of mental health first.

You say you have a part=time job and could move to full-time, but you may want to recalculate the math again in terms of the very nice home and lifestyle you have with DH and the boys to see if you really could replicate it on your sole salary. Also, remember that you have no idea how your sons will really react to your leaving and they may not want anything to do with you so any idea of being a 50% custodial parent might be a new hell you create for a few years for all of you.

DH and especially your teenage sons may not realize how their comradery has seeming excluded you or closed you out at least in your mind. This is one area for you to address when you feel stronger and more in control of yourself. Simply removing your physical self from the painful surrounding which may only or as stridently in"your perception" will not end the relationship pain you feel. Teenagers are teenagers and to deal with it any parent needs to be able to cope. You sound very just rundown and out of gas emotionally.
OP you need to give time to yourself and by doing so will give time to your family, too.

I do feel rundown. DH travel about 3 weeks out of the month so I have basically been raising the kids my own. But when he is in town, from the moment he walks in the down he start taken over. A lot of the pp's advised has given caused to rethink things. I shared my post with DH because he was raising a stink about my distance (he is away for two months this time) behavior towards him He didn't like that I wrote it but said I raised some valid points and that he needs to work on some stuff. I told him I have put in 19 years with him, having nice stuff is nice, but it's time he takes over the bulk of raising the kids as the get ready for manhood. i just wasn't going along with the passive/aggressive and pretending that I didn't exist. I said a lot more, however at the end, he said even after the boys are gone I am part of his future. He can tell I am done, he wasn't as dismissive, he didn't dismiss my feelings as hogwash as he did before. He even said he understood and that I explained my point of view very well. This is a new path for us so we will see, or it could be him not wanting an argument while he is away. I am expecting baby steps from him because he is set in his ways. He understood I was no longer capable of dealing with the neglect, rejections, living with someone who is so walled off.

OP - I would as you need to focus on your well-being and start with a full physical by your PCP or even a brand new doctor and "fresh set of eyes/ears." In doing so if nothing physical is defined for how you are feeling, get a referral to a therapist who can at least do a full scale evaluation of you for depression etc. At the same time I would also try and get out for some daily exercise like walking. You posting seems to indicate that English may not be your first language so if your background in any way makes you feel isolated, do address this with a therapist as well as how you feel towards your family. You may be unable to see the possible deep hurt and disruption you will bring to your sons' lives, too, when it "might be" a case of you dealing with a physical chemical imbalance in yourself or other aspects of mental health first.

You say you have a part=time job and could move to full-time, but you may want to recalculate the math again in terms of the very nice home and lifestyle you have with DH and the boys to see if you really could replicate it on your sole salary. Also, remember that you have no idea how your sons will really react to your leaving and they may not want anything to do with you so any idea of being a 50% custodial parent might be a new hell you create for a few years for all of you.

DH and especially your teenage sons may not realize how their comradery has seeming excluded you or closed you out at least in your mind. This is one area for you to address when you feel stronger and more in control of yourself. Simply removing your physical self from the painful surrounding which may only or as stridently in"your perception" will not end the relationship pain you feel. Teenagers are teenagers and to deal with it any parent needs to be able to cope. You sound very just rundown and out of gas emotionally.
OP you need to give time to yourself and by doing so will give time to your family, too.

OP, you are depressed. And refuse to get help, which makes it totally reasonable to understand why your DH wants nothing to do with you and why you kids are pulling away. Because depression is an anchor and depressed people are anchors and your are literally sinking your family.

If you need to leave, leave. But get healthy. Focus on a plan for your life (you seem young like 40's) and focus on what you want for yourself in this world. As a mother. As a friend. As a freaking human.

You're essentially also wanting to divorce your kids. When you're older and have ailing health, I think you'd want to have a relationship with your sons when they are older and more mature. You'll miss out on grandkids etc. It's like you want to go crawl off into a hole by yourself. I agree therapy would be beneficial.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP. You are only speaking about yourself and your feelings. Have you told your DH's this? No matter how old your kids are, you are still their mother and always will be. Whether they like you right now or not is irrelevant. You will damage them if you abandon them. IMO this world has enough damaged children They are at the age where kids don't like their parent/parents, they think know everything, are invincible and everyone else is stupid. If your husband and you decide to divorce do it the right way. Do not abandon your children.

One more thing. It sounds like you need depression treatment. See your family physician as soon as possible.

+100

Read about parental alienation.

Anonymous wrote:OP. You are only speaking about yourself and your feelings. Have you told your DH's this? No matter how old your kids are, you are still their mother and always will be. Whether they like you right now or not is irrelevant. You will damage them if you abandon them. IMO this world has enough damaged children They are at the age where kids don't like their parent/parents, they think know everything, are invincible and everyone else is stupid. If your husband and you decide to divorce do it the right way. Do not abandon your children.

One more thing. It sounds like you need depression treatment. See your family physician as soon as possible.

OP. You are only speaking about yourself and your feelings. Have you told your DH's this? No matter how old your kids are, you are still their mother and always will be. Whether they like you right now or not is irrelevant. You will damage them if you abandon them. IMO this world has enough damaged children They are at the age where kids don't like their parent/parents, they think know everything, are invincible and everyone else is stupid. If your husband and you decide to divorce do it the right way. Do not abandon your children.

Anonymous wrote:It sounds to me like your kids and DH are reacting to your depression and victim persona and prefer not to be around you because it is unpleasant. That doesn't mean that your family doesn't love you, but you can't expect kids, even teens, to understand their mother's mental health issues. Everyone may well be better off if you divorce, but you need therapy first before you make a decision that alters everyone's life.

Exactly. My mother was the same, and I couldn't stand to be around her as a teen. I moved far away as soon as I could, and while I love my mother and would gladly help her out and visit her, I cannot deal with her mental health issues and annoying personality for long periods of time.
If your husband has not mentioned divorce or similar, it probably means he wants you to stay. The person you need to confront seems to be yourself.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds to me like your kids and DH are reacting to your depression and victim persona and prefer not to be around you because it is unpleasant. That doesn't mean that your family doesn't love you, but you can't expect kids, even teens, to understand their mother's mental health issues. Everyone may well be better off if you divorce, but you need therapy first before you make a decision that alters everyone's life.

+1000. Nobody like being around someone who is so miserable and depressed. Op needs to be on meds.

or it might resolve once she is out of the toxic situation.

OP is partly responsible for the toxic environment. Instead of being such a victim, she should hold herself accountable for her situation instead of running away be in all likelihood, she's just going from one miserable situation to another... All mostly of her own making.

Maybe but she won't know until she removes the H from her life that has made it clear he does not like or love her and is only there for the kids.

But is she depressed because her H doesn't love her and did the H fall out of love because she has depression and face it, it would be hard to live with someone like that.