Anonymous
Post 01/07/2015 16:00     Subject: Re:When DH and I were dating we aborted a baby, now we are married and having our first
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:A life is a life. You chose to take one for your own priorities which is a shame. You may want to consider counseling for the negative thinking pattern regarding your husband's perceived reaction. Wishing you all happiness with your new addition.


The would-be parents lives don't count for anything? Quality of life doesn't matter? A life is a life until that baby needs to eat and the parents cant take care of it; then everybody gets really quiet.



That's why there's adoption. It's true accountability and not for one's own self interest, which so many of us lack.



Well said. Seriously. Why is our society so screwed up that a woman feels like if she is pregnant she either has to abort or keep? We should have a campaign to support and adopt. It's a life. Everything about that baby is created when sperm meets egg and successfully implants. If women didn't feel the stigma of it. Although, I had one former friends who did not want to "ruin" her body yet. ugh.
Anonymous
Post 01/07/2015 14:57     Subject: When DH and I were dating we aborted a baby, now we are married and having our first
I was dating my current husband, got pregnant while he was in the final stages of his divorce - papers needed to be signed. Never will forget telling my mom and dad of the news. I was so scared. They were so accepting and loving and said they would help in any way they could. On the other hand, my now MIL said immediately to my husband and I when we told her of my pregnancy, "You should have an abortion." I vehemently said, "No." Then she insinuated I was after her son's money - he was making the average salary of management consultant. I look at my son who is a happy 12 year old and am glad I made the decision I did. Just an aside, my MILs other grandkids from her own daughter treat her like crap and my kids treat her with respect. I will never tell my kids of her previous insensitivity.
Hope all works out for you with your current pregnancy.
Anonymous
Post 01/07/2015 14:47     Subject: When DH and I were dating we aborted a baby, now we are married and having our first
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My DH really wanted kids and we got pregnant earlier than expected, literally honeymoon baby. I was gunning for a big promotion at work and the timing would very possibly have killed my career, so I wanted to end the pregnancy. He wanted the baby but was supportive.

We are now expecting #2 and the topic has honestly never come up. Neither of us resents it, although we are a few years older as parents than we would have been. I think now that we are happy with children it was the right decision and we are so happy there would be no value on dwelling on that time. I suppose had things not worked out (secondary infertility) it might have been harder but that is not the case for you.

I wouldn't dredge up the issue unless you think there is something to discuss. Timing your reproduction is a major part of modern life and is largely a good thing for familiies (in my opinion and it appears in yours too). Life isn't perfect but this is really not a problem in the scheme of things. Save your worries for your current pregnancy and hopefully, future child.


Sorry, to be clear, we now have one child (2) and are expecting #2 shortly. We've been married 7 years or so.


So you aborted your first child for a job promotion?


No. She did it so her future children could have better lives, supported by her career.
Anonymous
Post 01/07/2015 14:43     Subject: When DH and I were dating we aborted a baby, now we are married and having our first
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My DH really wanted kids and we got pregnant earlier than expected, literally honeymoon baby. I was gunning for a big promotion at work and the timing would very possibly have killed my career, so I wanted to end the pregnancy. He wanted the baby but was supportive.

We are now expecting #2 and the topic has honestly never come up. Neither of us resents it, although we are a few years older as parents than we would have been. I think now that we are happy with children it was the right decision and we are so happy there would be no value on dwelling on that time. I suppose had things not worked out (secondary infertility) it might have been harder but that is not the case for you.

I wouldn't dredge up the issue unless you think there is something to discuss. Timing your reproduction is a major part of modern life and is largely a good thing for familiies (in my opinion and it appears in yours too). Life isn't perfect but this is really not a problem in the scheme of things. Save your worries for your current pregnancy and hopefully, future child.


Sorry, to be clear, we now have one child (2) and are expecting #2 shortly. We've been married 7 years or so.


So you aborted your first child for a job promotion?
Anonymous
Post 01/07/2015 14:38     Subject: Re:When DH and I were dating we aborted a baby, now we are married and having our first
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:A life is a life. You chose to take one for your own priorities which is a shame. You may want to consider counseling for the negative thinking pattern regarding your husband's perceived reaction. Wishing you all happiness with your new addition.


The would-be parents lives don't count for anything? Quality of life doesn't matter? A life is a life until that baby needs to eat and the parents cant take care of it; then everybody gets really quiet.



That's why there's adoption. It's true accountability and not for one's own self interest, which so many of us lack.



But not you, of course! You are practically perfect in every way! Jesus said so!
Anonymous
Post 01/07/2015 14:35     Subject: When DH and I were dating we aborted a baby, now we are married and having our first
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You were reckless, God have mercy on your family and soul


My husband changed his whole stance on abortion after our children (a fiance prior aborted a child of theirs). He didn't really care at the time. Now he hates her for doing that. He didn't feel that way until our first child was 18 months or so.


Wow. i didn't really care one way or another but once I actually went through a pregnancy, I became vehemently pro-choice.


Same. Except I had always been pro-choice. Pregnancy just made me more passionate about it.


It is opposite for me. I was very pro choice. Then saw my ultrasound at 8 weeks pregnant and became pro life instantly.


I almost died because of the pregnancy. And the woman I sold my infant car seat to had just lost her daughter in law who died giving birth. I wouldn't wish that on anyone.
Anonymous
Post 01/07/2015 14:23     Subject: When DH and I were dating we aborted a baby, now we are married and having our first
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You were reckless, God have mercy on your family and soul


My husband changed his whole stance on abortion after our children (a fiance prior aborted a child of theirs). He didn't really care at the time. Now he hates her for doing that. He didn't feel that way until our first child was 18 months or so.


Wow. i didn't really care one way or another but once I actually went through a pregnancy, I became vehemently pro-choice.


Same. Except I had always been pro-choice. Pregnancy just made me more passionate about it.


It is opposite for me. I was very pro choice. Then saw my ultrasound at 8 weeks pregnant and became pro life instantly.
Anonymous
Post 01/07/2015 14:08     Subject: When DH and I were dating we aborted a baby, now we are married and having our first
Anonymous wrote:My DH really wanted kids and we got pregnant earlier than expected, literally honeymoon baby. I was gunning for a big promotion at work and the timing would very possibly have killed my career, so I wanted to end the pregnancy. He wanted the baby but was supportive.

We are now expecting #2 and the topic has honestly never come up. Neither of us resents it, although we are a few years older as parents than we would have been. I think now that we are happy with children it was the right decision and we are so happy there would be no value on dwelling on that time. I suppose had things not worked out (secondary infertility) it might have been harder but that is not the case for you.

I wouldn't dredge up the issue unless you think there is something to discuss. Timing your reproduction is a major part of modern life and is largely a good thing for familiies (in my opinion and it appears in yours too). Life isn't perfect but this is really not a problem in the scheme of things. Save your worries for your current pregnancy and hopefully, future child.


Sorry, to be clear, we now have one child (2) and are expecting #2 shortly. We've been married 7 years or so.
Anonymous
Post 01/07/2015 14:08     Subject: When DH and I were dating we aborted a baby, now we are married and having our first
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You were reckless, God have mercy on your family and soul


My husband changed his whole stance on abortion after our children (a fiance prior aborted a child of theirs). He didn't really care at the time. Now he hates her for doing that. He didn't feel that way until our first child was 18 months or so.


Wow. i didn't really care one way or another but once I actually went through a pregnancy, I became vehemently pro-choice.


Same. Except I had always been pro-choice. Pregnancy just made me more passionate about it.
Anonymous
Post 01/07/2015 14:08     Subject: When DH and I were dating we aborted a baby, now we are married and having our first
My DH really wanted kids and we got pregnant earlier than expected, literally honeymoon baby. I was gunning for a big promotion at work and the timing would very possibly have killed my career, so I wanted to end the pregnancy. He wanted the baby but was supportive.

We are now expecting #2 and the topic has honestly never come up. Neither of us resents it, although we are a few years older as parents than we would have been. I think now that we are happy with children it was the right decision and we are so happy there would be no value on dwelling on that time. I suppose had things not worked out (secondary infertility) it might have been harder but that is not the case for you.

I wouldn't dredge up the issue unless you think there is something to discuss. Timing your reproduction is a major part of modern life and is largely a good thing for familiies (in my opinion and it appears in yours too). Life isn't perfect but this is really not a problem in the scheme of things. Save your worries for your current pregnancy and hopefully, future child.
Anonymous
Post 01/07/2015 14:01     Subject: Re:When DH and I were dating we aborted a baby, now we are married and having our first
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:A life is a life. You chose to take one for your own priorities which is a shame. You may want to consider counseling for the negative thinking pattern regarding your husband's perceived reaction. Wishing you all happiness with your new addition.


The would-be parents lives don't count for anything? Quality of life doesn't matter? A life is a life until that baby needs to eat and the parents cant take care of it; then everybody gets really quiet.



That's why there's adoption. It's true accountability and not for one's own self interest, which so many of us lack.

Anonymous
Post 01/07/2015 12:09     Subject: Re:When DH and I were dating we aborted a baby, now we are married and having our first
Anonymous wrote:A life is a life. You chose to take one for your own priorities which is a shame. You may want to consider counseling for the negative thinking pattern regarding your husband's perceived reaction. Wishing you all happiness with your new addition.


The would-be parents lives don't count for anything? Quality of life doesn't matter? A life is a life until that baby needs to eat and the parents cant take care of it; then everybody gets really quiet.
Anonymous
Post 01/07/2015 12:04     Subject: When DH and I were dating we aborted a baby, now we are married and having our first
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You were reckless, God have mercy on your family and soul


My husband changed his whole stance on abortion after our children (a fiance prior aborted a child of theirs). He didn't really care at the time. Now he hates her for doing that. He didn't feel that way until our first child was 18 months or so.


Wow. i didn't really care one way or another but once I actually went through a pregnancy, I became vehemently pro-choice.


+1

Pregnancy is hard and dangerous. I had a perfect pregnancy with my second one, but a very traumatic delivery. I was pretty close to dying during L&D. Motherhood is still a dangerous job in the 21st century. Women should only be asked to risk their life and limb if its her choice to do so.
Anonymous
Post 01/07/2015 11:57     Subject: Re:When DH and I were dating we aborted a baby, now we are married and having our first
Anonymous wrote:A life is a life. You chose to take one for your own priorities which is a shame. You may want to consider counseling for the negative thinking pattern regarding your husband's perceived reaction. Wishing you all happiness with your new addition.


You know, they used to think like that about masturbation, you know. "Thou shalt not spill they seed on the ground" kind of stuff.

She gave up on a potential for life. Just like if you rejected a boyfriend and a better one never came along and now you are 50 and childless. You lost the potential to have life.

To get that mixed up with, and make a leap to, taking a life is kind of nuts.

By the way, do you masturbate? Tsk, tsk, tsk. Stop that immediately. Jesus don't like!!!
Anonymous
Post 01/07/2015 11:56     Subject: When DH and I were dating we aborted a baby, now we are married and having our first
Anonymous wrote:
He hasn't really read up on anything for the baby. What little he has done has been because I said it or someone mentioned it to him in passing - but nothing proactively.


Abortion or not, this is pretty normal. *Most* men don't read up on the whole baby thing. (Most, not all. I'm sure someone will come out of the woodwork to say "My husband was sooooo involved." Good for you. But that's the exception, not the rule.)

As for the abortion, even if you are not religious, I'd check out a post-abortion ministry like Rachel's Vineyard. They'll help you and your husband cope with any uncomfortable feelings as you progress with this pregnancy, with no judgment.

Congratulations on this baby. I wish you a happy, healthy pregnancy.