Anonymous wrote:Wow OP, I am so glad you shared this with us because I honestly could have written the exact same post! My jaw dropped when I read the part about people not responding right away to your text messages and the anxiety that ensues afterward!! I thought I was the ONLY one who endured this. I so hear you on that.

I am on medication(s) for my anxiety issues and I still go through what you do so medication does not thoroughly take it all away as one may think.

I am guessing it also takes some cognitive behavioral techniques that may require some in depth counseling as well.

If you decide to go that route, I sincerely wish you all the best.

Being sensitive is truly a legit issue, it's really not so easy to just "grow some balls" and to just "snap out of it."

I wish it were that easy.

Wow, new poster here. I could have written the OP and the bolded above from another poster.
On the outside you would NEVER know this. I am a 40 year old mom with 3 kids, a successful job, many good friendships, ton of acquaintances. But on the inside I have this constant anxious dialogue in my head. I worry each time someone doesn't return a text within 10 minutes---often even with good friends. I can have a brilliant time at a gathering and then be haunted afterwards because I perceive that I said one stupid thing. I know in my head that THIS IS INSANE thinking. But I just can't seem to turn if off. It tortures me. Literally. I can't rationalize myself out of it.
The only thing that helps is medication for anxiety. When it gets particularly bad I've gone on 6 months or so of an SSRI or SNRI. The drugs just stop the obsessive, irrational thinking and my brain doesn't go there anymore. I can generally go off the meds for a year or more and slowly the anxious thought patterns come back and I end up going back on.

Yes I'm curious too as to how medication changed PP's lives. Have been considering it but have been reluctant.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow op you sound just like me. I'm very introverted and I always feel like I just don't like people. I don't like them because I feel scared and judged by them. I keep my circle very small and I don't like social events like parties with more then 5 people. I tend to go on bindges where I think about every mistake I've ever made socially and have mini panic attacks. Example : I remember lying to kids in first grade about being in the circus. I feel so much guilt over that, sometimes I want to kill myself because I can't make the guilt go away but then I think if I killed myself it would not effect those people I lied to, they don't even remember me or my dumb lie.

Please get help!!! You mentioned that you have considered suicide. You might need to be placed on medication until these feelings pass. Please don't wait. Your situation is an emergency.

PP is right, get help, get on meds.

I completely relate to what you are dealing with. Lexapro changed my life. I am the PP who said life can be much, much better. And it can.

Please stop looking at your mental illness as a personal failing and please don't listen to people who tell you to suck it up, tune it out and go for a run.

The only place you should be running to is a good therapists, but frankly even your GP can write a script for an SSRI TODAY. Call him/her now, get an appointment for today or tomorrow and you could be feeling relief by the weekend. Life is too damn short to be miserable.

And yes, the SSRIs help make the guilt go away because they help your brain "let go" of the evil, repetitive self-hate chatter.

Make that call now.

I can give a +1 to ALL of this. How the first poster feels - cause I have been there - and how meds and therapy can change your life. I also regret not starting an SSRI 20 years ago. I didn't even realize that my way of thinking was so incredibly outside the norm. Life changing is not an exaggeration.

Mind if you share what your thinking was like?
I'm trying to understand all this....
thanks,

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow op you sound just like me. I'm very introverted and I always feel like I just don't like people. I don't like them because I feel scared and judged by them. I keep my circle very small and I don't like social events like parties with more then 5 people. I tend to go on bindges where I think about every mistake I've ever made socially and have mini panic attacks. Example : I remember lying to kids in first grade about being in the circus. I feel so much guilt over that, sometimes I want to kill myself because I can't make the guilt go away but then I think if I killed myself it would not effect those people I lied to, they don't even remember me or my dumb lie.

Please get help!!! You mentioned that you have considered suicide. You might need to be placed on medication until these feelings pass. Please don't wait. Your situation is an emergency.

PP is right, get help, get on meds.

I completely relate to what you are dealing with. Lexapro changed my life. I am the PP who said life can be much, much better. And it can.

Please stop looking at your mental illness as a personal failing and please don't listen to people who tell you to suck it up, tune it out and go for a run.

The only place you should be running to is a good therapists, but frankly even your GP can write a script for an SSRI TODAY. Call him/her now, get an appointment for today or tomorrow and you could be feeling relief by the weekend. Life is too damn short to be miserable.

And yes, the SSRIs help make the guilt go away because they help your brain "let go" of the evil, repetitive self-hate chatter.

Make that call now.

I can give a +1 to ALL of this. How the first poster feels - cause I have been there - and how meds and therapy can change your life. I also regret not starting an SSRI 20 years ago. I didn't even realize that my way of thinking was so incredibly outside the norm. Life changing is not an exaggeration.

Anonymous wrote:I used to be like you, when I was younger. How old are you? I think for me what changed with the amount of heartbreak I'd gone through. All of a sudden I decided fuck what all these people think of me, I wouldn't treat me or anyone else that way and neither should they. I started showing myself more mercy. When I feel bad about a decision I made, I tell myself it was the best decision I made in light of the info I had (which is the case, I am not to the delusional phase yet). The best advice I ever received was be kind to yourself, esp when the world around you isn't kind to you.

Wow, I hope you come back here and see that someone (me) feels the same way. But I'm still a work in progress.

I try to judge myself now like I would judge my friends - with kinds and tons of empathy.

Heartbreak and terrible struggles for the first time in my life were my impetus too. Sometimes adversity is placed into our lives for a bigger reason. Or so I choose to believe.

OP, I hope you can talk to a good therapist. I know you can figure this out. Most of the time, people are consumed with themselves. They hardly notice a faux pas or scandal or anything else. They're too busy struggling with their own issues. (((HUG)))

OP - Look at the Feeling Good Handbook by Dr. Burns - it is the gold standard of self-CBT

Anonymous wrote:This sounds like a tough way to live OP. I second what the PP said about everyone not looking at you that closely; people are usually wrapped up in themselves.

Also I don't know if this will help, but one thing to realize is that even if you do commit a faux pas, or a friend is angry with you, or someone thinks you said something stupid, it ultimately doesn't matter. You want people to think well of you but if someone doesnt- so what? They can't actually hurt you. If your current friends don't like you you can make new ones, you aren't stuck.

Read these forums for a while. What one person finds tacky another person thinks nothing of doing. Who is right? Well, it just depends on who is in your circle. Depends on how they feel that day. There is no absolute right or wrong. You'll never be perfect to everyone, and you'll never please everyone.

Please know that I'm not saying that your friends actually don't like you- I'm sure they do! Just that making a mistake or even someone thinking poorly of you isn't the end of the world.

well said!

I'm sorry you felt that way about your past, OP. Who cares about college rankings once it's over and you have a job? You were surrounded by judgmental people and you need to forget them.

Thanks for all the replies, PPs. I never wanted to use anti-depressants because the one time I did I didn't like the effect they had on me, but maybe I'll give it another go. At least for anxiety.

I just grew up feeling hopelessly inferior and self-critical. My parents were very kind but everyone else around me measured me by things like grades, beauty, things like that. I don't want to blame outside factors for my issues though, I think this is something I am responsible for OR it's just genetic wiring. Or both hah.

I am slowly, SLOWLY, trying to grow the "I don't give a fuck what you think" attitude and to some extent it is working. Recently it surprised me: I finally decided to stop letting people make me feel bad because I went to a small community college (nervous wreck/severe depression in high school, below 3.0 GPA, did great things for my self-esteem). I used to hunch over and break eye contact when I told people I went to a community college or when I was around people with elite educations. Finally I just said to myself: "How dare they make me feel bad about going to community college? I'm pretty cool and they should accept me for who I am, and if they don't they can fuck off."

It worked - for about an hour. Then I was back to being self-conscious, anxious, negative, etc. But for that one hour or so it was like a revelation. Lol.

I slide right back into the cycle. Will look for a new therapist, didn't like my old one.

I grew up in a very guilt ridden environment and get this way. I come across as confident (how I cope), but if someone doesn't call me back right away or addresses an issue with me, I automaticallly get nervous and wonder what I've done wrong (when I've done nothing wrong). I haven't recived a DX, though I've never sought one out, and suspect I have some ADHD w/anxiety. So, how do I cope? Everytime I get paranoid, I think, "I'm not the center of their world. They probably haven't thought about me since we last spoke." Good luck, OP! I hear you.

First of all OP, realize that everyone feels the way you do sometimes. It happens.

I do believe that some people are just more sensitive. As an adult with ADD, I am not myself all that sensitive. Example - there was a kind of heated email exchange between a couple of friends and myself. I saw one of the friends a week or so later and she was trying to avoid me. I walked right up and started chatting and she later mentioned she was sorry about the email. I had to stop and really think what she meant. For me, 50,000 other things had already filtered through my mind and that email was long gone from memory and emotions associated with it but I could tell it was still weighing on her mind. I actually felt more upset then that she held on to that upset for so long when I had pretty much let go within moments of reading the email.