OP Im sorry you're going through this. There may be many reasons for her lack of interest, and it might well be her "fault" entirely and not worth your effort, but I commend you for trying to work on this and asking for advice. Id change the approach a bit and instead of talking to her about it, or even doing counseling, I would do actions and not words. Book a sitter or relative one night for the kids and take her to a hotel or even a weekend away in a place she likes. Buy her nice lingerie, use flattering words like you can't wait to see her in that outfit tonight, or something like that. Make her feel wanted, desired and special. Little things can make a difference: text messages during the day saying you want to cuddle tonight and watch a movie after kids are in bed, or a massage or whatever she likes. There was a time I was overwhelmed and depressed and checked out of my relationship with DH, and things like this would have meant a lot to me. If your efforts have no results, then it's time to reevaluate what really is going on with her.

Did you get fat? Do you still take care of your appearance?

In the prior posts, a couple of folks mention not liking it if DH spends attention elsewhere or flirting/being flirted with by others and enjoying his company when he's pleasant.

I think it bears mentioning that what we find attractive in a person is not always the same as what we find pleasant and likable. It might be that with some couples, the guy has to sacrifice the friendliness for attractiveness in order to keep the marriage strong and sexually active. It's a balancing act.

For example, in some couples, the guy successfully flirting with another woman might piss off his wife, but might also motivate her and/or trigger a dynamic like the one where the kid suddenly wants to play with a long-ignored toy because she sees another kid playing with it.

Get off the internet.

I am a DW in this situation. For me, I am so turned off by how negative my husband is--he nags the kids and I continually about little things, he is unnecessarily strict with our small children, he rarely gives compliments to me or to them. He is forever calling the kids over to explain this and that, which they find tiresome even if it's meant kindly. He has a lot of minor health problems that he complains about, but doesn't go to the doctor or work out. For example, if I say, I think I'm coming down with a cold, he'll say, "I've felt like that for weeks! I TOLD you I had a cold and you just ignored me!" Like I'm not allowed to feel sick without him describing how it's so much worse for him. I think he's hoping that complaining will get me and them to pay attention to him, but it has the opposite effect; we all feel relieved when he is traveling or out of the house.

When he relaxes and has fun, we all enjoy his company. But I am sick and tired of trying to tiptoe around and get him to unwind and be pleasant, so I mostly avoid him when I can. It's seriously screwed up.

If I'm not attracted to DH, I wouldn't like it if he flirted with others or focused outside the home, if anything, it'll solidify that I don't click with him. But, I do see value for you personally to focus on other things. It could be a phase, or she's out of love. Focus on yourself and less on her, you cannot control her. But don't disrespect her either. Maybe she just needs space.

Anonymous wrote:
Get your testosterone levels check out too. You might need a supplement.

Advice brought to you via commercials from the Rx drug industry's latest fad: testosterone.

Fucking brilliant.

Pp- me too!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:bro you gotta be more alpha. Read what Incognita wrote. She got her tingles back when her husband became more alpha.

Forget what your wife thinks. Hit the gym, flirt with other women right in front of her, do whatever you want to do when you want to do it.

Hell if you read this board often enough you see how many women 'give passes' to their DH stepping out of the marriage. I would venture that half of them get turned on in their hind brain that their husband is wanted by other women.

Get your testosterone levels check out too. You might need a supplement.

Just go real heavy compound lifts which will get more testosterone flowing, don't masturbate, and openly flirt with women to get your confidence back. And trust me, your wife will be wanting you more than ever when that happens.

Hate to admit it, but this poster is right. Women DEMAND a strong, decisive man.

DH openly flirting with women would really piss me off.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:bro you gotta be more alpha. Read what Incognita wrote. She got her tingles back when her husband became more alpha.

Forget what your wife thinks. Hit the gym, flirt with other women right in front of her, do whatever you want to do when you want to do it.

Hell if you read this board often enough you see how many women 'give passes' to their DH stepping out of the marriage. I would venture that half of them get turned on in their hind brain that their husband is wanted by other women.

Get your testosterone levels check out too. You might need a supplement.

Just go real heavy compound lifts which will get more testosterone flowing, don't masturbate, and openly flirt with women to get your confidence back. And trust me, your wife will be wanting you more than ever when that happens.

Hate to admit it, but this poster is right. Women DEMAND a strong, decisive man.

You realize this is an oxymoron, right? LOL

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, initial attraction dwindles. That's just a fact of life. People either accept it or seek sttraction elsewhere just to see it dwindle away. Decide what's important to you and pick your poison. Very few, if any, get to have it all.

Initial attraction wanes. But that's too simplistic. You have to understand what your spouse finds attractive - like really attractive - not just what they think make good qualities in a person. You have to work on maintaining or reviving those attractive qualities in yourself. And you have to work on seeing those qualities you find attractive in your spouse.

I agree. It's insufficient to say well there are phases, take a backseat, wait it out. We have to target the things that aren't working and actively change them. Relationships are dynamic, attraction is dynamic. OP just needs to figure out the core and where to work his angle. I'm sure most of us are married to our best friends, but doesn't mean our marriage should shift into a platonic dwelling.

You say you have talked with her about this. What does she say in response?

Anonymous wrote:bro you gotta be more alpha. Read what Incognita wrote. She got her tingles back when her husband became more alpha.

Forget what your wife thinks. Hit the gym, flirt with other women right in front of her, do whatever you want to do when you want to do it.

Hell if you read this board often enough you see how many women 'give passes' to their DH stepping out of the marriage. I would venture that half of them get turned on in their hind brain that their husband is wanted by other women.

Get your testosterone levels check out too. You might need a supplement.

Just go real heavy compound lifts which will get more testosterone flowing, don't masturbate, and openly flirt with women to get your confidence back. And trust me, your wife will be wanting you more than ever when that happens.

Hate to admit it, but this poster is right. Women DEMAND a strong, decisive man.

Anonymous wrote:OP, initial attraction dwindles. That's just a fact of life. People either accept it or seek sttraction elsewhere just to see it dwindle away. Decide what's important to you and pick your poison. Very few, if any, get to have it all.

Initial attraction wanes. But that's too simplistic. You have to understand what your spouse finds attractive - like really attractive - not just what they think make good qualities in a person. You have to work on maintaining or reviving those attractive qualities in yourself. And you have to work on seeing those qualities you find attractive in your spouse.

Does she stay at home?