Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is not a debate about whether or not OP's child needs a change in diet. That is a separate issue, and one for OP/her DH alone to consider. This is a discussion about whether or not it is ever appropriate for a MIL, other extended family member, friend, etc. to make a comment TO A CHILD about her weight, and using a nasty term like "fatty" to do it.

If my MIL did this I'd rip her a new one. Completely unacceptable to guilt a child about her weight and body image, not to mention to model use of rude language. If MIL had a real concern about child's health, she could go to OP/DH (which would probably also be pretty inappropriate, but wouldn't expose the child to her petty BS).

No one is debating whether the kid's diet needs to change. The last 4-5 posts above yours all talk about why older people make these comments and all come to the conclusion that it's ok for someone to say something even if parents conclude that may harm a kid's esteem -- that someone can be a grandparent; in fact it's better it be a grandparent than a stranger on the street.

Anonymous wrote:This is not a debate about whether or not OP's child needs a change in diet. That is a separate issue, and one for OP/her DH alone to consider. This is a discussion about whether or not it is ever appropriate for a MIL, other extended family member, friend, etc. to make a comment TO A CHILD about her weight, and using a nasty term like "fatty" to do it.

If my MIL did this I'd rip her a new one. Completely unacceptable to guilt a child about her weight and body image, not to mention to model use of rude language. If MIL had a real concern about child's health, she could go to OP/DH (which would probably also be pretty inappropriate, but wouldn't expose the child to her petty BS).

Anonymous wrote:
My mother makes comments like this all the time, and doesn't see anything wrong with it. She is French, and self-esteem or the denting of it is not in her vocabulary. She wants to make sure that our under-weight family does not become normal-weight, because in her eyes, we would then be obese! Quelle horreur!

Your DH could perhaps say something.

Anonymous wrote:I'm positive I'm in the minority here, but a grandparent being direct enough to suggest a child is fat or will become fat if they eat certain things is not exactly a federal case. In this world of self esteem and not wanting to hurt our special snowflakes' feelings, someone needs to tell it like it is. Why not let that fall to the grandparents? What they say isn't as important or hurtful as what the parents say? So if the kids are hurt for 4 seconds, maybe next time they'll think "maybe I shouldn't have whipped cream on the pie, grandma thinks I'm getting fat even though no one else will admit that."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here- DH and I talked. We are on the exact same page and he is super pissed, too. MIL went right to bed after dinner (what she always does), so he is going to talk to her this morning.

I had totally forgotten about this until this morning, but a couple of years ago she was calling our then 6 year-old son "fat boy" while playing board games with him. She would say, "I've got you beat, fat boy!" and stuff like that. DH lit into her then, but she must have forgotten how we feel about these kinds of comments.

And, no, our son is not fat. He's super lean and athletic.

They leave tomorrow, thank goodness.

I'm not condoning what she said, and I'm sure you don't want to hear it BUT -- a girl who is in the 90th for height and 75th for weight likely looks "big" from MIL's perspective. I don't mean that she's fat or that she's even chubby, but I bet you she's bigger than what the average 4th grade girl was like back when MIL was raising kids; that's not a critique of your DD but just what's true in the average Am. population -- there is a size difference btwn an avg 9 yr old now vs. back in 1975 or 85. Same is probably true of your son. With that framework, she's probably thinking -- do these already "big" kids really need stuff like whipped cream?

It's not irrelevant. People from other generations -- and people from other countries -- make comments about weight/food where they see people who are unlike what they're used to seeing. I'm not suggesting they SHOULD do that, but they do. I have European colleagues who will openly talk about how "BIG" their American co workers are. They don't do it on an individual basis, but they will say things like how the women would have trouble shopping in Paris bc the stores don't stock large sizes etc. These comments come from a differing perspective.

NP here. Are you for real? The size of the child in question is absolutely irrelevant and it's disgusting that you would think otherwise.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here- DH and I talked. We are on the exact same page and he is super pissed, too. MIL went right to bed after dinner (what she always does), so he is going to talk to her this morning.

I had totally forgotten about this until this morning, but a couple of years ago she was calling our then 6 year-old son "fat boy" while playing board games with him. She would say, "I've got you beat, fat boy!" and stuff like that. DH lit into her then, but she must have forgotten how we feel about these kinds of comments.

And, no, our son is not fat. He's super lean and athletic.

They leave tomorrow, thank goodness.

I'm not condoning what she said, and I'm sure you don't want to hear it BUT -- a girl who is in the 90th for height and 75th for weight likely looks "big" from MIL's perspective. I don't mean that she's fat or that she's even chubby, but I bet you she's bigger than what the average 4th grade girl was like back when MIL was raising kids; that's not a critique of your DD but just what's true in the average Am. population -- there is a size difference btwn an avg 9 yr old now vs. back in 1975 or 85. Same is probably true of your son. With that framework, she's probably thinking -- do these already "big" kids really need stuff like whipped cream?

Anonymous wrote:OP here- DH and I talked. We are on the exact same page and he is super pissed, too. MIL went right to bed after dinner (what she always does), so he is going to talk to her this morning.

I had totally forgotten about this until this morning, but a couple of years ago she was calling our then 6 year-old son "fat boy" while playing board games with him. She would say, "I've got you beat, fat boy!" and stuff like that. DH lit into her then, but she must have forgotten how we feel about these kinds of comments.

And, no, our son is not fat. He's super lean and athletic.

They leave tomorrow, thank goodness.

Anonymous wrote:I truly have no words. My husband was there, too, and said nothing. We are at our house and they are visiting from out of town.
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I know I should have said something at that moment, but I was just caught so off-guard. She often makes comments about what I eat (I weigh about 12 pounds more than I did when I got married 13 years ago) and what other adults eat, but this is the first time she said anything about my kids. According to my MIL, I always make waaayyy too much food and, once, when I told her the chicken piccata I was making was Ree Drummond's recipe (Pioneer Woman) she looked at me and smirked and said, "Ewww. Her food is so fatty and so gross."

I'm going to go and have a talk with my husband right now.

The saddest part of all of this is that my mother who was just incredible passed away a few years ago. My kids and I are now stuck with this.

Anonymous wrote:She may have problems with food herself, and if that's the case, it will be difficult for her to see what is wrong with her comments. Sometimes people don't even realize that they have disordered attitudes toward food and eating, even when it is pointed out to them.