Anonymous
Post 01/07/2015 22:59     Subject: Re:For those with older only kids
Im the OP, Thank you for the responses from those of you who actually fit the profile that I was seeking insight from. Your comments and experience has been helpful. Thank you.
To those whose are not actually parents of onlies, I hope giving your unsolicited opinions made you feel superior.
Anonymous
Post 01/07/2015 22:38     Subject: For those with older only kids
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Parents of one hover and then they hover any minimal grandkids they have too. And they always fight to have their one and only at every holiday and event in their lives. And then they hover over you because you are their never-had daughter. I married an only and it SUCKS! I came from a family of 4 and it is just so much different.



Apparently you didn't learn critical thinking skills in your family of origin. How unfortunate for you.


Not the PP but this makes no sense whatsoever. Are you saying they should use their critical thinking to tell their in-laws to not be around? To spend Christmas alone. I am married to an only child myself and this is a huge issue. Spoiling my 2 kids so over the top because they are the only grandkids. Telling me how to raise them, offended if we don't invite them to every little play, musical, soccer game etc... Not understanding that I have my family and want to see them without them 2 tagging along sometimes. It is a slippery slope. If there was just one more sibling with or without another grandkid would give my husband and I some breathing room. And the part about them aging (someone else mentioned) scares me a lot. It is a lot to take with no help.


The above issue has more to do with the person rather than family size. My aunt has 4 kids and each kid is starting to have kids of their own. She is offended when they choose to celebrate holidays with their spouses family - even if some of her kids celebrate with her! She wants ALL of them there with her. Not to mention she is is overbearing when the new grandkids come and having 4 kids herself, she is the expert on everything related to kid. She can't be alone and needs to be the center of attention and this has nothing to do with how many kid she has. She guilts them all when they don't put her first.
Anonymous
Post 01/07/2015 14:15     Subject: For those with older only kids
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Parents of one hover and then they hover any minimal grandkids they have too. And they always fight to have their one and only at every holiday and event in their lives. And then they hover over you because you are their never-had daughter. I married an only and it SUCKS! I came from a family of 4 and it is just so much different.



Apparently you didn't learn critical thinking skills in your family of origin. How unfortunate for you.


Not the PP but this makes no sense whatsoever. Are you saying they should use their critical thinking to tell their in-laws to not be around? To spend Christmas alone. I am married to an only child myself and this is a huge issue. Spoiling my 2 kids so over the top because they are the only grandkids. Telling me how to raise them, offended if we don't invite them to every little play, musical, soccer game etc... Not understanding that I have my family and want to see them without them 2 tagging along sometimes. It is a slippery slope. If there was just one more sibling with or without another grandkid would give my husband and I some breathing room. And the part about them aging (someone else mentioned) scares me a lot. It is a lot to take with no help.


This would be appropriate for a discussion of why not to MARRY an only, not whether or not to HAVE an only. Too bad you married into a family that you don't like. You don't sound that likeable yourself, so there's that.
Anonymous
Post 01/07/2015 13:32     Subject: For those with older only kids
I am an only, my mom is an only and I have an only (what a mothful). No regrets here, I am close to my mom as she is to my GM. My DS is very outgoing and has no problem making friends, but loves his "me" time too.

To PPs complaining about the holdays and over the top visits - in my house the rule is the holidays are held at my place (we have bigger house anyways) and my mom and her DH visit generally one weekend day for couple of hours (they live nearby). Actually quite a welcome respite for me as I can relax while DS spends time with GPs. I dont get all the complaining, make your own rules.
Anonymous
Post 01/07/2015 13:25     Subject: Re:For those with older only kids
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:As an only myself, the reason I would never choose to have an only is not the childhood period (when as others have said, I learned to relate well to adults, enjoyed a great relationship with parents, and developed very strong relationships with friends and their families, and vice versa, to "fill in " for no siblings). The issue is instead what happens when you become an adult and deal with aging parents. Being the only outlet and support for them is difficult, both practically and simply in terms of having another person (besides spouse) to talk to about decisions. It can be a lot to put onto a single person, and then when parents die, no family left other than your own kids. Just something else to think about. It definitely induced me to have two children, and we are lucky because now as young adults they are best friends and supports for each other.


My husband is the middle child of three. His father died suddenly and DH handled all the death and after death arrangements. Several years later when his mother was diagnosed with a terminal and debilitating disease, DH cared for his mother with no support from either sibling. He says he was always grateful that his mother was kind and thus had good girlfriends because they helped him a plenty. Btw, when his mom died, his siblings were there for the funeral and the reading of the will. I still despise his sister to this day, and have no contact with her. There is no guarantee that siblings will be there for each other when you age.

I too am from a family of three children, and we did work together when my mom became seriously ill. So, I guess your chances are 50/50.


You think from your personal experience that having siblings (2, 3, 4 or more) have a 50% chance of having no contact with them in adulthood and doing 100% everything for your parents while the other siblings do nothing? Really now. What a stupid generalization. Siblings are extremely important and I don't know any friends, cousins and my own spouse, and siblings who don't keep contact with their siblings. So could I say it is 100% chance? No but I know the number is on the smaller side and no where near 50%.


No dear. What is a stupid generalization is believing that because you have a sibling(s) you will get along, or they will be there for support in parents aging years. Now that's a damn stupid reason to have multiple children. If you want multiple children, by all means go for it. But don't do it believing they will be best friends , or even speak to one another. And I would say you don't know very many people if you think they all the people you know keep in contact or like their siblings.
Anonymous
Post 01/07/2015 12:54     Subject: For those with older only kids
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Parents of one hover and then they hover any minimal grandkids they have too. And they always fight to have their one and only at every holiday and event in their lives. And then they hover over you because you are their never-had daughter. I married an only and it SUCKS! I came from a family of 4 and it is just so much different.



Apparently you didn't learn critical thinking skills in your family of origin. How unfortunate for you.


Not the PP but this makes no sense whatsoever. Are you saying they should use their critical thinking to tell their in-laws to not be around? To spend Christmas alone. I am married to an only child myself and this is a huge issue. Spoiling my 2 kids so over the top because they are the only grandkids. Telling me how to raise them, offended if we don't invite them to every little play, musical, soccer game etc... Not understanding that I have my family and want to see them without them 2 tagging along sometimes. It is a slippery slope. If there was just one more sibling with or without another grandkid would give my husband and I some breathing room. And the part about them aging (someone else mentioned) scares me a lot. It is a lot to take with no help.
Anonymous
Post 01/07/2015 12:48     Subject: Re:For those with older only kids
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:As an only myself, the reason I would never choose to have an only is not the childhood period (when as others have said, I learned to relate well to adults, enjoyed a great relationship with parents, and developed very strong relationships with friends and their families, and vice versa, to "fill in " for no siblings). The issue is instead what happens when you become an adult and deal with aging parents. Being the only outlet and support for them is difficult, both practically and simply in terms of having another person (besides spouse) to talk to about decisions. It can be a lot to put onto a single person, and then when parents die, no family left other than your own kids. Just something else to think about. It definitely induced me to have two children, and we are lucky because now as young adults they are best friends and supports for each other.


My husband is the middle child of three. His father died suddenly and DH handled all the death and after death arrangements. Several years later when his mother was diagnosed with a terminal and debilitating disease, DH cared for his mother with no support from either sibling. He says he was always grateful that his mother was kind and thus had good girlfriends because they helped him a plenty. Btw, when his mom died, his siblings were there for the funeral and the reading of the will. I still despise his sister to this day, and have no contact with her. There is no guarantee that siblings will be there for each other when you age.

I too am from a family of three children, and we did work together when my mom became seriously ill. So, I guess your chances are 50/50.


You think from your personal experience that having siblings (2, 3, 4 or more) have a 50% chance of having no contact with them in adulthood and doing 100% everything for your parents while the other siblings do nothing? Really now. What a stupid generalization. Siblings are extremely important and I don't know any friends, cousins and my own spouse, and siblings who don't keep contact with their siblings. So could I say it is 100% chance? No but I know the number is on the smaller side and no where near 50%.
Anonymous
Post 01/07/2015 11:51     Subject: For those with older only kids
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I was the same as you, I got a dog with the original intention of only having one, but after a couple weeks (which is basically a year in dog years) I felt she needed a playmate so I got another. This is probably what will happen to you.

It's really unfair to keep an only child be themselves like that.


Yeah because your dog is equal to a kid. Come back when you have to clothe, educate, and put braces on their teeth.
Anonymous
Post 01/07/2015 11:50     Subject: For those with older only kids
Anonymous wrote:I was the same as you, I got a dog with the original intention of only having one, but after a couple weeks (which is basically a year in dog years) I felt she needed a playmate so I got another. This is probably what will happen to you.

It's really unfair to keep an only child be themselves like that.


Yeah because your child is equal to a kid. Come back when you have to clothe, educate, and put braces on their teeth.
Anonymous
Post 01/07/2015 11:48     Subject: Re:For those with older only kids
Anonymous wrote:As an only myself, the reason I would never choose to have an only is not the childhood period (when as others have said, I learned to relate well to adults, enjoyed a great relationship with parents, and developed very strong relationships with friends and their families, and vice versa, to "fill in " for no siblings). The issue is instead what happens when you become an adult and deal with aging parents. Being the only outlet and support for them is difficult, both practically and simply in terms of having another person (besides spouse) to talk to about decisions. It can be a lot to put onto a single person, and then when parents die, no family left other than your own kids. Just something else to think about. It definitely induced me to have two children, and we are lucky because now as young adults they are best friends and supports for each other.


My husband is the middle child of three. His father died suddenly and DH handled all the death and after death arrangements. Several years later when his mother was diagnosed with a terminal and debilitating disease, DH cared for his mother with no support from either sibling. He says he was always grateful that his mother was kind and thus had good girlfriends because they helped him a plenty. Btw, when his mom died, his siblings were there for the funeral and the reading of the will. I still despise his sister to this day, and have no contact with her. There is no guarantee that siblings will be there for each other when you age.

I too am from a family of three children, and we did work together when my mom became seriously ill. So, I guess your chances are 50/50.
Anonymous
Post 01/07/2015 07:37     Subject: For those with older only kids
I was the same as you, I got a dog with the original intention of only having one, but after a couple weeks (which is basically a year in dog years) I felt she needed a playmate so I got another. This is probably what will happen to you.

It's really unfair to keep an only child be themselves like that.
Anonymous
Post 01/07/2015 07:18     Subject: Re:For those with older only kids
As an only myself, the reason I would never choose to have an only is not the childhood period (when as others have said, I learned to relate well to adults, enjoyed a great relationship with parents, and developed very strong relationships with friends and their families, and vice versa, to "fill in " for no siblings). The issue is instead what happens when you become an adult and deal with aging parents. Being the only outlet and support for them is difficult, both practically and simply in terms of having another person (besides spouse) to talk to about decisions. It can be a lot to put onto a single person, and then when parents die, no family left other than your own kids. Just something else to think about. It definitely induced me to have two children, and we are lucky because now as young adults they are best friends and supports for each other.
Anonymous
Post 01/07/2015 07:15     Subject: For those with older only kids
Anonymous wrote:Parents of one hover and then they hover any minimal grandkids they have too. And they always fight to have their one and only at every holiday and event in their lives. And then they hover over you because you are their never-had daughter. I married an only and it SUCKS! I came from a family of 4 and it is just so much different.



Apparently you didn't learn critical thinking skills in your family of origin. How unfortunate for you.
Anonymous
Post 01/07/2015 03:58     Subject: Re:For those with older only kids
Anonymous wrote:I was an only and my relationship with my single mother was much closer than any of my friends had. A mother with more than one child will certainly love them the same but there are only 24 hours in a day. All of my mother's free time was mine.

DH and I also have an Only who is now 14. Aside from the fact that we have been able to afford private school for her, we have been able to travel extensively with her. We are both very close to our daughter, who has lots of friends and activities. I've never had siblings or multiple children so I cannot compare but I loved being and only and having an only.
Anonymous
Post 01/07/2015 00:29     Subject: For those with older only kids
I think you are overthinking it. Many people end up having only children for various reasons.

I have 4 only children in my girl scout troop and the only difference between them and the girls with siblings is that they are better at relating to adults. They are all lovely young women (when the middle school hormones are not raging!).