Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think there's a lot of jumping to conclusions here lol. OP hasn't given us enough information regarding what she may or may not be doing to push her husband to be less than honest with her.

Let me say this, there is a clear communication problem here, even if its just one-sided. Also, there seems to be a problem with trust. You can't trust your husband to tell you the truth and he won't tell you the truth because he thinks he can't trust your response. This is definitely a cause for concern.

Have you guys ever tried marriage counseling? Did you do any kind of pre-marriage counseling? We all bring unique behaviors and attitudes into our relationships that are less than ideal. I would say most people don't have the ability to see their own issues and work to fix them. If our spouse sees a problem and points it out, we're quick to get defensive. I think these dynamics are precisely why counseling is important and can be life-changing to a relationship.

If you'd be interested in counseling but don't know where to start, I would recommend an organization like Focus on the Family. They have free counseling services available by phone or through their website - http://bit.ly/1DiYyPl. I hope that helps. Hang in there!

#HappyNewYear
#2015WillBeBetter
#Livn'ItUpInCO

Focus on the Family is a right-wing Jesus-worshipping nuthouse. It is a hate organization that is vehemently anti-gay, advocates prayer in schools, and promotes creationism and traditional gender roles.

In other words, it's a deeply offensive organization that couldn't possibly have anything worthwhile to tell a couple in need of marriage counseling.

+1000!!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, i really feel bad for you. I am in the same boat. And although, some of the nastier posters are somewhat right in certain point IT DOES NOT JUSTIFY LYING! Liars of all kinds (no matter the reason) are cowards. We lie because we are afraid. When grown men lie, they act cowardly. This is the difference between a child and an adult. An adult should be able to handle the truth and consequences to mistakes. For those who are embezzling money, hiding places they went etc. Why blame the other partner? Blame themselves for not being honest and putting their foot down or negotiating it out with their partners. Lying is like cheating. Its an easy way out. An easy way to get what you want w/o wing honest to their partner. Now, I do agree there were other issues there BEFORE lying started probably. THose were not addressed, and now he has resorted to lying.

Unfortunatley, I think its time for you to leave. Lying is again like cheating. No matter how much therapy, whatever happens now, you will never 100% trust him. Without trust, there is not backbone in the relationship. You will never get over this completley. Even if he does "change", i fear the lying will happen again at some point. He is a coward. THere will be another time in the future where he wont want to face the truth and he will lie again. Move on and find someone stronger. Good luck

^^This is a perfect example of how abusive people treat their partners. There's a lot of judgment and victim crying, but no responsibility taken.

Lol. Are you having a laugh?

Plenty of victims can recognize that they are being treated poorly- sometimes it is one sided. Acknowledging that does not magically turn them from victim into abuser.

Victims usually place some or all blame on themselves. You should educate yourself.

No, you need to educate yourself. Victims who have recognized the abuse often realize that it's not their fault.

I don't see that in the post above. I see name-calling, victim-crying and lots of judgement, which are the markers of an abusive person. Feel free to call it whatever helps you sleep at night.

Anonymous wrote:He lies to me or omits information to avoid my getting irritated or annoyed about things, or to avoid having to ask me if I agree to something (e.g., things related to our children that both parents should decide). I'm pretty sure he may even lie to me or obviously hide things from me in front of his family. I find myself disgusted with this behavior and thinking less of him--thinking that he is a coward. And I feel like his family will have zero respect for me-- why should they when they can see that he keeps things from me? Am I justified? Anyone else go through this and is it possible to salvage this relationship?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think there's a lot of jumping to conclusions here lol. OP hasn't given us enough information regarding what she may or may not be doing to push her husband to be less than honest with her.

Let me say this, there is a clear communication problem here, even if its just one-sided. Also, there seems to be a problem with trust. You can't trust your husband to tell you the truth and he won't tell you the truth because he thinks he can't trust your response. This is definitely a cause for concern.

Have you guys ever tried marriage counseling? Did you do any kind of pre-marriage counseling? We all bring unique behaviors and attitudes into our relationships that are less than ideal. I would say most people don't have the ability to see their own issues and work to fix them. If our spouse sees a problem and points it out, we're quick to get defensive. I think these dynamics are precisely why counseling is important and can be life-changing to a relationship.

If you'd be interested in counseling but don't know where to start, I would recommend an organization like Focus on the Family. They have free counseling services available by phone or through their website - http://bit.ly/1DiYyPl. I hope that helps. Hang in there!

#HappyNewYear
#2015WillBeBetter
#Livn'ItUpInCO

Focus on the Family is a right-wing Jesus-worshipping nuthouse. It is a hate organization that is vehemently anti-gay, advocates prayer in schools, and promotes creationism and traditional gender roles.

In other words, it's a deeply offensive organization that couldn't possibly have anything worthwhile to tell a couple in need of marriage counseling.

Anonymous wrote:He lies to me or omits information to avoid my getting irritated or annoyed about things, or to avoid having to ask me if I agree to something (e.g., things related to our children that both parents should decide). I'm pretty sure he may even lie to me or obviously hide things from me in front of his family. I find myself disgusted with this behavior and thinking less of him--thinking that he is a coward. And I feel like his family will have zero respect for me-- why should they when they can see that he keeps things from me? Am I justified? Anyone else go through this and is it possible to salvage this relationship?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, i really feel bad for you. I am in the same boat. And although, some of the nastier posters are somewhat right in certain point IT DOES NOT JUSTIFY LYING! Liars of all kinds (no matter the reason) are cowards. We lie because we are afraid. When grown men lie, they act cowardly. This is the difference between a child and an adult. An adult should be able to handle the truth and consequences to mistakes. For those who are embezzling money, hiding places they went etc. Why blame the other partner? Blame themselves for not being honest and putting their foot down or negotiating it out with their partners. Lying is like cheating. Its an easy way out. An easy way to get what you want w/o wing honest to their partner. Now, I do agree there were other issues there BEFORE lying started probably. THose were not addressed, and now he has resorted to lying.

Unfortunatley, I think its time for you to leave. Lying is again like cheating. No matter how much therapy, whatever happens now, you will never 100% trust him. Without trust, there is not backbone in the relationship. You will never get over this completley. Even if he does "change", i fear the lying will happen again at some point. He is a coward. THere will be another time in the future where he wont want to face the truth and he will lie again. Move on and find someone stronger. Good luck

^^This is a perfect example of how abusive people treat their partners. There's a lot of judgment and victim crying, but no responsibility taken.

Lol. Are you having a laugh?

Plenty of victims can recognize that they are being treated poorly- sometimes it is one sided. Acknowledging that does not magically turn them from victim into abuser.

Victims usually place some or all blame on themselves. You should educate yourself.

No, you need to educate yourself. Victims who have recognized the abuse often realize that it's not their fault.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, i really feel bad for you. I am in the same boat. And although, some of the nastier posters are somewhat right in certain point IT DOES NOT JUSTIFY LYING! Liars of all kinds (no matter the reason) are cowards. We lie because we are afraid. When grown men lie, they act cowardly. This is the difference between a child and an adult. An adult should be able to handle the truth and consequences to mistakes. For those who are embezzling money, hiding places they went etc. Why blame the other partner? Blame themselves for not being honest and putting their foot down or negotiating it out with their partners. Lying is like cheating. Its an easy way out. An easy way to get what you want w/o wing honest to their partner. Now, I do agree there were other issues there BEFORE lying started probably. THose were not addressed, and now he has resorted to lying.

Unfortunatley, I think its time for you to leave. Lying is again like cheating. No matter how much therapy, whatever happens now, you will never 100% trust him. Without trust, there is not backbone in the relationship. You will never get over this completley. Even if he does "change", i fear the lying will happen again at some point. He is a coward. THere will be another time in the future where he wont want to face the truth and he will lie again. Move on and find someone stronger. Good luck

^^This is a perfect example of how abusive people treat their partners. There's a lot of judgment and victim crying, but no responsibility taken.

Lol. Are you having a laugh?

Plenty of victims can recognize that they are being treated poorly- sometimes it is one sided. Acknowledging that does not magically turn them from victim into abuser.

Victims usually place some or all blame on themselves. You should educate yourself.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, i really feel bad for you. I am in the same boat. And although, some of the nastier posters are somewhat right in certain point IT DOES NOT JUSTIFY LYING! Liars of all kinds (no matter the reason) are cowards. We lie because we are afraid. When grown men lie, they act cowardly. This is the difference between a child and an adult. An adult should be able to handle the truth and consequences to mistakes. For those who are embezzling money, hiding places they went etc. Why blame the other partner? Blame themselves for not being honest and putting their foot down or negotiating it out with their partners. Lying is like cheating. Its an easy way out. An easy way to get what you want w/o wing honest to their partner. Now, I do agree there were other issues there BEFORE lying started probably. THose were not addressed, and now he has resorted to lying.

Unfortunatley, I think its time for you to leave. Lying is again like cheating. No matter how much therapy, whatever happens now, you will never 100% trust him. Without trust, there is not backbone in the relationship. You will never get over this completley. Even if he does "change", i fear the lying will happen again at some point. He is a coward. THere will be another time in the future where he wont want to face the truth and he will lie again. Move on and find someone stronger. Good luck

^^This is a perfect example of how abusive people treat their partners. There's a lot of judgment and victim crying, but no responsibility taken.

Lol. Are you having a laugh?

Plenty of victims can recognize that they are being treated poorly- sometimes it is one sided. Acknowledging that does not magically turn them from victim into abuser.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, i really feel bad for you. I am in the same boat. And although, some of the nastier posters are somewhat right in certain point IT DOES NOT JUSTIFY LYING! Liars of all kinds (no matter the reason) are cowards. We lie because we are afraid. When grown men lie, they act cowardly. This is the difference between a child and an adult. An adult should be able to handle the truth and consequences to mistakes. For those who are embezzling money, hiding places they went etc. Why blame the other partner? Blame themselves for not being honest and putting their foot down or negotiating it out with their partners. Lying is like cheating. Its an easy way out. An easy way to get what you want w/o wing honest to their partner. Now, I do agree there were other issues there BEFORE lying started probably. THose were not addressed, and now he has resorted to lying.

Unfortunatley, I think its time for you to leave. Lying is again like cheating. No matter how much therapy, whatever happens now, you will never 100% trust him. Without trust, there is not backbone in the relationship. You will never get over this completley. Even if he does "change", i fear the lying will happen again at some point. He is a coward. THere will be another time in the future where he wont want to face the truth and he will lie again. Move on and find someone stronger. Good luck

^^This is a perfect example of how abusive people treat their partners. There's a lot of judgment and victim crying, but no responsibility taken.

Anonymous wrote:I think there's a lot of jumping to conclusions here lol. OP hasn't given us enough information regarding what she may or may not be doing to push her husband to be less than honest with her.

Let me say this, there is a clear communication problem here, even if its just one-sided. Also, there seems to be a problem with trust. You can't trust your husband to tell you the truth and he won't tell you the truth because he thinks he can't trust your response. This is definitely a cause for concern.

Have you guys ever tried marriage counseling? Did you do any kind of pre-marriage counseling? We all bring unique behaviors and attitudes into our relationships that are less than ideal. I would say most people don't have the ability to see their own issues and work to fix them. If our spouse sees a problem and points it out, we're quick to get defensive. I think these dynamics are precisely why counseling is important and can be life-changing to a relationship.

If you'd be interested in counseling but don't know where to start, I would recommend an organization like Focus on the Family. They have free counseling services available by phone or through their website - http://bit.ly/1DiYyPl. I hope that helps. Hang in there!

#HappyNewYear
#2015WillBeBetter
#Livn'ItUpInCO

Anonymous wrote:OP, i really feel bad for you. I am in the same boat. And although, some of the nastier posters are somewhat right in certain point IT DOES NOT JUSTIFY LYING! Liars of all kinds (no matter the reason) are cowards. We lie because we are afraid. When grown men lie, they act cowardly. This is the difference between a child and an adult. An adult should be able to handle the truth and consequences to mistakes. For those who are embezzling money, hiding places they went etc. Why blame the other partner? Blame themselves for not being honest and putting their foot down or negotiating it out with their partners. Lying is like cheating. Its an easy way out. An easy way to get what you want w/o wing honest to their partner. Now, I do agree there were other issues there BEFORE lying started probably. THose were not addressed, and now he has resorted to lying.

Unfortunatley, I think its time for you to leave. Lying is again like cheating. No matter how much therapy, whatever happens now, you will never 100% trust him. Without trust, there is not backbone in the relationship. You will never get over this completley. Even if he does "change", i fear the lying will happen again at some point. He is a coward. THere will be another time in the future where he wont want to face the truth and he will lie again. Move on and find someone stronger. Good luck

Anonymous wrote:In many cases, especially when the time involved is under an hour or it's under $25, I find it easier to work around my DW than to work with her.