OP, I hope your DH is smarter than you. Leave the $$ decisions up to him. You have no clue.

Anonymous wrote:We're on the McLean/Arlington line and I SAH. Income of $350K. We don't live in new build and there is absolutely NO family money. In fact, we have massive student loans. I suspect we have less disposable income than the folks we interact with the most. It's not really an issue for us, but if someone is really into "keeping up", it might be uncomfortable. There are no exotic vacations and no nanny. We have a regular cleaner and drive cars on the nicer end of mid-range. I'm not going to be a cliche and say I feel "poor", nor are we struggling, by any stretch. But in terms of keeping up? We don't -- whatever can be extrapolated from that. Maybe others are drowning in debt. Maybe there's family money. Maybe they're rolling in it. Maybe there was a massive lawsuit settlement. Maybe they hit the lottery. Maybe we manage our own money poorly. Maybe I'm totally full of shit.

I could have written exactly this post! It's all exactly true for me too. Our HHI is slightly higher but still under $400K. It's risen steadily in the past 5 years but our lifestyle has not changed. If I were inclined to care about keeping up with others, I would end up spending way too much and we would be in debt or not saving. So for someone like OP, staying home on $350K in this area is probably not the best idea. For a grownup with reasonable self-esteem and well-placed priorities, it should be fine.

I would try to be above the median hhi in the neighborhood. I think it's hilarious people are giving op shit while on elsewhere on dcum are telling people to live within your means.

OP - dont think you are going to get much joy from the Mclean mums.
I dont live in Mclean - by close by in North Arlington. Im a SAHM (but gagging to go back to work but thats another issue)
Our HHI is about 450k. We dont have a new house, drive basic cars, school age kid goes to public school. We are however, going skiing in colorado, go abroad on vacations and have a part time nanny, cleaner and gardener.
Our neighbourhood is fairly diverse and people are nice so I dont think there would be any issue here on HHI. Ive made some friends (just moved in) but have no clue how much they earn.
PPs point about it being difficult to gauge based on conspicuous consumption is correct - different people value different things.
At any rate, I doubt people socialize with others based on HHI - the thread about the woman who is wealthy but find that others of the same level shun her family is telling.
I think you will be fine to be a SAHM on your HHI.

We're on the McLean/Arlington line and I SAH. Income of $350K. We don't live in new build and there is absolutely NO family money. In fact, we have massive student loans. I suspect we have less disposable income than the folks we interact with the most. It's not really an issue for us, but if someone is really into "keeping up", it might be uncomfortable. There are no exotic vacations and no nanny. We have a regular cleaner and drive cars on the nicer end of mid-range. I'm not going to be a cliche and say I feel "poor", nor are we struggling, by any stretch. But in terms of keeping up? We don't -- whatever can be extrapolated from that. Maybe others are drowning in debt. Maybe there's family money. Maybe they're rolling in it. Maybe there was a massive lawsuit settlement. Maybe they hit the lottery. Maybe we manage our own money poorly. Maybe I'm totally full of shit.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How the hell do you know *how* your neighbors do? They could be riding around in a Tesla on fucking credit? You people are absurd!

you know, when families go skiing to colorado over winter break or belize/costa rica for spring break or send kids to europe for summer before college, or by the cars and jewelry and clothes and eating out in Gilberts all the time.

not sure why someone is arguing, it is much easier to be on the same level as others when raising kids. People that are different get excluded.

then move.

If I could do it over again, I definitely would not have moved into mclean.

The OP is asking for advice.

I think by the level of these responses she knows the answer.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How the hell do you know *how* your neighbors do? They could be riding around in a Tesla on fucking credit? You people are absurd!

you know, when families go skiing to colorado over winter break or belize/costa rica for spring break or send kids to europe for summer before college, or by the cars and jewelry and clothes and eating out in Gilberts all the time.

not sure why someone is arguing, it is much easier to be on the same level as others when raising kids. People that are different get excluded.

if this is how you feel clearly you should keep working so you can keep up. have fun.

Anonymous wrote:

It does matter because you typically want to fit in or else it will either be uncomfortable or awkward. We don't subscribe to being the poorest on the block and struggling.

OMG. I am laughing so hard at this silly ass comment !

Me too. You don't "subscribe" to it? Classic. How are you defining struggling, by the way? No private school? Doomed to Langley...

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How the hell do you know *how* your neighbors do? They could be riding around in a Tesla on fucking credit? You people are absurd!

you know, when families go skiing to colorado over winter break or belize/costa rica for spring break or send kids to europe for summer before college, or by the cars and jewelry and clothes and eating out in Gilberts all the time.

not sure why someone is arguing, it is much easier to be on the same level as others when raising kids. People that are different get excluded.

so you're an insecure sheep? sweet life, bro.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How the hell do you know *how* your neighbors do? They could be riding around in a Tesla on fucking credit? You people are absurd!

you know, when families go skiing to colorado over winter break or belize/costa rica for spring break or send kids to europe for summer before college, or by the cars and jewelry and clothes and eating out in Gilberts all the time.

not sure why someone is arguing, it is much easier to be on the same level as others when raising kids. People that are different get excluded.

then move.

Anonymous wrote:How the hell do you know *how* your neighbors do? They could be riding around in a Tesla on fucking credit? You people are absurd!

you know, when families go skiing to colorado over winter break or belize/costa rica for spring break or send kids to europe for summer before college, or by the cars and jewelry and clothes and eating out in Gilberts all the time.

not sure why someone is arguing, it is much easier to be on the same level as others when raising kids. People that are different get excluded.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you can afford to go SAH and still support your current lifestyle, how does it affect you one iota whether your neighbors are making 5x that amount? Explain it to me.

Because, your relative position to those you live near directly affects your happiness. Been studied a lot. We can all pretend it doesn't and that we are above that, but the science doesn't lie.

care to cite the "science"???

Just google. This is a well-studied area.

interesting because I could care less. we are doing fine on our income and could care less what our neighbors earn.

Strange

frankly I think its strange you care so much. there is so much more to life than keeping up with your neighbors. its just sad.

i mean are you seriously going to base your decision to stay at home on how you compare with your neighbors? if you can do it financially - how about basing your decision on what's best for your family??

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you can afford to go SAH and still support your current lifestyle, how does it affect you one iota whether your neighbors are making 5x that amount? Explain it to me.

Because, your relative position to those you live near directly affects your happiness. Been studied a lot. We can all pretend it doesn't and that we are above that, but the science doesn't lie.

care to cite the "science"???

Just google. This is a well-studied area.

interesting because I could care less. we are doing fine on our income and could care less what our neighbors earn.

Strange

frankly I think its strange you care so much. there is so much more to life than keeping up with your neighbors. its just sad.

It does matter because you typically want to fit in or else it will either be uncomfortable or awkward. We don't subscribe to being the poorest on the block and struggling.

OMG. I am laughing so hard at this silly ass comment !

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you can afford to go SAH and still support your current lifestyle, how does it affect you one iota whether your neighbors are making 5x that amount? Explain it to me.

Because, your relative position to those you live near directly affects your happiness. Been studied a lot. We can all pretend it doesn't and that we are above that, but the science doesn't lie.

care to cite the "science"???

Just google. This is a well-studied area.

interesting because I could care less. we are doing fine on our income and could care less what our neighbors earn.

Strange