Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am curious. What type of surgery did you have that you feel entitled to have her cancel her plans and stick around to help? Perhaps that is why she left, because she figured thats all she'd have to do all weekend.

I feel sorry for her.

I wonder why you're sorry for her. Is it for her living rent free? Is it for her not paying for food or utilities?
Is it for all the outings we take her with us? Is for the fact that she doesn't pay for tutors because we help her with her English lessons, homework and papers for school?

I cooked in advance and froze the food, paid her to clean the house so the only help I needed was someone to keep an eye on the kids so I could nap or take a shower while DH works. But I guess it's too much to ask for.

Honestly, if you're up and showering, you're probably not feeling all that bad.

She lives with you for FREE in a costly city and you pay her for some cleaning?

Who pays her food? Who pays the extra utilities for a third adult?

Yes, she should be extremely grateful, as should her parents (who seem to be off the hook now for their college child's room and board).

I'd say this is very telling. She should be helping you and thanking you much more. Now it seems clearer she is just using use for free house and maybe more.

And this is why using family for childcare is a bad idea.

Hire a professional nanny. Charge her rent.

It is no clear what you mean by 'help.' If the only help you needed was a little bit of babysitting, and you normally pay for that, why would you expect her to do it for free? Or if she normally babysits for free, could you not ask her to watch the kids for a couple specific hours when you would need help? Don't you normally need to shower, what does your surgery have to do with that? Is she supposed to provide additional services for free just because you are recovering? It seems like you did not spell out your expectations so she had no idea you wanted her to provide any 'help'.

Anonymous wrote:Op, you make yourself sound worse and worse with every post. Since you booked the surgery months ago, couldn't have been an urgent situation. So...nose job? Boob job?

A hysterectomy. But thanks.

Anonymous wrote:Op, you make yourself sound worse and worse with every post. Since you booked the surgery months ago, couldn't have been an urgent situation. So...nose job? Boob job?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am curious. What type of surgery did you have that you feel entitled to have her cancel her plans and stick around to help? Perhaps that is why she left, because she figured thats all she'd have to do all weekend.

I feel sorry for her.

I wonder why you're sorry for her. Is it for her living rent free? Is it for her not paying for food or utilities?
Is it for all the outings we take her with us? Is for the fact that she doesn't pay for tutors because we help her with her English lessons, homework and papers for school?

I cooked in advance and froze the food, paid her to clean the house so the only help I needed was someone to keep an eye on the kids so I could nap or take a shower while DH works. But I guess it's too much to ask for.

It was me who said that, and I feel sorry for the fact she has to put up with someone who sounds controlling and entitled. Sounds possibly like you are not happy with the situation. Where is your husband in all this? It is the weekend, why cant he help you out? How old are your kids? why do you need to have the kids watched while you shower? Shower while they nap, or play quietly. Shower with the bathroom door open. it kills me these moms who seem to need someone to watch the kid while they shower. I never had the luxury nor did i hire anyone to come watch the kids while i showered. Ridiculous. Nap when the kids nap.

Op, you make yourself sound worse and worse with every post. Since you booked the surgery months ago, couldn't have been an urgent situation. So...nose job? Boob job?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We invite her for all fun stuff we do and often pay for her tickets. She doesn't join us for meals because of her school schedule.
She left today and txted me wishing a speedy recovery saying she'd be gone for the weekend.
I'm pretty disappointed.

It also depends on her weekend plans. I wouldn't expect a "distant cousin"/tenant to cancel out of town weekend plans to help you.

+1 this she had plans and she's not there to help anyway. Can your husband help you ?

So she went away for a weekend, when most likely your husband was home to help take care of you? Exactly how many people do you need waiting on you after surgery?

Anonymous wrote:I am curious. What type of surgery did you have that you feel entitled to have her cancel her plans and stick around to help? Perhaps that is why she left, because she figured thats all she'd have to do all weekend.

I feel sorry for her.

I wonder why you're sorry for her. Is it for her living rent free? Is it for her not paying for food or utilities?
Is it for all the outings we take her with us? Is for the fact that she doesn't pay for tutors because we help her with her English lessons, homework and papers for school?

I cooked in advance and froze the food, paid her to clean the house so the only help I needed was someone to keep an eye on the kids so I could nap or take a shower while DH works. But I guess it's too much to ask for.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, it is not weird. She has a life. Unless you're paying her to stick around and help, I think it's unreasonable to expect that she'd cancel her plans.

This. Why do you feel entitled to her help? She has a life. Hire someone

Because she's living here rent free eating for free and is family.

She is not living and eating rent free as you told us she does cleaning for you and just cleaned the house in anticipation of your surgery. You pay her for babysitting. She doesn't have to work for you for free because you had surgery.

Grow up, Princess.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, it is not weird. She has a life. Unless you're paying her to stick around and help, I think it's unreasonable to expect that she'd cancel her plans.

This. Why do you feel entitled to her help? She has a life. Hire someone

Because she's living here rent free eating for free and is family.

But she is providing paid services for you. Sorry but family and business rarely works out for the better. like others have said, she cant read your mind. you should have outright asked her if she could help out. Well before the day came you needed it so there wouldnt have been plans to cancel.

I am curious. What type of surgery did you have that you feel entitled to have her cancel her plans and stick around to help? Perhaps that is why she left, because she figured thats all she'd have to do all weekend.

I feel sorry for her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, it is not weird. She has a life. Unless you're paying her to stick around and help, I think it's unreasonable to expect that she'd cancel her plans.

This. Why do you feel entitled to her help? She has a life. Hire someone

Because she's living here rent free eating for free and is family.