OP, you still haven't mentioned why you get there late

- are you told to be at MIL's at a later time than everyone else?
- are you all chronically late?

I still think your MIL could make more food, but I'm genuinely curious.

What time are you suppose to be there? Are you on time? Do people show up earlier and eat w/out you? If so, why, what's MIL's excuse? Bring extra food for your family, or don't go.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm starting to wonder if OP is at another persons house earlier in the day and eats there. But MIL doesn't want to make everyone wait for them to show up to eat so they eat before hand. mIL likely assumes they eat at the other house.

If this is the case OP, then you can't do both on the same day. Can't make others wait for you to eat because you have other plans that are far away.

OP here. Mils is our only meal of the day - I promise! - and Mil knows this. Why would I lie about that?

Because no one gets why year after year your family is told to come later than everyone else so that they've already eaten. And why year after year, you put up with it. I think most of us would have already said "mil last year you told us to come at 5 but when we got there, everyone had already eaten. What time should we arrive this year? DH and the kids are really looking forward to a holiday meal with everyone".

+1

Stay home.
Boom!
Problem solved!!!

Anonymous wrote:How far are you traveling? I know you mentioned taking food wasn't an option but I think my first choice would be to bring a nice meal for us, share with whomever. Honeybaked ham, a couple of sides and just reheat them when we arrived. Serve my family dinner and anyone who wants to join is welcome. It's bold but so is providing dinner for certain family members and not others. You could be honest and say it was because for the last X years we have arrived to no food and you want your children to enjoy a Christmas dinner or one of DH generous clients gifted this to us and we wanted to share.

Alternatively, I would choose a different time to visit. Either a different day or make reservations at a nice restaurant for dinner and arrive before or after.

What does your DH say? Has he spoken to his mother about this? Does your SIL or anyone else in the family say anything when you arrive to no food? I just can't imagine this.

OP again. Thank you for your kind suggestions - I like these the most. I think I will order a Honeybaked Ham. I didn't know they still had those! We are in the area. The day or two after Christmas, we go to other relatives (who are not opposed to feeding us - LOL!). My family is, shall we say, more warm and welcoming.

DH and his family have some issues. Not least of all, Mil (and I have noticed this with one or two siblings, also) pushes him around and he takes it. He is considering getting therapy, after all these years. He is most definitely afraid of her. I think, since you asked, that I am just too in shock (yes, every time) to think a parent would treat a child this way, never mind their grandchildren. Obviously, she sees them as an extension of him. Let's just say, I have learned a LOT about psychology (normal and not) with his family. The more successful he is, the more she enjoys it. WARPED.

But I digress. I like taking the meal to them - perfect! I probably did not consider this before, because we just did Thanksgiving for his family and a bunch more people, and it was a ton of work. Fun, but exhausting.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm starting to wonder if OP is at another persons house earlier in the day and eats there. But MIL doesn't want to make everyone wait for them to show up to eat so they eat before hand. mIL likely assumes they eat at the other house.

If this is the case OP, then you can't do both on the same day. Can't make others wait for you to eat because you have other plans that are far away.

OP here. Mils is our only meal of the day - I promise! - and Mil knows this. Why would I lie about that?

Because no one gets why year after year your family is told to come later than everyone else so that they've already eaten. And why year after year, you put up with it. I think most of us would have already said "mil last year you told us to come at 5 but when we got there, everyone had already eaten. What time should we arrive this year? DH and the kids are really looking forward to a holiday meal with everyone".

This. If I was told to come at 5, then came at 5, and my MIL had served a bunch of other people ALL the food I was anticipating, I would be livid. You say she's a "bully," but yet you keep putting yourself in the same situation. Is this not the definition of insanity?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm starting to wonder if OP is at another persons house earlier in the day and eats there. But MIL doesn't want to make everyone wait for them to show up to eat so they eat before hand. mIL likely assumes they eat at the other house.

If this is the case OP, then you can't do both on the same day. Can't make others wait for you to eat because you have other plans that are far away.

OP here. Mils is our only meal of the day - I promise! - and Mil knows this. Why would I lie about that?

No one is accusing you of lying. They're asking, repeatedly, why people get there at different times. They're making up their own answers since you're providing none.

^^not going

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm starting to wonder if OP is at another persons house earlier in the day and eats there. But MIL doesn't want to make everyone wait for them to show up to eat so they eat before hand. mIL likely assumes they eat at the other house.

If this is the case OP, then you can't do both on the same day. Can't make others wait for you to eat because you have other plans that are far away.

OP here. Mils is our only meal of the day - I promise! - and Mil knows this. Why would I lie about that?

How far do you travel to get to MIL?
What time do you leave your home?
Could you arrive a couple hours before the stated Christmas Dinner time? (I feel like this is what most families do-you show up and socialize for hours and then eat-rather than timing your arrival for the beginning of the meal).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm starting to wonder if OP is at another persons house earlier in the day and eats there. But MIL doesn't want to make everyone wait for them to show up to eat so they eat before hand. mIL likely assumes they eat at the other house.

If this is the case OP, then you can't do both on the same day. Can't make others wait for you to eat because you have other plans that are far away.

OP here. Mils is our only meal of the day - I promise! - and Mil knows this. Why would I lie about that?

Because no one gets why year after year your family is told to come later than everyone else so that they've already eaten. And why year after year, you put up with it. I think most of us would have already said "mil last year you told us to come at 5 but when we got there, everyone had already eaten. What time should we arrive this year? DH and the kids are really looking forward to a holiday meal with everyone".

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm starting to wonder if OP is at another persons house earlier in the day and eats there. But MIL doesn't want to make everyone wait for them to show up to eat so they eat before hand. mIL likely assumes they eat at the other house.

If this is the case OP, then you can't do both on the same day. Can't make others wait for you to eat because you have other plans that are far away.

OP here. Mils is our only meal of the day - I promise! - and Mil knows this. Why would I lie about that?

No one said you lied. This is just a strange situation, and PPs asked for clarification. So, MIL invites you and other family members at different times? WTF? If that's the case, I wouldn't think twice about going.

When you are 30 minutes away from MIL's house, call on your cell and ask if there is enough food is left for your family. Ask her the menu. If there is nothing that you like, order in chinese for yourself and your kids from the car. Let your mom know that you have ordered food and if she pays before you arrive, pay her back.

It is not difficult.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm starting to wonder if OP is at another persons house earlier in the day and eats there. But MIL doesn't want to make everyone wait for them to show up to eat so they eat before hand. mIL likely assumes they eat at the other house.

If this is the case OP, then you can't do both on the same day. Can't make others wait for you to eat because you have other plans that are far away.

OP here. Mils is our only meal of the day - I promise! - and Mil knows this. Why would I lie about that?

So, fer cryin' out loud, why do you not get there at mealtime? Are you late, or does she eat earlier than she tells you? Your refusal to answer this very simple question leads me to believe there is much more to this story.

Anonymous wrote:I'm starting to wonder if OP is at another persons house earlier in the day and eats there. But MIL doesn't want to make everyone wait for them to show up to eat so they eat before hand. mIL likely assumes they eat at the other house.

If this is the case OP, then you can't do both on the same day. Can't make others wait for you to eat because you have other plans that are far away.

OP here. Mils is our only meal of the day - I promise! - and Mil knows this. Why would I lie about that?

Anonymous wrote:OP -- honestly, I think the problem is you, not your MIL. You're arriving there after everyone else has eaten, and you keep doing it. If you were sane, you either would arrive on time or not go at all. I'm on your MIL's side on this one.

You sound evil.