Anonymous
12/10/2018 15:33
Subject: How do I soften the tone of my voice
Give me an f'*@*g break! No one would ever say this to a man. Tell them you don't want to grow a penis or cut off your V
Anonymous
12/10/2018 03:39
Subject: How do I soften the tone of my voice
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry, I think that's stupid and rooted in misogyny. I just do. I have no advice for you but I would honestly just ignore it. Some feedback isn't worth considering especially if you stop and think, would they say that same thing to a man, probably not.
+1
+1
OP, when I had a review once someone brought up my facial expression. Like my RBF. If I'm not smiling every second, some insecure coworker will feel offended.
Anonymous
12/10/2018 02:06
Subject: How do I soften the tone of my voice
I agree that it's probably misogyny. But it's worth observing yourself carefully for the next few weeks.
Many people are polite with their words but harsh with their tone of voice when they're not dealing with their "negative" feelings (ex. frustration, irritation, boredom, stress, fear, anger etc.)
A lot of us think we can ignore or "manage" our feelings about our co-workers enough that those feelings don't come out in our communications. But often they leak through -- not in words but in tone.
So just check in with yourself about what you're FEELING, not just what you're saying. If you have any negative feelings about your work or colleagues, make sure you deal with that more consciously and possibly more directly.
Of course, if it's just misogyny, f*ck them. LOL.
Many people are polite with their words but harsh with their tone of voice when they're not dealing with their "negative" feelings (ex. frustration, irritation, boredom, stress, fear, anger etc.)
A lot of us think we can ignore or "manage" our feelings about our co-workers enough that those feelings don't come out in our communications. But often they leak through -- not in words but in tone.
So just check in with yourself about what you're FEELING, not just what you're saying. If you have any negative feelings about your work or colleagues, make sure you deal with that more consciously and possibly more directly.
Of course, if it's just misogyny, f*ck them. LOL.
Anonymous
12/09/2018 08:12
Subject: How do I soften the tone of my voice
OP, I think that tone can mean two different (but related) things.
Sometimes tone means the feeling/personality behind what you are saying. Like when people say “It’s not what you said, it’s how you said it”. If you’re delivering bad news but you said it too harsh, versus delivering bad news but with optimism or a pleasant touch, that’s as difference of tone.
Sometimes tone is literally the sound of your voice. So saying things with a slower, calmer, or higher voice.. versus speaking quickly and more direct (which can come off abrupt).
Although... now that I’m typing it out, they’re kind of the same thing. I’m having a hard time trying to put it into words! Ha!
Sometimes tone means the feeling/personality behind what you are saying. Like when people say “It’s not what you said, it’s how you said it”. If you’re delivering bad news but you said it too harsh, versus delivering bad news but with optimism or a pleasant touch, that’s as difference of tone.
Sometimes tone is literally the sound of your voice. So saying things with a slower, calmer, or higher voice.. versus speaking quickly and more direct (which can come off abrupt).
Although... now that I’m typing it out, they’re kind of the same thing. I’m having a hard time trying to put it into words! Ha!
Anonymous
12/08/2018 20:49
Subject: How do I soften the tone of my voice
Anonymous wrote:I have to say tho', that vocal fry really is annoying, almost as much as misogyny.
Vocal fry is one place where men really do have an advantage. Male actors use vocal fry to their advantage. Charles Dance, who plays Tywin Lannister on Game of Thrones, has a voice that sounds like it is being fried on a cast iron skillet, but it sounds cool because deep voice sound good when they are fried. High pitched voices can sound childish when fried.