Anonymous
Post 12/13/2014 10:06     Subject: boss doesn't want me at management retreat
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the responses. These are the sorts of things I've been thinking.

I approached another senior woman in the company (very gingerly) about the retreat and she revealed that she was quite upset to hear that I had not been included. Turns out that the head of our company (my boss' boss) expected me to be at the retreat, but that it was my boss who insisted that I didn't need to be there. She thought it was underhanded…and now that I know about it, so do I.

I've been at this job less than one year. Isn't it too early to look around? Boy does this make me mad! I'm objectively doing a great job…but this feels like a no-win-situation.


You need to look for a new job. Something like this happened to my dh and he tried ot make the best of it, but he was axed a few months later. He was doing a great job, but his boss had someone else in mind to fill his position. It's just sucky.
Anonymous
Post 12/12/2014 21:05     Subject: boss doesn't want me at management retreat
New poster here. I have a somewhat similar situation to OP but I am a fed. Would the advice be the same, to just get out of dodge?
Anonymous
Post 12/12/2014 20:48     Subject: boss doesn't want me at management retreat
Anonymous wrote:OP back again. Got some feedback from attendees of the retreat. It was an issue that I wasn't there. Other executives (who didn't know in advance that I hadn't been included) were surprised and a few discussed it openly. Luckily one mentor-type, older woman executive made a point to say that I had been eager to join but that it was my boss who decided I shouldn't be there.
Apparently it looked bad for my boss. Interestingly, when I had a call with my boss today, he bent over backward to compliment me on the big deal I just closed (yes, during the time of the retread). He's on the hot seat now. I'm kicking myself that I chose to "rise above" my feelings about the retreat and just update him on the week's successful deals, etc. Now, knowing that he looked bad about this issue, I wish I had raised it and made a bigger deal.
Still, feeling a bit vindicated.


Revenge (so to speak) is a dish best served cold.

It was better (more strategic) IMO to not pin him down on it now. He knows it was an issue and you know. He doesn't need to know that you know, and you can determine whether and when is a better time to bring it up, or you may not have to as things play out, unless he goes back to a less enlightened mode of management.

I was a manager for 24 yrs. and I worked for my managers and learned how to manage them. Sometimes the things that I DIDN"T bring up right away got me as much or more than they would have if I made an issue of it pronto. You'll have to judge when, whether, and how to proceed on that front.

Remember, your goal isn't to get him in a pickle, it's to solidify your own situation.
Anonymous
Post 12/12/2014 19:54     Subject: boss doesn't want me at management retreat
OP back again. Got some feedback from attendees of the retreat. It was an issue that I wasn't there. Other executives (who didn't know in advance that I hadn't been included) were surprised and a few discussed it openly. Luckily one mentor-type, older woman executive made a point to say that I had been eager to join but that it was my boss who decided I shouldn't be there.
Apparently it looked bad for my boss. Interestingly, when I had a call with my boss today, he bent over backward to compliment me on the big deal I just closed (yes, during the time of the retread). He's on the hot seat now. I'm kicking myself that I chose to "rise above" my feelings about the retreat and just update him on the week's successful deals, etc. Now, knowing that he looked bad about this issue, I wish I had raised it and made a bigger deal.
Still, feeling a bit vindicated.
Anonymous
Post 12/12/2014 19:16     Subject: boss doesn't want me at management retreat
PP, that poster is probably the bully who ran you off.
Anonymous
Post 12/12/2014 14:08     Subject: Re:boss doesn't want me at management retreat
Yup. I ran into this in big-law. I was a lateral brought in right before making partner. A junior partner right above me spent the entire time I was there (4 months) trying to drum me out.

I sniffed what was happening and immediately landed an in-house job. It was incredibly stressful, but I am all the better for it.

The firm was annoyed about my decision, but truthfully, it was painfully obvious why I left. They just wouldn't deal with that partner so it signaled that they weren't invested in my career.


So, basically the junior partner got you booted? Not sure this is the shining example OP needs.


That's me. I ended up in a massively better position in house. I currently manage outside counsel (I used to manage that old firm but cut ties). I am doing really well, have a great work life balance and when I think of that terrible woman, I feel pity. Because people will try to bring you down, but you can't let them OP.

The firm was annoyed with my decision to leave, but shut up when it was announced I was going in house. I pretty much pretend the entire experience never happened.
Anonymous
Post 12/12/2014 13:45     Subject: boss doesn't want me at management retreat
Anonymous wrote:Yup. I ran into this in big-law. I was a lateral brought in right before making partner. A junior partner right above me spent the entire time I was there (4 months) trying to drum me out.

I sniffed what was happening and immediately landed an in-house job. It was incredibly stressful, but I am all the better for it.

The firm was annoyed about my decision, but truthfully, it was painfully obvious why I left. They just wouldn't deal with that partner so it signaled that they weren't invested in my career.


So, basically the junior partner got you booted? Not sure this is the shining example OP needs.
Anonymous
Post 12/12/2014 13:11     Subject: Re:boss doesn't want me at management retreat
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Am I the only one who would hate to go to a management retreat? They usually are not fun. Hours of meeting about strategic plans...


I am with you. Hard enough smiling for 10 hours a day, let alone a full weekend drinking the kool aid.


Agree 100%. But the retreat is just the symptom of the larger problem. She's being excluded from an event all of her peers are invited to and that her boss is actively orchestrating her exclusion. The retreat isn't the issue--it's her job satisfaction and security.


agreed - what bothers me is that other leadership (the person that OP talked to) were expecting to see OP at the retreat, and apparently were given a story by boss. Not attending, and having people make assumptions and/or be told a lie as to the reasons why, could have implications for OP down the road.

Please, the boss picks who goes to the retreat. Its for management. She is no consider management by the boss. Why would he lie and why would other care? The other bosses are much too busy with their own crap to worry about someone else problem child.
Anonymous
Post 12/12/2014 12:07     Subject: boss doesn't want me at management retreat
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one who would hate to go to a management retreat? They usually are not fun. Hours of meeting about strategic plans...


I am with you. Hard enough smiling for 10 hours a day, let alone a full weekend drinking the kool aid.


Agree 100%. But the retreat is just the symptom of the larger problem. She's being excluded from an event all of her peers are invited to and that her boss is actively orchestrating her exclusion. The retreat isn't the issue--it's her job satisfaction and security.


agreed - what bothers me is that other leadership (the person that OP talked to) were expecting to see OP at the retreat, and apparently were given a story by boss. Not attending, and having people make assumptions and/or be told a lie as to the reasons why, could have implications for OP down the road.
Anonymous
Post 12/11/2014 20:04     Subject: boss doesn't want me at management retreat
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one who would hate to go to a management retreat? They usually are not fun. Hours of meeting about strategic plans...


I am with you. Hard enough smiling for 10 hours a day, let alone a full weekend drinking the kool aid.


Agree 100%. But the retreat is just the symptom of the larger problem. She's being excluded from an event all of her peers are invited to and that her boss is actively orchestrating her exclusion. The retreat isn't the issue--it's her job satisfaction and security.
Anonymous
Post 12/11/2014 19:58     Subject: boss doesn't want me at management retreat
Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one who would hate to go to a management retreat? They usually are not fun. Hours of meeting about strategic plans...


I am with you. Hard enough smiling for 10 hours a day, let alone a full weekend drinking the kool aid.
Anonymous
Post 12/11/2014 07:58     Subject: boss doesn't want me at management retreat
OP, any chance your boss didn't include you because you haven't been at the job that long? Maybe he wants to see that you're in long-term?
Anonymous
Post 12/11/2014 07:53     Subject: boss doesn't want me at management retreat
Am I the only one who would hate to go to a management retreat? They usually are not fun. Hours of meeting about strategic plans...
Anonymous
Post 12/10/2014 20:27     Subject: boss doesn't want me at management retreat
OP, before you jump ship, how likely is it that your boss will leave? What do others in the company think of him/her?

Twice I have run into this very same issue and both times the boss has ended up leaving/being terminated.
Anonymous
Post 12/10/2014 18:44     Subject: boss doesn't want me at management retreat
Tell your boss that you are going. Demand to go
Ask him the real reason he doesn't want you there. Just call him out. Office bullies need that. And if you are a women this looks like serious discrimination. Take notes at all boss conversations.