Anonymous
Post 12/08/2014 22:52     Subject: Re:Don't know who I'm madder at, DH or In-laws
Wow. Your in-laws sound like total losers. Clueless as well.
Anonymous
Post 12/08/2014 22:47     Subject: Don't know who I'm madder at, DH or In-laws
Anonymous wrote:So my in-laws agreed to watch my kids overnight. My son is almost five and told me that a "big kid" came over and watched them on Friday night while the inlaws went out. The big kid turned out to be a teenager from next door. So, my in-laws agreed to watch my kids and then hired a babysitter and went out. So mad!!!! But then, it turns out my DH knew about it and thought it was fine and didn't bother to tell me. I have never left my kids alone with a teenage babysitter and I don't know this teenager. Now I feel like I can't ever leave my kids alone with my in-laws. Also, what kind of grandparent does that????? I've also lost trust in my DH's judgment.


OP, it sucks that you didn't know that your kids would be watched by someone you don't know. I'd be more pissed at my DH though. When did he know? Was it in advance of his dropping them off? If you don't trust your ILs don't leave your kids with them. On the other hand, have they baby sat for you guys before? If so, you should at least appreciate the times they watched your kids.
Anonymous
Post 12/08/2014 21:16     Subject: Don't know who I'm madder at, DH or In-laws
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I would immediately write an email to the ILs and CC hubby: I understand that you also went out the night you took our children in to babysit them. I further understand that you hired a sitter. Next time please inform me of such changes or if there is a change of plans. I'm glad everything worked out fine but this sort of thing should not be a surprise I hear from my kindergartner. Thanks, see you soon!


If you are that upset I would call or speak to them in person about it. Emailing in this situation seems passive aggressive IMO.


+1000. Do not email when you are angry. You will regret it. Talk to your husband in the privacy of your home.
Anonymous
Post 12/08/2014 20:23     Subject: Don't know who I'm madder at, DH or In-laws
Anonymous wrote:I would immediately write an email to the ILs and CC hubby: I understand that you also went out the night you took our children in to babysit them. I further understand that you hired a sitter. Next time please inform me of such changes or if there is a change of plans. I'm glad everything worked out fine but this sort of thing should not be a surprise I hear from my kindergartner. Thanks, see you soon!


If you are that upset I would call or speak to them in person about it. Emailing in this situation seems passive aggressive IMO.
Anonymous
Post 12/08/2014 20:23     Subject: Don't know who I'm madder at, DH or In-laws
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:So, if they hadn't asked your husband, but asked you instead, then it would have been alright? Cause you're the boss? So, they're your kids and he is what? And the grandparents are just dumb irresponsible people who managed to raise someone you considered fine enough to marry. All of these people are just so intolerable because they didn't kiss your ......


Who on earth agrees to watch your kids (PLURAL) and then goes behind your back and hires a random to watch your kids?
Why wouldn't you tell the mother this change of plans? Trying not to have her worry? Not cancel her plans because she suddenly has unknown childcare?


They told the kids dad and he agreed. Is there an rule that it's always the MOM whose permission you have to ask?


One would assume the spouse would fill in the other spouse, no?
Funny how that did not happen, at any point in time.


Yes, sounds like there are major issues in communication in their marriage. Wonder why he didn't tell his wife?
Anonymous
Post 12/08/2014 20:18     Subject: Don't know who I'm madder at, DH or In-laws
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:So, if they hadn't asked your husband, but asked you instead, then it would have been alright? Cause you're the boss? So, they're your kids and he is what? And the grandparents are just dumb irresponsible people who managed to raise someone you considered fine enough to marry. All of these people are just so intolerable because they didn't kiss your ......


Who on earth agrees to watch your kids (PLURAL) and then goes behind your back and hires a random to watch your kids?
Why wouldn't you tell the mother this change of plans? Trying not to have her worry? Not cancel her plans because she suddenly has unknown childcare?


They told the kids dad and he agreed. Is there an rule that it's always the MOM whose permission you have to ask?


One would assume the spouse would fill in the other spouse, no?
Funny how that did not happen, at any point in time.
Anonymous
Post 12/08/2014 20:17     Subject: Don't know who I'm madder at, DH or In-laws
I would immediately write an email to the ILs and CC hubby: I understand that you also went out the night you took our children in to babysit them. I further understand that you hired a sitter. Next time please inform me of such changes or if there is a change of plans. I'm glad everything worked out fine but this sort of thing should not be a surprise I hear from my kindergartner. Thanks, see you soon!
Anonymous
Post 12/08/2014 20:13     Subject: Don't know who I'm madder at, DH or In-laws
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:So, if they hadn't asked your husband, but asked you instead, then it would have been alright? Cause you're the boss? So, they're your kids and he is what? And the grandparents are just dumb irresponsible people who managed to raise someone you considered fine enough to marry. All of these people are just so intolerable because they didn't kiss your ......


Who on earth agrees to watch your kids (PLURAL) and then goes behind your back and hires a random to watch your kids?
Why wouldn't you tell the mother this change of plans? Trying not to have her worry? Not cancel her plans because she suddenly has unknown childcare?


They told the kids dad and he agreed. Is there an rule that it's always the MOM whose permission you have to ask?
Anonymous
Post 12/08/2014 20:13     Subject: Don't know who I'm madder at, DH or In-laws
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:So, if they hadn't asked your husband, but asked you instead, then it would have been alright? Cause you're the boss? So, they're your kids and he is what? And the grandparents are just dumb irresponsible people who managed to raise someone you considered fine enough to marry. All of these people are just so intolerable because they didn't kiss your ......


+1000. Exactly. OP needs to relax. Her kids survived the unvetted teen sitter.


Wait, did OP say she would have agreed if she had been asked?

I would never ever say ok to a teen neighbor (when it's not even my neighborhood) that I have never met or even spoken to watch my children. Ever. When the oldest is 5? No way.
Anonymous
Post 12/08/2014 20:10     Subject: Don't know who I'm madder at, DH or In-laws
why did the husband and the grandparents hide the fact that a neighborhood sitter would be watching the children?
why? that's unacceptable. Open communication is needed, and frankly, required.
Anonymous
Post 12/08/2014 20:08     Subject: Don't know who I'm madder at, DH or In-laws
Anonymous wrote:So, if they hadn't asked your husband, but asked you instead, then it would have been alright? Cause you're the boss? So, they're your kids and he is what? And the grandparents are just dumb irresponsible people who managed to raise someone you considered fine enough to marry. All of these people are just so intolerable because they didn't kiss your ......


Who on earth agrees to watch your kids (PLURAL) and then goes behind your back and hires a random to watch your kids?
Why wouldn't you tell the mother this change of plans? Trying not to have her worry? Not cancel her plans because she suddenly has unknown childcare?
Anonymous
Post 12/08/2014 20:07     Subject: Don't know who I'm madder at, DH or In-laws
Anonymous wrote:So, if they hadn't asked your husband, but asked you instead, then it would have been alright? Cause you're the boss? So, they're your kids and he is what? And the grandparents are just dumb irresponsible people who managed to raise someone you considered fine enough to marry. All of these people are just so intolerable because they didn't kiss your ......


+1000. Exactly. OP needs to relax. Her kids survived the unvetted teen sitter.
Anonymous
Post 12/08/2014 20:06     Subject: Don't know who I'm madder at, DH or In-laws
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'd discuss it with DH. If in law okayed it with him,they aren't at fault.


Agree. He didn't tell you because he knew that you'd freak out and probably cancel whatever plans you two had. I'd be really upset too.


This. DH and the ILs know they are in the wrong. The older child, the 5 yo, had to fill you in on what really happened!

Yuck. DH needs to explain WTF happened and how it happened. Then agree it won't be going down like that ever again.

That would be the mature, adult thing to do. Both sets of people let you down and tried to hide a poor decision.
Anonymous
Post 12/08/2014 19:56     Subject: Don't know who I'm madder at, DH or In-laws
So, if they hadn't asked your husband, but asked you instead, then it would have been alright? Cause you're the boss? So, they're your kids and he is what? And the grandparents are just dumb irresponsible people who managed to raise someone you considered fine enough to marry. All of these people are just so intolerable because they didn't kiss your ......
Anonymous
Post 12/08/2014 19:38     Subject: Don't know who I'm madder at, DH or In-laws
Anonymous wrote:I'd discuss it with DH. If in law okayed it with him,they aren't at fault.


Agree. He didn't tell you because he knew that you'd freak out and probably cancel whatever plans you two had. I'd be really upset too.