"Back" again "so" soon, OP? "Surely," you have better "things" to do "with" your time.

Anonymous wrote:Check on The Knot for a wedding website and other common stores where people have wedding registries : Target, Bed Bath and Beyond, Crate and Barrell etc for their names. Google his name and her name + registry or wedding registry. He may not be willing to tell you the truth, but that doesn't mean you can't find out on your own.

Or the wedding channel.com. Another website that pools wedding registries.

My BFF was dating this great guy she met on match.com, for like 9 months, they even vacationed together, but he lived like an hour away do he always came to her town, he said for business. Well he turned out not to be so great, because after lying to her that he wasn't on fb (and I will never understand why she never thought to look for him when they first started dating), she saw picture of him on a restaurants fb page and saw a comment that read "my fiancé is so handsome"), she does some fb digging, the guy was not only married but engaged to another persona at he same time! She asked me what do I do? I reached through the phone, slapped her, threw cold water on her face and yelled at her "run, and never look back."

I am writing this with 100% sincerity, so don't get all defensive because this may not be what you want to here.

You are in some ways delusional. And I think every person has found themselves in a situation in their lifetime where they were too. You've convinced yourself that you are so important to this guy that you are justifying his insane behavior, "but he calls me all the time. He says I am so important to him. He isn't happy with his current partner, he need to talk to me about her and everything else....."

Go back and read, out loud even, all the things you've posted, and change the facts to if this was a friend who was a girl. Would you remain available and a friend to a female friend who called you all the time, that treated you badly like your break up situation, that lied to you over and over again making you look like such a fool. Because you say his ex is just a friend, so why would you be friends with someone like that?

I think everyone knows a guy like this, whether he was your own ex or an ex of a friend. They all have the same MO. He doesn't love you, he doesn't, and he doesn't even respect you, as a person much less a friend. He cheated on you and lied when you were together, he started dating the OW, he strung you along with all these daily phone calls, probably keeping you from dating anyone else (are you single now), he is lying to you about being engaged, etc. poor you and poor her. My friend who is like this, cheated on all his ladies and then found a great woman, they got engaged 2 months after dating. She was suspicious, but said yes and insisted on a year long engagement. They get married, quickly pop out Irish twins. Then two years after that (not even four years married) he wants a divorce. She finds put he's been having tons of affairs, with exes and random people, been going to bars without his wedding ring and going home with people. And he gave her an STD. And one year after the divorce, he's already remarried!

You are young, you have so much time to meet someone else. Walk away, cut ties, all of them. He is a liar isn't healthy for,you. I wish you the best.

Check on The Knot for a wedding website and other common stores where people have wedding registries : Target, Bed Bath and Beyond, Crate and Barrell etc for their names. Google his name and her name + registry or wedding registry. He may not be willing to tell you the truth, but that doesn't mean you can't find out on your own.

There is a reason why he's only talking to you on his commute. He doesn't want his fiancé to know. He is lying to her.

He is still talking to you bc he likes the attention. It makes him feel good to know he could still have you back. You need to move on.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Isn't it past your bedtime, dear?

OP here: I'm 26 so not too sure where you are going with that.

NP here: You sound really young. And immature. Move on.

OP here: Again, I'm 26 but thank you!

An immature 26 y. o.

Anonymous wrote:You are so focused on why he is lying but it's almost irrelevant, because there is no true justification for it that would make his behavior even remotely acceptable. He cheated on you after six years, pursued a relationship with one one else and cheated on her with you (yes, talking three times a day and asking for pics is an affair). He is lying tooth of you because he is not a true friend or partner and puts his own needs and well being above both of yours.

If he's with her but calling you several times a day and asking you for pics, are you REALLY surprised that he's lying to you in this way? He has already shown you just who he is again and again but you are having a very hard time looking at the situation objectively, but we are in the outside looking in and see it plain as day, which may be why we are wringing our hands a bit.

He must be really, really good at creating a false intimacy with you but it's not based on true live or respect or trust.
If he were your true friend he would be out for your best interest, but he wants you both and will do whatever it takes to keep you both, no matter how much it might hurt you. Can you not see that the easy answer to your question is that he is lying to you because he is a liar, a cheat and a selfish, uncaring a-hole?

Ask yourself what you REALLY want out of this relationship, and what you've been getting out of it that's so hard to giv up. Ask yourself why you're surprised by any of this. Stop focusing on HIM and figure out what's going on in your own head and heart -- that will be the first step in extricating yourself from this toxic relationship (and that is exactly what it is, even if you can't see it).

Aargh, sorry for all the typos, hope you still get the gist.

Btw, your ex isn't the cop, is he? I've been in here a long time and your guy rings a bell.

You are so focused on why he is lying but it's almost irrelevant, because there is no true justification for it that would make his behavior even remotely acceptable. He cheated on you after six years, pursued a relationship with one one else and cheated on her with you (yes, talking three times a day and asking for pics is an affair). He is lying tooth of you because he is not a true friend or partner and puts his own needs and well being above both of yours.

If he's with her but calling you several times a day and asking you for pics, are you REALLY surprised that he's lying to you in this way? He has already shown you just who he is again and again but you are having a very hard time looking at the situation objectively, but we are in the outside looking in and see it plain as day, which may be why we are wringing our hands a bit.

He must be really, really good at creating a false intimacy with you but it's not based on true live or respect or trust.
If he were your true friend he would be out for your best interest, but he wants you both and will do whatever it takes to keep you both, no matter how much it might hurt you. Can you not see that the easy answer to your question is that he is lying to you because he is a liar, a cheat and a selfish, uncaring a-hole?

Ask yourself what you REALLY want out of this relationship, and what you've been getting out of it that's so hard to giv up. Ask yourself why you're surprised by any of this. Stop focusing on HIM and figure out what's going on in your own head and heart -- that will be the first step in extricating yourself from this toxic relationship (and that is exactly what it is, even if you can't see it).

You need to end this relationship. It sounds to me like you and the ex are having an emotional affair.

Oh OP, my heart goes out to you. My exbf was still calling my and denying that he was involved until i found his marriage announcement in the paper (and actually he still denied it then, but it gave me courage to cut off contact)
I mean this with all compassion, your "friendship " with him is unhealthy for you. He is keeping you as a backup and to stroke his own ego. Im so sorry

You need to end things with him, OP. And by 'things' yes I mean even the friendship. I won't take the 'preachy, how old are you' stance that some other posters have, but in a way, I get where they are coming from, too. As someone with ~10 more years life/relationship experience than you, I can promise you that the general sentiment we're all typing here is exactly what you would type out on the same forum, in response to the same question, 10 years from now.

This person has been the significant relationship in your life. That's why it's hard to let go of. That's OK - it means that you're loyal, develop deep attachments. It means you're emotionally normal.

That said, the situation has gone far beyond what's healthy. Think about how you'd feel if it was you BF (new fiance) asking some ex for pictures, etc., regardless of their history. You'd feel crappy, and question marrying him. She should, too. Not because you and he are meant to be, but because he's not ready (due to either immaturity, or just a lack of moral character) to be a husband. Don't kid yourself thinking he's only like this because he's with her, and if he was with you, he'd be different. He chose to be with her, and he chooses this behaviour. If he was really unsure about her, they could break up, or just not get engaged.

In a nutshell: He's shown you who he is. At the very least, it's someone immature. At the most, it's someone with poor morals/character. Don't feel bad because he's marrying someone else - in these circumstances, it's hardly going to be a marriage full of love and promise. They'll likely be divorced in 3-5 years, if they even get to the ceremony. Just end this cycle now so that you can move on to a type of person you haven't met yet - one who sorts their affairs before moving on, doesn't lie, etc. I promise you, they're out there.

He is a sociopath. Or narcissistic. My brother treats his ex wife the same way. Has for 10 years. He goes over and seems comfort from her when he's fighting with his current girlfriend. It's a sick, fucked up dynamic. Stay as far away as you can. He's using you for his own needs and doesn't care about yours at all. Please trust me on this.

You can compete with the other woman if you work on increasing the size of your thigh gap, or creating one if one is not present.

OP, I think some of the vitriol that's being thrown your way is coming from a place of severe frustration. Honestly, as I read through your posts my brain is screaming "agggghhhhh! Stop! Stop letting him do that to you! Oh. My. God." It's truly not because I wish ill will upon you or want to be a bitch. It's just that you are such a complete and total doormat for this guy it makes me want to shake you.

You are better than that. Stop letting this man treat you this way. You are offering him all the emotional support and ego stroking he requires while getting absolutely nothing in return. He's marrying someone else but keeping you around by occasionally giving you little slivers of hope that you may get back together. He is manipulating you, and you are eating it up. Have some respect for yourself and end your "friendship" with this guy. Please. For all of woman kind, please.

Something isn't right in Denmark. If I were you, I'd find out once and all who was telling the truth before making a decision. Either the x or other gf is crazy. One of them is a sociopath. If it's the x, I'd drop him like a hot potato.
Make contact with his sister or someone you could actually trust. Either the x or gf or both could be a sociopath.


If it's your x, run as fast as you can. Don't degrade yourself with a friendship like that.