Anonymous wrote:Parent of two boys, the second of whom surely has older-brother syndrome: I'd email the teacher, let her know there's inappropriate talk at lunch. I think you have to share the details so that she's aware it's more explicit than the norm. (I think it is.) Both my kids' classes have gone thru phases where lunch seating was assigned, mostly because kids weren't behaving right. So the teacher has an easy remedy.

I wouldn't go to the principal on this. It's really not appropriate or necessary. I can't imagine how inefficient a school would be if the principal keeps getting dragged in by parents every time a 3rd grade boy says the word penis.

The principal at my kids school instituted a policy that teachers copy her on ALL email communications. Yes. All. One of my kids teacher does it. The other teacher does not.

This level of helicopter schooling is absurd. And this is a public elementary school with 1200 or so kids. I wonder how full her mailbox is.

Anonymous wrote:If OP checks back in, I think it might be my kid you're talking about. We found out that my son was saying things like this at lunch. Turns out he had done a web search for naked women on our computer that we (stupidly, naively) had not turned safe search on. He went straight to 'images' and boy did he get an eyeful. We found out from the teacher that at least one classmate told his parents who then contacted the teacher and we are devastated. I know that boys will be exposed to this stuff sooner or later, but 8-9 years old is definitely too soon for what my son saw and then talked about at lunch. I am so sorry that your son heard this. I'm grateful that he came to you though. You're obviously doing a much better job at parenting than me. Just know that we are sick over this. Beyond ashamed. I'm sorry.

Sorry you had to go through this, PP, but don't beat yourself up about it. Just learn from it. Best wishes. No one is a perfect parent.

Anonymous wrote:I would email the teacher and tell her/him that there is inappropriate sex talk at the lunch table where your child sits for several days now, that it is graphic sex talk, and you would like more monitoring of the table or a new placement of some of the boys.

+1

And encourage your son to sit elsewhere, if it's his choice.

I don't think the principal needs to be notified for this.

If OP checks back in, I think it might be my kid you're talking about. We found out that my son was saying things like this at lunch. Turns out he had done a web search for naked women on our computer that we (stupidly, naively) had not turned safe search on. He went straight to 'images' and boy did he get an eyeful. We found out from the teacher that at least one classmate told his parents who then contacted the teacher and we are devastated. I know that boys will be exposed to this stuff sooner or later, but 8-9 years old is definitely too soon for what my son saw and then talked about at lunch. I am so sorry that your son heard this. I'm grateful that he came to you though. You're obviously doing a much better job at parenting than me. Just know that we are sick over this. Beyond ashamed. I'm sorry.

I have not read through the entire thread but I think much of the advice seems sound. Something like this deserves an FYI message to a teacher not the Principal, and then gauge the teacher's reaction. I will say that around this time is when kids differentiate themselves in a lot of ways, including athletes, and parents need to be careful not to shape other kids' behavior to suit their own. Sometimes the best response is for a kid to choose different kids to hang out with, different activities, and to acknowledge that as they get older, not everyone will be everyone's friend, and that is ok.

In my 3rd graders class there is inappropriate language right now. I think it is that time of year.

I spoke to the teacher in a general manner during parent teacher conferences to understand how the classrooms are planning on handling it. They said - it happens every year - sometimes earlier in the year, sometimes a little later.

I liked the strategy I heard from the teacher - but it is also a reminder that your 8YO is not a little kid anymore and you need to prepare to have grown up conversations.

Anonymous wrote:Yes, you are overreacting.

The principal is your "pal".

Lol.

Anonymous wrote:OMG, just let it go. Kids say stuff. If your DS is upset by it, he needs to walk away. Thats a good lesson to learn. If you go running to the teacher over something like this -- and the principal is even worse -- you will be an over protective PITA.

NP: No, you PP are UNDERreacting. The kid is only 9 or 10. Even though OP is more concerned about the inappropriateness of the talk and its effect on her son (which is a legit concern), I read what she said her son is hearing and I'm concerned about what that boy is being exposed to and why a 9 yr old has these graphic images in his mind.

Yes, exploring oneself sexually has often already started by this age, but talking about it a lot and having specific graphic images of sex acts with another person are huge red flags for inappropriate sexual exposure or contact for a child his age.

OP is absolutely right to notify the teacher and the Principal, since some of the kids who are listening to this kid may not all be in the same class. But more than anything, the teacher and Principal should be on the look out for any further signs if age-INappropriate sexual discussion or stories.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think I'd email the teacher and copy the principal.

+1

+2

the boy who made the comments might need help.

This was an issue in our third grade, basically the kid and found the dad's porn videos. It might be worth mentioning to the teacher because the parents may be clueless,

School counselors sometimes come in and talk to the class about behavioral expectations. i would email teacher and cc principal so they can figure out how to help the kids tone it down. Sometimes it's one kid (prob with older sibling) driving this kind of talk and it can make many kids uncomfortable. My DC got tired of two kids making constant 69 jokes in a class in middle school. I didn't say anything to the school obviously but third grade is different and you are not a heliparent for asking the school to nip it. Those kids are waiting for a limit to be set.