Anonymous
Post 11/05/2014 22:04     Subject: Re:If you don't like your DIL
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'm having trouble getting over the fact that stbdil turned DS into a cat owner. Oh, the horror. And she had a boob job at age 18. Just not what I envisioned. Those reservations aside, I see she makes DS very happy. For that, I'm thankful.


Brace yourself Lady: she'll need another boob job. Implants need to be refreshed on the regular.


I think that might be part of what makes her DS "very happy."
Anonymous
Post 11/05/2014 21:37     Subject: If you don't like your DIL
We also know she doesn't have her own money because she came from a divorced family where her dad was absent most of her life, she didn't work in a high-paying job when she worked, and her mother is living in a tiny apartment with her stepfather.
Anonymous
Post 11/05/2014 21:29     Subject: Re:If you don't like your DIL
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I love mine because she gave me two amazing, wonderful, loving grandchildren. And she is a good mother to them. She however isn't the woman (and hence the life) I had envisioned for my son. I look past a lot because its none of my business but one thing that really gets me is how she puts so much financial pressure on my son. They have more than enough money but to her they always need a little more. I feel like she chases after some different vain goal every 5 years and than once its attained its on to the next.


How do you know about the financial pressure and the vain goals? Do they really discuss these things with you?


NP here. My DH has a colleague with this problem. They married in their early thirties and it has been non-stop financial pressure from her since then. She had one child and wanted another so she went through several rounds of IVF. Once they stopped, she got pregnant. She then insisted they renovate their 2 bedroom to a 3 bedroom with a third bath and use an interior decorator. Once it was finished, she wanted a new, large home in a more prestigious area., guilting him that the kids needed more room while they were young. Then she had a boob job because having kids made them droopy, in addition to her usual botox. The kids are attending private kinder and elementary at $25K+ each. She didn't like driving the minivan they bought two years earlier and now has a BMW SUV. She bought him an expensive watch early so he would be sure to gift her an expensive piece of jewelry on time. The guy has frequent migraines, has asked for two raises in a year and looks constantly stressed.



How do you supposedly know all of this? Are you sure this isn't made up by someone watching their backs, in case the wife asks for a divorce down the road? It's not unheard of! How do you know she doesn't have money of her own, possibly left to her (which would not be his, because it would have been an inheritance - he might be angry about this).

I have a coworker who complains about money all the time. He doesn't earn enough for himself, but he tries to blame his wife - who has all sorts of qualifications. Of course, he could have married the materialistic asian mani/pedi secretary - to be worse off. Wouldn't that be a trip? Except it would never happen.

Some men go off at the mouth for attention. You can't believe everything you hear. I had a boss whose business partner would nag him until he bad mouthed his wife. The business partner was so jealous and had no idea how to land a girlfriend (never mind a wife). Finally, someone married the business partner for his money, and he backed off.

Some people are bullies and need a target. They don't like to see other people happy!

MIL's are NOT immune from this.


We know about it because the husband talks about it at work constantly and the wife talks about it at parties. They also live nearby so we have seen all the big purchases, including the boob job. They are not private people. The wife has also not worked since the first child was born 8 years ago.
Anonymous
Post 11/05/2014 21:18     Subject: If you don't like your DIL
Anonymous wrote:My MIL prefers her daughter who is helpless. She loves being a martyr and swooping in to save the day. She really really resents that DH and I don't need her help with money, childcare, advice, etc. Of course her daughter isn't married, so I'm the only in-law and there's no one else to "steal" holidays away from her etc.

The kicker is that she is always dropping hints that she wants to help us, bc she loves saving the day, but when we ask for help (honestly, just to make her happy) she acts like we've tasked her to be our servant. So then we don't ask and she tells us we clearly don't want her around. It's a never ending cycle and is SO tiring.




OMG I could have written this myself. My MIL and SIL are so co-dependent that it is nothing less than obnoxious.
Anonymous
Post 11/05/2014 18:51     Subject: If you don't like your DIL
Yeah, the DIL's don't seem to be having a problem with that.
Anonymous
Post 11/05/2014 17:44     Subject: If you don't like your DIL
Anonymous wrote:So far this thread makes MIL's look pretty good, if only by their restraint.


Meh. I guess they would rather DIL's think the worst of them, instead of proving them right.
Anonymous
Post 11/05/2014 17:39     Subject: Re:If you don't like your DIL
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I love mine because she gave me two amazing, wonderful, loving grandchildren. And she is a good mother to them. She however isn't the woman (and hence the life) I had envisioned for my son. I look past a lot because its none of my business but one thing that really gets me is how she puts so much financial pressure on my son. They have more than enough money but to her they always need a little more. I feel like she chases after some different vain goal every 5 years and than once its attained its on to the next.


How do you know about the financial pressure and the vain goals? Do they really discuss these things with you?


NP here. My DH has a colleague with this problem. They married in their early thirties and it has been non-stop financial pressure from her since then. She had one child and wanted another so she went through several rounds of IVF. Once they stopped, she got pregnant. She then insisted they renovate their 2 bedroom to a 3 bedroom with a third bath and use an interior decorator. Once it was finished, she wanted a new, large home in a more prestigious area., guilting him that the kids needed more room while they were young. Then she had a boob job because having kids made them droopy, in addition to her usual botox. The kids are attending private kinder and elementary at $25K+ each. She didn't like driving the minivan they bought two years earlier and now has a BMW SUV. She bought him an expensive watch early so he would be sure to gift her an expensive piece of jewelry on time. The guy has frequent migraines, has asked for two raises in a year and looks constantly stressed.



How do you supposedly know all of this? Are you sure this isn't made up by someone watching their backs, in case the wife asks for a divorce down the road? It's not unheard of! How do you know she doesn't have money of her own, possibly left to her (which would not be his, because it would have been an inheritance - he might be angry about this).

I have a coworker who complains about money all the time. He doesn't earn enough for himself, but he tries to blame his wife - who has all sorts of qualifications. Of course, he could have married the materialistic asian mani/pedi secretary - to be worse off. Wouldn't that be a trip? Except it would never happen.

Some men go off at the mouth for attention. You can't believe everything you hear. I had a boss whose business partner would nag him until he bad mouthed his wife. The business partner was so jealous and had no idea how to land a girlfriend (never mind a wife). Finally, someone married the business partner for his money, and he backed off.

Some people are bullies and need a target. They don't like to see other people happy!

MIL's are NOT immune from this.
Anonymous
Post 11/05/2014 17:15     Subject: If you don't like your DIL
^*early for an anniversary
Anonymous
Post 11/05/2014 17:13     Subject: Re:If you don't like your DIL
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I love mine because she gave me two amazing, wonderful, loving grandchildren. And she is a good mother to them. She however isn't the woman (and hence the life) I had envisioned for my son. I look past a lot because its none of my business but one thing that really gets me is how she puts so much financial pressure on my son. They have more than enough money but to her they always need a little more. I feel like she chases after some different vain goal every 5 years and than once its attained its on to the next.


How do you know about the financial pressure and the vain goals? Do they really discuss these things with you?


NP here. My DH has a colleague with this problem. They married in their early thirties and it has been non-stop financial pressure from her since then. She had one child and wanted another so she went through several rounds of IVF. Once they stopped, she got pregnant. She then insisted they renovate their 2 bedroom to a 3 bedroom with a third bath and use an interior decorator. Once it was finished, she wanted a new, large home in a more prestigious area., guilting him that the kids needed more room while they were young. Then she had a boob job because having kids made them droopy, in addition to her usual botox. The kids are attending private kinder and elementary at $25K+ each. She didn't like driving the minivan they bought two years earlier and now has a BMW SUV. She bought him an expensive watch early so he would be sure to gift her an expensive piece of jewelry on time. The guy has frequent migraines, has asked for two raises in a year and looks constantly stressed.
Anonymous
Post 11/05/2014 15:31     Subject: Re:If you don't like your DIL
Anonymous wrote:I'm having trouble getting over the fact that stbdil turned DS into a cat owner. Oh, the horror. And she had a boob job at age 18. Just not what I envisioned. Those reservations aside, I see she makes DS very happy. For that, I'm thankful.


Brace yourself Lady: she'll need another boob job. Implants need to be refreshed on the regular.
Anonymous
Post 11/05/2014 15:29     Subject: If you don't like your DIL
So far this thread makes MIL's look pretty good, if only by their restraint.
Anonymous
Post 11/05/2014 15:22     Subject: If you don't like your DIL
Shouldn't (healthy) MIL's **WANT** their sons to be happy?

Why on earth should a MIL get away with trying to cause trouble between DH (son) and DW (DIL)? Why on earth shouldn't a MIL "play nice" with her DIL, not expect the DIL to kowtow to her (the MIL)?

DIL is a grown adult - a separate person who spent 20-30 years ON. HER. OWN. With her own life, upbringing, education and career. Now DIL is supposed to morph into MIL? With whom DIL has *nothing* in common??!! Christ, if you want a clone, isn't that what you do with your daughters, MIL? Create clones? Y'all look and act alike, isn't that good enough for you?

These are the issues I have been facing, since knowing DH's family. Maybe, as PP mentioned, they are too waspy for me. Or, they could just have massive sticks up their ass. But rather than thinking that, I would rather have some light shed on this so I know WTF MIL's problem is.



Anonymous
Post 11/05/2014 13:58     Subject: Re:If you don't like your DIL
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I love mine because she gave me two amazing, wonderful, loving grandchildren.


Yeah, that's how MILs often see their DILs - as an attachment to the children that MIL thinks she owns.

These are not your children, they're hers.


Um, I think that's why the poster referred to them as her "grandchildren" and not as her "children".
Anonymous
Post 11/05/2014 12:40     Subject: If you don't like your DIL
Anonymous wrote:Actually my MIL seems to like me, or at least hide it well. My DH once explained that it's because I am the least crazy woman he has ever dated, so his mother was happy to cut a deal. (Isn't he a charmer?)


Well, that's true for me too.

My MIL is a SAH and I work so I do get some passive aggressive comments on that but I think it comes from her wanting a career but her family devaluing it and her buying into that load.

Her whole entire family (all the women SAH) don't get me at all. It's like I am a man in drag to them. So 19th Century. That said, my MIL's sister does hate her DIL but she's exactly what she wanted for her son. Little, blond/blue, baby-bearer SAH who is really into SAH and all the extras they do. That DIL amazes me (so creative; house clean; bakes). That MIL also amazes me when she talks crap about her "perfect" DIL to me, the nonconformist. I think that MIL is a little crazy to b e honest.
Anonymous
Post 11/05/2014 12:32     Subject: Re:If you don't like your DIL
I'm having trouble getting over the fact that stbdil turned DS into a cat owner. Oh, the horror. And she had a boob job at age 18. Just not what I envisioned. Those reservations aside, I see she makes DS very happy. For that, I'm thankful.