Anonymous
11/07/2014 14:30
Subject: Re:Cousin against assisted living arrangements, but wants my help
OP - if you can afford $3,00 a month towards services for your aunt, I would enlist an eldercare agency in her area and get an assessment done with your aunt's input of what she needs to get done. Then see what services can be done through them such as personal care assistance, house-keeping, laundry, food shopping, errands and possibly some meal prep and set it up. I would also sign her up for Meals on Wheels or some such program that would have a regular person dropping by to get to know her and be a "second pair of eyes" as to how she was doing. One question also is that if your aunt is on medications which are perhaps fogging her memory, then perhaps with an agency try to get some way to management these betters, though it would be expensive. The idea of setting up service with a reputable handyman on home maintenance, yard work and/or any snow removal sounds wise. Get prices for all services and see what you can get "cousin" to contribute. Again, it would be my suggestion to "divide up" responsibilities between the two of you. Or simply give what you can to an agency to do certain key services and then do not think about it.
Anonymous
11/07/2014 11:07
Subject: Cousin against assisted living arrangements, but wants my help
And, social services, at least in our county did nothing when we called and called. It was a joke trying to get help.
Anonymous
11/07/2014 11:07
Subject: Re:Cousin against assisted living arrangements, but wants my help
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Couple options.
1. Aunt moves in with you or your cousin
2. Aunt gets in-home assistance. Number of hours per week/day would be dependent on your Aunt's needs.
3. Aunt goes into an assisted living home.
4. Inform social services and let them decide her fate.
Lastly, If you Aunt has not assets then the State would cover the cost of assisted living. Either in her own home or at an assisted living complex.
And what state is this?
This is Not true in most areas. In MD, for example, the state does not pay for assisted living. There are some subsided programs but they are still several thousand per month with only very limited support. There is a medicaid waiver that has at least a five year wait list so you need to place their name on the list in advanced. The state has a long term care medicaid program that is separate from regular medicaid that pays for nursing homes. It take a lot of time to qualify and you basically need to go from a hospital to a nursing home. We did it without a hospitalization but it was very difficult to get a nursing home to accept Medicaid pending as you cannot be approved until after you are in the facility. It is a complicated mess. The county claimed they had in home support and paid adult day care but we tried for months to get it and could not figure out how.
Anonymous
11/07/2014 11:06
Subject: Cousin against assisted living arrangements, but wants my help
Anonymous wrote:Op here.
Cousin is not my aunt's child. Her kids are not in any position to care about her well being. My aunt wants to live at her own home because she feels capable. She isn't. She actually needs a lot of help and I'm getting tired of having to manage 2 households. I volunteered to pay $3000 a month in living expenses for the assisted living place. Cousin feels that family takes care of family. Cousin has even suggested that I move her into my home.
I care about my aunt, but I am getting tired of this.
3000 a month could pay for a decent amount of home health care. Does she need 24 hour care?
Anonymous
11/07/2014 10:59
Subject: Cousin against assisted living arrangements, but wants my help
The things she needs help with are no reason for her to go into assisted living, which can be way more expensive than you anticipate.
Bill paying--set up automatic debits, or online bill pay where you can take care of it a couple times a month from home.
Errands--you say you can do this 1-2 times a month on X or Y day, and you just can't beyond this.
House maintenance--find a handyman you like. Many perfectly able-bodied people outsource this.
Find a housecleaner who would also be willing to do her laundry and run errands or whatever else is needed. Many able-bodied people outsource this as well. You could hire a home health aide if she needs help with bathing--most of them also do housework.
Tell your cousin what you can (pay for stuff) and cannot do (spend tons of time) and just stick with that.
Bill paying--set up automatic debits, or online bill pay where you can take care of it a couple times a month from home.
Errands--you say you can do this 1-2 times a month on X or Y day, and you just can't beyond this.
House maintenance--find a handyman you like. Many perfectly able-bodied people outsource this.
Find a housecleaner who would also be willing to do her laundry and run errands or whatever else is needed. Many able-bodied people outsource this as well. You could hire a home health aide if she needs help with bathing--most of them also do housework.
Tell your cousin what you can (pay for stuff) and cannot do (spend tons of time) and just stick with that.
Anonymous
11/07/2014 10:39
Subject: Cousin against assisted living arrangements, but wants my help
Anonymous wrote:See, I understand that I have options, but I don't want my aunt to suffer because my cousin wants to be a martyr about caring for her. [/quote
As others have said, it's not just your cousin - it's your aunt, too. Such as how you said that she won't get grocery delivery. Then she needs to go herself! Just make it clear that those are her two options.
Anonymous
11/04/2014 22:57
Subject: Re:Cousin against assisted living arrangements, but wants my help
Anonymous wrote:Couple options.
1. Aunt moves in with you or your cousin
2. Aunt gets in-home assistance. Number of hours per week/day would be dependent on your Aunt's needs.
3. Aunt goes into an assisted living home.
4. Inform social services and let them decide her fate.
Lastly, If you Aunt has not assets then the State would cover the cost of assisted living. Either in her own home or at an assisted living complex.
And what state is this?