Anonymous wrote:Neither set of our parents are divorced. But if they were I still think that wife's side and husbands side equally get half (so divorced parents would get 1/4 each). It seems unfair that one family would get less time because the other family is divorced.

Anonymous wrote:

i understand this. i am not divorced nor are my parents. i honestly had NO friends or relatives who were divorced growing up. it was SHOCKING when i met my now dh and started spending time around his divorced parents. it's awkward at best, and hostile at worst. mil won't be in the same room as fil unless she absolutely has to. i've seen fil walk up to mil to wish her happy holidays, and mil tells him to "go to hell." at my wedding, mil would not even stand up at the front with my parents or her ex husband when our families gave toasts. it's strange to me and stressful.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
To me everything else is just white noise around the fact that you don't like being around icky divorced people. Grow up, OP. Not everyone's family turned out the way they had hoped.

Some people are defensive. It's kind of sad divorce has become so commonplace. For those who grew up in families without a lot of divorces, it takes some getting used to being around divorced people because they seem to act in ways that other people do not, they are unaware of how they act, and it's unpleasant to be around. Sort of like how you're acting right now.

WTF?
I don't understand how this is. I am not divorced BTW.

i understand this. i am not divorced nor are my parents. i honestly had NO friends or relatives who were divorced growing up. it was SHOCKING when i met my now dh and started spending time around his divorced parents. it's awkward at best, and hostile at worst. mil won't be in the same room as fil unless she absolutely has to. i've seen fil walk up to mil to wish her happy holidays, and mil tells him to "go to hell." at my wedding, mil would not even stand up at the front with my parents or her ex husband when our families gave toasts. it's strange to me and stressful.

Anonymous wrote:We struggle with this too. When the older generation is divorced and lives far away, there is simply not enough time for visits. Now that the kids are a little bigger, once a year I take them to my side of the family on my own, and DH takes them on his own to his side. The other parent gets a much-needed staycation at home. So for example, this year I am heading to my parents' on Dec. 21 for a nice long Christmas visit, DH will join us on the 24th-26th. That way you can satisfy the grandparents, yet also get a bit of a break.

Anonymous wrote:OP, of course it is okay to only visit family once per year. Still, you sound like a moody fifteen year old with a bad attitude. Extremely negative and whiny.

Anonymous wrote:I would focus on what you want, versus want you don't want.

Tell DH you'd like to visit your family once a year, now that your kids are better able to travel.

And when he says vaguely that he'd like to see his family "more," nod and smile and wait for him to do anything about it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
To me everything else is just white noise around the fact that you don't like being around icky divorced people. Grow up, OP. Not everyone's family turned out the way they had hoped.

Some people are defensive. It's kind of sad divorce has become so commonplace. For those who grew up in families without a lot of divorces, it takes some getting used to being around divorced people because they seem to act in ways that other people do not, they are unaware of how they act, and it's unpleasant to be around. Sort of like how you're acting right now.

WTF?
I don't understand how this is. I am not divorced BTW.

i understand this. i am not divorced nor are my parents. i honestly had NO friends or relatives who were divorced growing up. it was SHOCKING when i met my now dh and started spending time around his divorced parents. it's awkward at best, and hostile at worst. mil won't be in the same room as fil unless she absolutely has to. i've seen fil walk up to mil to wish her happy holidays, and mil tells him to "go to hell." at my wedding, mil would not even stand up at the front with my parents or her ex husband when our families gave toasts. it's strange to me and stressful.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
To me everything else is just white noise around the fact that you don't like being around icky divorced people. Grow up, OP. Not everyone's family turned out the way they had hoped.

Some people are defensive. It's kind of sad divorce has become so commonplace. For those who grew up in families without a lot of divorces, it takes some getting used to being around divorced people because they seem to act in ways that other people do not, they are unaware of how they act, and it's unpleasant to be around. Sort of like how you're acting right now.

WTF?
I don't understand how this is. I am not divorced BTW.

Anonymous wrote:It's ok to visit them less. Spending less time with their children and grandchildren is the choice that they made when they got divorced. You cannot wear yourself out trying to compensate for their choices.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
To me everything else is just white noise around the fact that you don't like being around icky divorced people. Grow up, OP. Not everyone's family turned out the way they had hoped.

Some people are defensive. It's kind of sad divorce has become so commonplace. For those who grew up in families without a lot of divorces, it takes some getting used to being around divorced people because they seem to act in ways that other people do not, they are unaware of how they act, and it's unpleasant to be around. Sort of like how you're acting right now.

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand your discomfort with divorced in-laws, blood is thicker than water, etc. Presumably you are at all times visiting either your DH's mom OR dad, right? Honestly, you sound small-minded and kind of mean. Divorce is not easy for anyone involved, but you are the very last person who shoukd be giving your DH grief about this. You knew who his family was when you married him. Your situation is hardly unusual. My kids have four sets of grandparents, none of whom live near us or one another, and we manage to maintain good relationships with and see all of them. Mostly they visit us, since we have small kids, but we visit them too. Yeah, we don't get a lot of "vacation" vacations but that's life. It's worth it to have strong family relationships for our kids and ourselves. If you don't care about that, that's your choice, but you'd better make sure your DH is on the same page.

If you reread your post, OP, just about every sentence is an "I don't like," "I don't want to," or an excuse of some kind. I'm sure you're a lovely person in real life, but be aware that you come across as rigid and selfish. Be very careful or you might show that self to your DH a few too many times, and then your in-law problem will be solved bc you won't have any.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
To me everything else is just white noise around the fact that you don't like being around icky divorced people. Grow up, OP. Not everyone's family turned out the way they had hoped.

Some people are defensive. It's kind of sad divorce has become so commonplace. For those who grew up in families without a lot of divorces, it takes some getting used to being around divorced people because they seem to act in ways that other people do not, they are unaware of how they act, and it's unpleasant to be around. Sort of like how you're acting right now.