What does your husband think of this? If it is really bothering you then he needs to talk to his parents.

OP, If FIL only said it once or twice that would be one thing, but he has adopted this as his funny little schtick. My FIL also has some annoying lines he likes to trot out, but nothing insulting to the children.

I would shut it down rather than ignore. Be polite but ask point blank. "FIL, are we ever going to get past this? It seems like you bring it up a lot."

Be ready, though, for being painted as the mean one. I made a similar remark to my MIL - constructive, polite but firm. My remarks were described by MIL to DH as nasty.

They view themselves as good-natured and will view your criticism, regardless of how valid, as humiliating and disrespectful.

Anonymous wrote:I'm the PP who was torn between ignoring and the direct approach based on the rest of the family and how much attention they give his nonsense.

Here's another thought I had - for those advocating the direct approach - is it really the OP's battle to fight? As mentioned I can't stand my in-laws - but fortunately, they are ABSOLUTELY 100% DH's problem to deal with. I have sisters in law whose husbands are not as good at dealing with their parents, and so everyone festers in silence. OP, it sounds like your DH isn't willing enough to be direct with his family when it comes to correcting issues. You and your children are his number 1 and when your FIL is being hurtful (which I think we all agree he is, whether he realizes it or not), your DH should be stepping in.

+1

If it was my father, my problem. If it's DH's father, he needs to deal with this (and by deal with it I don't mean shrug it off or give it a weak laugh).

"Really, FIL? I had no idea you feel that way..."

And carry on.

If that doesn't work I would probably lose my temper. "You know what? I'm tired of hearing it. WE chose OUR children's names. I will thank you now for respecting our decision, and not bringing this up again."

Walk away.

My FIL used to comment on things my kids did/do that didn't make sense to him because nobody in "his" family does those things. Around the third time I said "Nope. However, my Grandpa, Dad, Uncle and Brother DO, and have for years."

If these comments were only being made to you/your husband/other adults, I'd say ignore. But because they are in front of the children, I'd address it in a way that points out that he is repeatedly telling them he sees them as less related.
Or go digging in the family tree for an Andrew and Mary. My grandmother thought my cousin and I had totally outlandish names (they're really not, but I guess they weren't familiar to her generation) until she discovered missionary nuns with those exact names a few generations up and outward on the family tree. All of a sudden she was thrilled by our names...

Anonymous wrote:My FIL made comments for years about my wedding, until one day I told him something direct in his face and in front of the whole family. He was so embarrassed, but immediately realized what an a**hole he had been toward me for years. He apologized and now he treats me with respect.

OP, be direct. As others had said, he is being exclusionary toward your children and disrespectful toward yours and DH's choices.

+1 Yep, I'd have to agree that this is a very effective way to handle these situations. And you shouldn't feel bad about it, since he very obviously has no trouble being direct to you when he criticizes the name choices of your children.

But the ass / hole comment is awesome, ha ha.....

" I just made up a name for you, wanna hear it???"

Anonymous wrote:Tell your FIL that every time he does this, he's basically saying he's not happy with your kids' names. Ask him why he needs to bring it up over and over again. Tell him it's not sending a good message to your kids, and you're also finding it annoying. Tell him to let it go already!

I think I'd go with the truth at this point. Actually, I might start the conversation with "you've mentioned that a number of times. I can tell it's bothering you." (Actually, that's not a question, but an observation- gives him the chance to talk."
It's not really his business, but I might also offer why we chose certain names- and not family names. I'd go so far as to say something like we don't like your name although we love you, or more softly, we didn't think it was right for this generation, or we believe in each kid being able to have own identify...

I think it's really annoying, OP. It *might* be funny once, but... I'd definitely go the honesty route at this point. You get to decide how much you reveal (explain your choices without defending them) or just be honest that it's annoying.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd completely ignore him. Completely. He'll eventually stop.

Although the "ass" and "hole" comeback would race through my mind every time FIL said something, I'd stick to this. He's trying to ruffle your feathers and he sounds like a jerk. But don't give him the satisfaction.

No. protect your kids from this jerk.

Anonymous wrote:I'd completely ignore him. Completely. He'll eventually stop.

Although the "ass" and "hole" comeback would race through my mind every time FIL said something, I'd stick to this. He's trying to ruffle your feathers and he sounds like a jerk. But don't give him the satisfaction.

Anonymous wrote:You know you screwed up just say you are sorry.

"Actually, FIL, Andrew is the name of my father and Mary is the name of my mother's sister who passed away when my mom was in college. Mom remembers my Aunt Mary every day. Since 'your' grandchildren have your last name, we decided that their first names would honor *my* family. I explain this to you because in 10 years, you haven't quite seemed to grasp that our children are related to *my* family as well. It's all ok though, my dad complains about them having your last name and doesn't understand how your last name fits in his family. Maybe you both need to get over it. What do you think?"

Even if it isn't true about your dad -- I know my dad would stand right next to me and agree with me if I needed to throw him under the bus to face down my ILs.

I'm the PP who was torn between ignoring and the direct approach based on the rest of the family and how much attention they give his nonsense.

Here's another thought I had - for those advocating the direct approach - is it really the OP's battle to fight? As mentioned I can't stand my in-laws - but fortunately, they are ABSOLUTELY 100% DH's problem to deal with. I have sisters in law whose husbands are not as good at dealing with their parents, and so everyone festers in silence. OP, it sounds like your DH isn't willing enough to be direct with his family when it comes to correcting issues. You and your children are his number 1 and when your FIL is being hurtful (which I think we all agree he is, whether he realizes it or not), your DH should be stepping in.

I don't think this is a situation that is appropriate for a snappy comeback - I think it is one where being direct and polite, but forceful is best.
"FIL, you bring this up to our kids all of the time. I'm not sure what you are hoping to accomplish, but it is making them feel bad. Please don't bring it up with them again."

How obnoxious.

I would say: "No, we didn't make these names up. Andrew is named after Christ's first disciple, and Mary is named after the Virgin Mary." I think I'd say something along these lines even though I am not religious.