Anonymous wrote:I don't remember these type events from my own childhood. It seems odd to me that schools and daycares plan so much of these when parents today are more likely to be working and this area has so many parents with long commutes.

I have a fairly flexible job so go to everything but with kids in two schools it gets to be a lot. In my son's preschool there are usually kids crying when they don't have a parent there, or crying when their parent leaves again mid-day. I often wonder if it's worth it.

This was my experience. Parent-child events happened after school, not during the school day, and there weren't very many of them. I do think it's annoying that schools now seem to be doing more of these kinds of things--it's like the Pinteresting of school.

Anonymous wrote:

+1 Our school doesn't do any of these mom/dad days and I've never felt we're lacking anything. There are actually very few things that parents are invited to attend during the school day, maybe at most 1-2 per year per grade. Because our school respects the fact that most parents are at work during the day.

For what it's worth, both of the elementary schools my children attended had their Goulash for Guardians events before school, and before the school buses get to school.

The donuts for dads event this year was very hard for DD and I (DH died in the past year). I took her to breakfast before school and dropped her off. I cried all the way home. Why not just have a family day???

I don't remember these type events from my own childhood. It seems odd to me that schools and daycares plan so much of these when parents today are more likely to be working and this area has so many parents with long commutes.

I have a fairly flexible job so go to everything but with kids in two schools it gets to be a lot. In my son's preschool there are usually kids crying when they don't have a parent there, or crying when their parent leaves again mid-day. I often wonder if it's worth it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does the focus have to be on the parent? Why can't it be about...the student and his/her learning??? At our school we have Poetry Cafe where kids can invite whomever they want to share their poems. The teacher has some cookies and punch. And we have an art show. And there's a science fair. In third grade, the kids do a wax museum where they dress us as a famous person. My point is that school is about learning. Keep it on that, not parents of one gender and overly sugared bakery products.

This. Just have an event where the kids show off their work, and let them invite whatever adults they want to join in. I just think these parental pastry days are pointless.

+1 Our school doesn't do any of these mom/dad days and I've never felt we're lacking anything. There are actually very few things that parents are invited to attend during the school day, maybe at most 1-2 per year per grade. Because our school respects the fact that most parents are at work during the day.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Goulash with guardians? one could have some fun with this!

Fruit with friends and family.

Inclusive AND nutritious.

But some people don't have friendssssss!!!!

You can't ban something that 98% of the population thinks is fine and can somehow work to meet their life because 2% of people can't.

Who is talking about banning anything? Not the OP.

Our school events ask kids to bring a special person. I think that works. Covers any situation. Most kids have at least someone special in their life. That said, there will always be a child feeling left out or dealing with a difficult situation. That's called life. School is not a therapist's office.

Anonymous wrote:Why does the focus have to be on the parent? Why can't it be about...the student and his/her learning??? At our school we have Poetry Cafe where kids can invite whomever they want to share their poems. The teacher has some cookies and punch. And we have an art show. And there's a science fair. In third grade, the kids do a wax museum where they dress us as a famous person. My point is that school is about learning. Keep it on that, not parents of one gender and overly sugared bakery products.

Keep school for learning you say? Pish posh. What is this mythical school you attend where there's science fairs and art shows and reading challenges? Clearly the rest of us are sending our kids to schools where every day all they do is eat a new pastry with a new person!

Anonymous wrote:Why does the focus have to be on the parent? Why can't it be about...the student and his/her learning??? At our school we have Poetry Cafe where kids can invite whomever they want to share their poems. The teacher has some cookies and punch. And we have an art show. And there's a science fair. In third grade, the kids do a wax museum where they dress us as a famous person. My point is that school is about learning. Keep it on that, not parents of one gender and overly sugared bakery products.

This. Just have an event where the kids show off their work, and let them invite whatever adults they want to join in. I just think these parental pastry days are pointless.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Goulash with guardians? one could have some fun with this!

Fruit with friends and family.

Inclusive AND nutritious.

But some people don't have friendssssss!!!!

You can't ban something that 98% of the population thinks is fine and can somehow work to meet their life because 2% of people can't.

You bleeding heart types kill me. Isn't it tiresome to be so worried about every little thing every minute of every day?

My husband is in the military and has been deployed for long periods of time, believe it or not my kids have lived just fine through Father's Day and Donuts without him attending.

Even when he is in town he is unable to make those donut days because of his work schedule. I think it's okay for kids to experience disappointment, to know everything does not go the way they want 100% of the time.

I write this as someone that lost her father very young in life, it's difficult growing up without a father, it's just reality folks, we can't shelter kids from every little disappointment, it really does not prepare them for life.

OP here, 7:31 I totally agree with everything you wrote. The kids whose parents have passed away or are not present in their lives are going to have enough issues later on to have to deal with.. no one is trying to hide the reality of their life. But there is a difference between that, and rubbing it in their face when they are a young preschool-age child and simply do not have the capacity to understand. A 10 year old understands that mom is not coming back, but a 2 year old may not.

At a minimum, I think that the invitation should say something about please bring a special friend instead if mom/dad can't come (ours did not say anything like that)... but I agree, why not just make it a family day? I guess I just don't see the point of all of this. We can do enough mother/daughter, father/son, whatever, bonding on our own time and don't need the school to facilitate it.

This thread is depressing. For background, both parents in our family are present and accounted for, and we have flexible schedules so we can make it to these types of things. But I agree with OP, what's the point? What value does it add to be that specific "donuts with DAD" or "muffins with MOM" ? Why not just do a family day? I get what the PTA is trying to do here, give each parent their own special time with that kid, and it's valuable, but there are other places to do that besides school. And to all of those saying "oh cry me a river" please remember that these are young children, not grown ups who should grow a thick skin. If we can't take a few moments to be sensitive to kids who might be missing their fathers (or mothers) very, very much for whatever reason, then there's something really wrong with us.

BTW, just to further establish myself as the bleeding heart...donuts? really? I want my kid eating donuts in school? No.

I lost my mom in my teens and remember that for a long time after she died I couldn't watch any sort of program on TV, even commercials, featuring a mom. It was too painful and I felt like the freaky girl without a mom.

However, I'm conflicted about whether I'd want to do away with special events for moms, dads, etc. On the one hand it can be painful to be the kid who is different and to be reminded of a loss. At the same time, it is part of that child's reality, good or bad, and the world cannot always be expected to conform to our situation. On balance, I guess I'd prefer to see something like "Parents and Special Friends' Day", especially if we're talking about young children. Every child deserves a chance to feel good about their family situation.

Anonymous wrote:Goulash with guardians? one could have some fun with this!

Fruit with friends and family.

Inclusive AND nutritious.