Anonymous
10/28/2014 21:07
Subject: You're an young, attractive, educated, self-sufficient woman. Why??
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Well, this was me. I was busy with college, work, hobbies. Didn't want a "boyfriend". I wanted someone who would occasionally take me out to dinner, have hot sex, and let me go on about my life. A friend with benefits.
In my experience, single men always said they were fine with that at first, but always ended up wanting more. I stopped seeing several guys my age when they started getting clingy and boyfriend-y - even if they were decent guys, that just wasn't what I wanted.
I started seeing a married guy (not really on purpose, I didn't know he was married at first, but I didn't dump him when I found out). I found that our expectations were much more on the same page. He didn't want anything more from me than I wanted from him. I never felt any personal guilt about his wife, that was between them - if I dumped him, he'd cheat with someone else. Never thought of it as my fault that he cheated.
When I finished college and was ready to settle down, I did leave him and started dating a very nice guy my age. Married him.
So, contrary to the opinions of some PPs, I did not ever want or expect the married guy to leave his wife for me. In fact, that was the exact LAST thing I would have wanted. I liked him because he was hot, confident, fun to hang out with, and happened to have a personal situation that meant he wanted a casual relationship just like I did.
I must have been in the wrong dating pool then. Seriously. Most guys I dated were all about casual sex in college.
+1. She would've been a dream for most of my guy friends.
It's a rationalization. There were plenty of young guys willing to have casual sex. There was something else about the older dude that appealed to her. Probably stroked her ego in a way that sex with the always-willing college age dudes didn't.
Some college guys were into casual sex, but only as drunken hookups that they could brag to their friends about. I wasn't interested in a series of one night stands with near-strangers or getting a reputation as a slut. I wanted someone that I could hang out with, be friends with, and have occasional no- strings-attached sex with. There is a difference between that and the one night stands. And that was where I ran into trouble: the guys who said we could be "friends with benefits" always started asking for more of a commitment at some point. I know it sounds bizarre - men are SUPPOSED to like this (and they start off claiming to like the idea), but it happened over and over. Maybe it hurt their egos to realize that I really didn't want anything more with them, I don't know. But I got tired of it. The married guy, and one older grad student who was too focused on his studies for a girlfriend, were the two best FWBs I ever had.
Anonymous
10/28/2014 20:23
Subject: You're an young, attractive, educated, self-sufficient woman. Why??
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Well, this was me. I was busy with college, work, hobbies. Didn't want a "boyfriend". I wanted someone who would occasionally take me out to dinner, have hot sex, and let me go on about my life. A friend with benefits.
In my experience, single men always said they were fine with that at first, but always ended up wanting more. I stopped seeing several guys my age when they started getting clingy and boyfriend-y - even if they were decent guys, that just wasn't what I wanted.
I started seeing a married guy (not really on purpose, I didn't know he was married at first, but I didn't dump him when I found out). I found that our expectations were much more on the same page. He didn't want anything more from me than I wanted from him. I never felt any personal guilt about his wife, that was between them - if I dumped him, he'd cheat with someone else. Never thought of it as my fault that he cheated.
When I finished college and was ready to settle down, I did leave him and started dating a very nice guy my age. Married him.
So, contrary to the opinions of some PPs, I did not ever want or expect the married guy to leave his wife for me. In fact, that was the exact LAST thing I would have wanted. I liked him because he was hot, confident, fun to hang out with, and happened to have a personal situation that meant he wanted a casual relationship just like I did.
I must have been in the wrong dating pool then. Seriously. Most guys I dated were all about casual sex in college.
+1. She would've been a dream for most of my guy friends.
It's a rationalization. There were plenty of young guys willing to have casual sex. There was something else about the older dude that appealed to her. Probably stroked her ego in a way that sex with the always-willing college age dudes didn't.