Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it is emotional manipulation (not sure if it's abuse), but it's also immaturity and self-centeredness. It's typical adolescent drama.
Also, your DD has a responsibility to respond (and everyone has a responsibility to respond) to emotional manipulation by not buying into it. By simply saying "You'll survive."

No, I don't think so. Threatening suicide is not "typical" behavior for anyone of any age. Amazing how so many of you can so easily minimize this kind of behavior when there is a ton of research into mental illness demonstrating that it manifests itself in the teen years and early 20's. Do we know for sure that OP's daughters ex-boyfriend is really suicidal? No. Does it matter? No. The bottom line is that these threats upset OP's daughter, and that should be OP's concern. There's a saying that perception is reality. If OP's DD's reality is that this situation caused her distress, that's her reality and it shouldn't be minimized or trivialized.

Some of you are going to up a shit creek when your kids reach teenage years.

A kid can say "If you break up with me I'm going to kill myself" and that's not a "suicide threat." Get real.

It could be real and it could be for effect. It's not my job as a parent or the school's job to differentiate. If a kid says something like that, they need to be seen by a professional and screened for suicide risk. If they were just being dramatic, no harm done and they will know not to that again. If they are depressed or suicidal, then they get the help they need.

OP, you are focusing on the wrong issue. The question isn't whether or not the BF's behavior meets some objective standard for "Emotional Abuse," particularly since they have already broken up. Your daughter told you she doesn't want to be around him any more. You already have all the information you need if he starts trying to get back into her life.

The question you SHOULD be asking is "How can I help my daughter learn how to foster healthy romantic relationships?" And, step one: she has to feel comfortable coming to you and letting you know what's going on in her life. She needs to feel heard, and if she comes to you and says "BF was emotionally abusive to me" and you immediately respond with "what you describe doesn't meet my definition of Emotional Abuse," of course she's going to shut down. Back off of the labels she's using. Who cares whether, in a conversation with you, she hyperbolically calls something "emotional abuse" that wouldn't rise to the level of "emotional abuse" to you? What matters are her actions. "Oh, honey. What do you want to do about it? What do you want me to do about it?" LISTEN.

Obviously, if she says "I want to file a complaint with the cops" or "I want to post on Facebook that he's an abuser," those are different conversations, but if she's just coming to you to tell you what's going on? Listen. Help her figure out what to do. Conversations about what technically constitutes "emotional abuse" can come later.

When people threaten suicide over breakups it is a sign of emotional abuse. It is also a sign of control. I really commend your daughter for getting out of that relationship. If she doesn't want to talk to you about it, help her find some county or state resources for where you life. This list from the National Network to End Domestic Violence can help you find it: http://nnedv.org/resources/coalitions.html

Also this site, which is targeted to teens but helpful for anyone: http://www.loveisrespect.org/is-this-abuse/is-this-abuse

Emotional abuse is considered domestic violence by almost all organizations. A good org will not turn away your daughter.