Anonymous
10/24/2014 17:30
Subject: How long until old people stop asking if I'm the secretary?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Yes, while dressing can make a difference (and it's a good idea to pay attention to it), the reality is that it's not fair to make women have to spend a lot of energy trying to fit in. It's like black men having to carry the Wall Street Journal in order to allay the fears of white people. Yes, why not do it, if it will help but there's whole categories of people who don't have to think about this and that's an advantage for them.Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:There is a certain cadre of folks, mainly old men, who will think you're the secretary no matter how professional you look or how you act.
Personally, I'm just waiting for them to die out. And looking forward to it.
+1
It's not about how you dress, or act, or your 'presence' in the room. This is sexism at work, plain and simple.
But nowhere did I say or imply that I wasn't already dressing and acting that way. That you assume I must have been to encounter this means you're part of the problem.
But you do come across as a PITA. And an ungrateful one at that.
Anonymous
10/24/2014 16:57
Subject: How long until old people stop asking if I'm the secretary?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Yes, while dressing can make a difference (and it's a good idea to pay attention to it), the reality is that it's not fair to make women have to spend a lot of energy trying to fit in. It's like black men having to carry the Wall Street Journal in order to allay the fears of white people. Yes, why not do it, if it will help but there's whole categories of people who don't have to think about this and that's an advantage for them.Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:There is a certain cadre of folks, mainly old men, who will think you're the secretary no matter how professional you look or how you act.
Personally, I'm just waiting for them to die out. And looking forward to it.
+1
It's not about how you dress, or act, or your 'presence' in the room. This is sexism at work, plain and simple.
But nowhere did I say or imply that I wasn't already dressing and acting that way. That you assume I must have been to encounter this means you're part of the problem.
It's a natural question to ask. Does not mean anyone assumed it.
Anonymous
10/24/2014 16:50
Subject: How long until old people stop asking if I'm the secretary?
Anonymous wrote:Yes, while dressing can make a difference (and it's a good idea to pay attention to it), the reality is that it's not fair to make women have to spend a lot of energy trying to fit in. It's like black men having to carry the Wall Street Journal in order to allay the fears of white people. Yes, why not do it, if it will help but there's whole categories of people who don't have to think about this and that's an advantage for them.Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:There is a certain cadre of folks, mainly old men, who will think you're the secretary no matter how professional you look or how you act.
Personally, I'm just waiting for them to die out. And looking forward to it.
+1
It's not about how you dress, or act, or your 'presence' in the room. This is sexism at work, plain and simple.
But nowhere did I say or imply that I wasn't already dressing and acting that way. That you assume I must have been to encounter this means you're part of the problem.
Anonymous
10/24/2014 16:30
Subject: Re:How long until old people stop asking if I'm the secretary?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I tried to use this to my advantage against opposing counsel: underestimate me at your own peril.
As for others, whatever, it's a mistake. What's wrong with secretaries?
Nothing at all! But hate being asked that, as if I'm crashing the bar association happy hour with my boss for free booze.
Eh, when I'm at big firm events or association things with DH, he's always asked what law he practices or where he went to law school, etc, assuming he's the associate and I'm just the wife. He's an IT guy, but whatever. It's all good -- we have jobs. Just chill, it's just small talk. Really.
Yeah, there are problems in this world. This is not one of them.
Anonymous
10/24/2014 16:17
Subject: How long until old people stop asking if I'm the secretary?
Anonymous wrote: the reality is that it's not fair to make women have to spend a lot of energy trying to fit in. .
Waaah, waaah, waaah, shut the hell up.
You think I like having to wear a suit and tie and dress shoes every day? I don't! Especially in the summer! But I have to because that's what the boss expects.
And yet I also note that a lot of women in this area get away with dressing unprofessionally at work, obviously they never get called on it, and still they whine about fairness.
Anonymous
10/24/2014 16:07
Subject: How long until old people stop asking if I'm the secretary?
Yes, while dressing can make a difference (and it's a good idea to pay attention to it), the reality is that it's not fair to make women have to spend a lot of energy trying to fit in. It's like black men having to carry the Wall Street Journal in order to allay the fears of white people. Yes, why not do it, if it will help but there's whole categories of people who don't have to think about this and that's an advantage for them.Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:There is a certain cadre of folks, mainly old men, who will think you're the secretary no matter how professional you look or how you act.
Personally, I'm just waiting for them to die out. And looking forward to it.
+1
It's not about how you dress, or act, or your 'presence' in the room. This is sexism at work, plain and simple.
Anonymous
10/24/2014 15:59
Subject: How long until old people stop asking if I'm the secretary?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:There is a certain cadre of folks, mainly old men, who will think you're the secretary no matter how professional you look or how you act.
Personally, I'm just waiting for them to die out. And looking forward to it.
+1
It's not about how you dress, or act, or your 'presence' in the room. This is sexism at work, plain and simple.
+2, though I am fascinated by the immediate blaming of the OP (She's dressing wrong! She's too timid! She carries herself like a secretary!). People don't walk into rooms and assume any of the guys are secretaries.
I went to an interview once and was supposed to start with the managing partner. A guy came in the room and said it would be a few minutes. I thought he was an intern. He looked really young, had chubby cheeks and a messy hairdo. He was dressed in long shorts and a button down shirt that was wrinkled and the sleeves were sloppily rolled up. When he came back to the room I was surprised to find out he was the managing partner.
Anonymous
10/24/2014 15:29
Subject: Re:How long until old people stop asking if I'm the secretary?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I am 46, dress very well and am still asked if I am the secretary.
If they ask me to take notes in a meeting I ask them if they will get me coffee.
I like this response. Not bold enough to say it. Would you say it to your boss?
Yes. But I am bold. Once, in front of my boss, a coworker cut me off and told me I only deserved 5 minutes of his time. The next meeting I introduced him as "the 5 minute man". He ask for a truce.
Pp, are you an attorney? If not, what line of work are you in?
I find that if women are bold, they are called difficult and bitches.
That is very true in every profession. Not that it ever stopped me.
Anonymous
10/24/2014 15:27
Subject: Re:How long until old people stop asking if I'm the secretary?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I am 46, dress very well and am still asked if I am the secretary.
If they ask me to take notes in a meeting I ask them if they will get me coffee.
I like this response. Not bold enough to say it. Would you say it to your boss?
Yes. But I am bold. Once, in front of my boss, a coworker cut me off and told me I only deserved 5 minutes of his time. The next meeting I introduced him as "the 5 minute man". He ask for a truce.
Pp, are you an attorney? If not, what line of work are you in?
I find that if women are bold, they are called difficult and bitches.
Anonymous
10/24/2014 15:24
Subject: Re:How long until old people stop asking if I'm the secretary?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I am 46, dress very well and am still asked if I am the secretary.
If they ask me to take notes in a meeting I ask them if they will get me coffee.
I like this response. Not bold enough to say it. Would you say it to your boss?
Yes. But I am bold. Once, in front of my boss, a coworker cut me off and told me I only deserved 5 minutes of his time. The next meeting I introduced him as "the 5 minute man". He ask for a truce.
Anonymous
10/24/2014 15:19
Subject: Re:How long until old people stop asking if I'm the secretary?
Anonymous wrote:I am a secretary and I have never been asked to get anyone a cup of coffee. Well...once...by a very young associate and I asked her if her legs were hurting. Never asked me again.
Snort!
Anonymous
10/24/2014 15:18
Subject: How long until old people stop asking if I'm the secretary?
Funny. I AM the secretary and people assume all the time I'm a lawyer. I think it's about the confidence you project rather than the suit you wear.
Anonymous
10/24/2014 15:16
Subject: Re:How long until old people stop asking if I'm the secretary?
I am a secretary and I have never been asked to get anyone a cup of coffee. Well...once...by a very young associate and I asked her if her legs were hurting. Never asked me again.
Anonymous
10/24/2014 15:13
Subject: Re:How long until old people stop asking if I'm the secretary?
Anonymous wrote:I am 46, dress very well and am still asked if I am the secretary.
If they ask me to take notes in a meeting I ask them if they will get me coffee.
I like this response. Not bold enough to say it. Would you say it to your boss?
Anonymous
10/24/2014 15:09
Subject: How long until old people stop asking if I'm the secretary?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:There is a certain cadre of folks, mainly old men, who will think you're the secretary no matter how professional you look or how you act.
Personally, I'm just waiting for them to die out. And looking forward to it.
+1
It's not about how you dress, or act, or your 'presence' in the room. This is sexism at work, plain and simple.
+2, though I am fascinated by the immediate blaming of the OP (She's dressing wrong! She's too timid! She carries herself like a secretary!). People don't walk into rooms and assume any of the guys are secretaries.