I made it through several years of IF by answering, "There's an idea!" Sounds friendly enough, but it does shut down the conversation.

Anonymous wrote:one of my SIL is always asking about nieces and nephews. I'm often tempted to respond to her, "When are you getting married?"

that would shut her up real fast

Anonymous wrote:I remember when we were trying for quite some time, my mom's not-very-close friend asked me when I am going have children. I was already scared that we can't conceive and said "I don't know". This answer got her all riled up: "What do you mean you don't know, do you want children or not"? I said that we don't and it made her even more outraged. The thing is, we got pregnant in the following month. When that friend found out, she told my mom I am a lier and stopped talking to her. I never thought someone I barely knew can take my fertility so personally.

Total weirdo. I hope your mom didn't shed any tears over the loss of that friendship.

When people mention it in a roundabout way I ignore it. When they ask directly I say directly "I don't discuss that" and then change the subject.

If my MIL kept mentioning it in a roundabout way I'd be straight forward and say "It seems like you're trying to hint about us having a baby. If we have something to announce, we'll announce. But we don't discuss whether or not we're trying to get pregnant, even with close family or friends."

Anonymous wrote:I remember when we were trying for quite some time, my mom's not-very-close friend asked me when I am going have children. I was already scared that we can't conceive and said "I don't know". This answer got her all riled up: "What do you mean you don't know, do you want children or not"? I said that we don't and it made her even more outraged. The thing is, we got pregnant in the following month. When that friend found out, she told my mom I am a lier and stopped talking to her. I never thought someone I barely knew can take my fertility so personally.

how strange.

I remember when we were trying for quite some time, my mom's not-very-close friend asked me when I am going have children. I was already scared that we can't conceive and said "I don't know". This answer got her all riled up: "What do you mean you don't know, do you want children or not"? I said that we don't and it made her even more outraged. The thing is, we got pregnant in the following month. When that friend found out, she told my mom I am a lier and stopped talking to her. I never thought someone I barely knew can take my fertility so personally.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a wife who'd love it if my DH was ready for kids, I love it when people ask this question. Dh for years was convinced his parents didn't care because they didn't ask. We really want involved grandparents and weren't sure that ours would be on board if we had kids. Ours never visit us and we'd love it if they were involved enough to care about having grandkids. So far, they don't mention it. My SIL nags constantly about wanting nieces and nephews though.

this sounds like communication issues between you and your dh, not in laws or sil etc

I just answered the question of how to handle nosy people. It doesn't bother me like it bothers everyone else. I like talking about it. It's nice to be able to talk to others about it while DH gets ready.

Anonymous wrote:As a wife who'd love it if my DH was ready for kids, I love it when people ask this question. Dh for years was convinced his parents didn't care because they didn't ask. We really want involved grandparents and weren't sure that ours would be on board if we had kids. Ours never visit us and we'd love it if they were involved enough to care about having grandkids. So far, they don't mention it. My SIL nags constantly about wanting nieces and nephews though.

this sounds like communication issues between you and your dh, not in laws or sil etc

one of my SIL is always asking about nieces and nephews. I'm often tempted to respond to her, "When are you getting married?"

Anonymous wrote:So, are you trying, OP??

good one!

As a wife who'd love it if my DH was ready for kids, I love it when people ask this question. Dh for years was convinced his parents didn't care because they didn't ask. We really want involved grandparents and weren't sure that ours would be on board if we had kids. Ours never visit us and we'd love it if they were involved enough to care about having grandkids. So far, they don't mention it. My SIL nags constantly about wanting nieces and nephews though.

I think if a MIL feels so compelled to ask for status update on this, she should ask HER SON, not her DIL.

Similarly, it would be inappropriate and awkward for my mother to go up my husband and ask him about the babymaking timeline. If she wants to know, at least ask me.

So, are you trying, OP??

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll definitely let you know when there's anything to share!

Nope- don't give her that foot in the door. You want to shut the convo down and make it clear this is between you and DH.

God...some of you are so uptight. You are one of those DIL. It's fairly normal for a parent of an adult, married child to hope for and inquire about grandchildren. Yes, it is for the couple to decide when to discuss or give news, but you make it sound like she's a paparazzi. The former PP's statement is pretty clear and a heck of a lot more polite. This is the way to be nice to your in-laws instead of alienating them.

I used a similar phrase, "We'll be sure to tell you when there's any news to share." We still controlled when we announced, but both of our curious mothers got the hint and waited until we told them and stopped hinting/asking after we said the above (and we didn't have children for many years after we got married).

Disagree. It's bad form and none of their business.

You must be one of those self-centered millenials.

She's family. Get over yourself.

you must be one of those self absorbed MILs.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one not weirded out by inquiries about future grandchildren? I would just give an honest answer - we're thinking about it or no, not right now or we're open minded about it but not specifically trying right now.

No one actually wants details. Just a simple, honest answer to the question will do. Yes/No/We'll take what we get

yes. it's intrusive and none of your business.

Okay, but I'm not actually going around asking people. I have been asked by my MIL and she even told me when *not* to have children. I didn't follow her advice, but I don't think the subject is off limits to her. She's allowed to ask and I'm honest in response. You don't have to take anyone's advice, but by being all secretive, you probably attract more interest and speculation.

It's so much easier navigating an IL relationship when there's aren't walls put up around everything. Being married normally does come with an intention to have children, so it's not such an odd "intrusive" thing to talk about. If your response is "none of your business" then it suggests something's wrong in that department.