Anonymous
Post 10/22/2014 15:13     Subject: is DH unreasonable?
Anonymous wrote:OP, I was this child. So many permission slips forgotten. So many times I didn't have X that everyone else had. I would have cried the entire day. That would have been a big deal for me.

I think you're both right. DH is right and you are right. Kids do need to learn how to deal with disappointment, but you already know that this was too big to let your kid process on his own. With an impact like that, there is a whole spectrum of opportunity to teach kids how to deal with disappointment. This is pretty much a 30-year process for that skill to really take form. Tomorrow is a new day.

This situation is different than the ice cream cone falling on the floor or the park being closed. We walk away from those situations. But, this pajama thing--he's sitting there for 7 hours constantly reminded of how he stands out when everyone just tries so hard to fit in. He can't relax and learn. He can't walk away from the situation and then do something completely different.

This may not be true for your household, but it was sure true for mine. My parents needed to get a hold of my school calendar and make it as important as their own schedules. Besides sending me to school, they made few decisions about my education. I made all of them. They should have been my advocate. That doesn't mean yelling at teachers when a student earns something else than an A, but it does mean that they should have known what was going on from day to day. And, they could have taught me to

The overall lesson I got was that I refuse to miss out.


Meant to say they could have taught me to manage my own calendar.
Anonymous
Post 10/22/2014 15:13     Subject: Re:is DH unreasonable?
The school called pretty early in the day and I did not want them to have to deal with his crying for 5 more hours. Dh was sleeping when I called he goes to work a little later to avoid rush hour traffic. The school is walking distance to the house which means he would either lose 10 minutes of sleep or come to work 10 minutes late. I think being able to participate in a school wide event is a big deal for a 5 year old. And no he is not coddled or spoiled and if anything I am more of a disciplinarian in the family.


There is no way your child would have cried about this for 5 hours at the age of 5. If he was feeling sick or not well enough to function back at school, you should have kept him home. I would have been very annoyed at DH, but no way would I have driven an hour round trip to bring my DS (who is also 5) the pajamas to compensate for DH failing to do so. He'd have to suck it up and deal.
Anonymous
Post 10/22/2014 15:12     Subject: is DH unreasonable?
OP, I was this child. So many permission slips forgotten. So many times I didn't have X that everyone else had. I would have cried the entire day. That would have been a big deal for me.

I think you're both right. DH is right and you are right. Kids do need to learn how to deal with disappointment, but you already know that this was too big to let your kid process on his own. With an impact like that, there is a whole spectrum of opportunity to teach kids how to deal with disappointment. This is pretty much a 30-year process for that skill to really take form. Tomorrow is a new day.

This situation is different than the ice cream cone falling on the floor or the park being closed. We walk away from those situations. But, this pajama thing--he's sitting there for 7 hours constantly reminded of how he stands out when everyone just tries so hard to fit in. He can't relax and learn. He can't walk away from the situation and then do something completely different.

This may not be true for your household, but it was sure true for mine. My parents needed to get a hold of my school calendar and make it as important as their own schedules. Besides sending me to school, they made few decisions about my education. I made all of them. They should have been my advocate. That doesn't mean yelling at teachers when a student earns something else than an A, but it does mean that they should have known what was going on from day to day. And, they could have taught me to

The overall lesson I got was that I refuse to miss out.
Anonymous
Post 10/22/2014 15:11     Subject: Re:is DH unreasonable?
Anonymous wrote:As an aside I'd like to share with you all that I HATE THE SPECIAL DRESS-UP DAYS. It's a nightmare to remember, try to find the right clothes, etc.


Do you remember the important meetings you have?
Anonymous
Post 10/22/2014 15:11     Subject: is DH unreasonable?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:

But there's still you leaving work because you didn't like your husband's decision as parent-on-the-spot. How much faith and trust do you have in your husband as a father?

What? Ridiculous. Husband said he wasn't going to go, does not mean that OP cannot go.
Anonymous
Post 10/22/2014 15:11     Subject: is DH unreasonable?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:1) Why in the heck did the school think this warranted a phone call? Good grief, it's one day.

2) That said, DH really could have done it, unless he had a crazy day of working from home or needed to be there for a repairman. If he can great, if not well, oh well.

3) You leaving work early and driving over an hour home? That was insane. Totally unnecessary...and on top of it it undermined the decision your DH already made. You should have let it go.

4) Since nearly all these involve not delivering the PJs, apologize to DS when he gets home and do something extra nice like have ice cream after dinner.

Done.


+1 I WFH close to the school and would not have run the PJs over. I'm a DW. You were insane to do what you did. Your child will have many more incidences of being upset about "being the only one". You need to teach your kid how to deal with disappointments, whose ever fault it was.

I probably coddle my kids more than my DH, too, but the incidence you describe was a bit too much.

And totally agree with #1 - whoever had the school call home is ridiculous.


I agree. Team husband.
Anonymous
Post 10/22/2014 15:10     Subject: is DH unreasonable?
Anonymous wrote:OP here, a little background story. THe reason we forgot about pajamas is that DS was out of school 2 days last week, and two days this week with fever/vomiting. He was feeling better yesterday, but we generally keep him home for 24 hours after last fever episode. He went to school today still feeling a little tired. So I think he was crying or was upset more tha usual because of that. He is generally very easy to get along with.


But there's still you leaving work because you didn't like your husband's decision as parent-on-the-spot. How much faith and trust do you have in your husband as a father?
Anonymous
Post 10/22/2014 15:09     Subject: is DH unreasonable?
Anonymous wrote:OP here, a little background story. THe reason we forgot about pajamas is that DS was out of school 2 days last week, and two days this week with fever/vomiting. He was feeling better yesterday, but we generally keep him home for 24 hours after last fever episode. He went to school today still feeling a little tired. So I think he was crying or was upset more tha usual because of that. He is generally very easy to get along with.


This makes your husband look even worse, he says toughen it up when your kid is puking his brains out. God damn these men shouldn't procreate.
Anonymous
Post 10/22/2014 15:08     Subject: is DH unreasonable?
Anonymous wrote:OP here, a little background story. THe reason we forgot about pajamas is that DS was out of school 2 days last week, and two days this week with fever/vomiting. He was feeling better yesterday, but we generally keep him home for 24 hours after last fever episode. He went to school today still feeling a little tired. So I think he was crying or was upset more tha usual because of that. He is generally very easy to get along with.

This always happens. OP reshaping the original post when responses aren't quite going the right way.
Anonymous
Post 10/22/2014 15:07     Subject: Re:is DH unreasonable?
you drove an hour for PJs?
Anonymous
Post 10/22/2014 15:06     Subject: is DH unreasonable?
Anonymous wrote:OP here, a little background story. THe reason we forgot about pajamas is that DS was out of school 2 days last week, and two days this week with fever/vomiting. He was feeling better yesterday, but we generally keep him home for 24 hours after last fever episode. He went to school today still feeling a little tired. So I think he was crying or was upset more tha usual because of that. He is generally very easy to get along with.


Wait, hold up.

Is the rule 24 hours after fever? So you sent him to school without adequate time after a fever?

How much of your work day did you waste running back for the pajamas? When you could have just kept your still sick kid home?
Anonymous
Post 10/22/2014 15:06     Subject: is DH unreasonable?
Anonymous wrote:OP here, a little background story. THe reason we forgot about pajamas is that DS was out of school 2 days last week, and two days this week with fever/vomiting. He was feeling better yesterday, but we generally keep him home for 24 hours after last fever episode. He went to school today still feeling a little tired. So I think he was crying or was upset more tha usual because of that. He is generally very easy to get along with.


OK, so you neglect this part of the story at first because you thought everyone would side with you. But now that people are suggesting you are coddling your kid and not teaching your DC to deal with disappointments you decide to post this excuse. Sounds like you were just looking for people to side with you and not really looking to see if your DH had a valid point.
Anonymous
Post 10/22/2014 15:04     Subject: is DH unreasonable?
My husband would have brought some so it would have been a nonissue. I would have brought them like you if I could.
Anonymous
Post 10/22/2014 15:03     Subject: is DH unreasonable?
OP here, a little background story. THe reason we forgot about pajamas is that DS was out of school 2 days last week, and two days this week with fever/vomiting. He was feeling better yesterday, but we generally keep him home for 24 hours after last fever episode. He went to school today still feeling a little tired. So I think he was crying or was upset more tha usual because of that. He is generally very easy to get along with.
Anonymous
Post 10/22/2014 15:03     Subject: is DH unreasonable?
I am a guy and would take 10 minutes out of my day for my kids. He sounds like a complete asshole, sleeping in, taking easy jobs etc... was he an only child? Did he grow up in some rich entitled household? Did he teach your child how to swim by throwing your kid into the deep end? I can say without reservation he is an asshole.