Thank you for the kind replies. They're very helpful.

'K Haters. Step back.

OP, if you want to know whether her behavior rises to the level of abuse, read Patricia Evans's books on verbally abusive behavior. Although the books assume the abuser is male, she says straight out that women can abuse, too. And yes most people with BDP tend to be women, except for physically abusive men, murderers and serial killers. BPD is incredibly hard to change.

I recommend you figure out what you have in terms of a relationship with YOUR OWN individual therapist. I was in an abusive relationship. I also endured couples counseling where everything was twisted against me. So I know exactly what you mean.

Get some professional help and make some decisions. Even if your wife is not technically abusive, you cannot keep doing this to yourself. Get help before you end up like me earlier this - suicidal with people threatening to hospitalize me. Abuse can wear you down that much. Stop before you get there, OP. Be kind to yourself. Sending positive thoughts your way.

I know of at least 3 second marriages where the second wife demands that her husband essentially cut off or weaken contact with his kids. Now in these cases the were all adult kids. They were not abusive types of women in all cases, but they do something to pressure the husband to make the second family all about them and only them. It's horrible but no unheard of. I don't know how they do it...maybe a "it's me or your children, you choose." Considering love it not all that easy to find past middle age, I think it's easy for men to fall for this deal.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not the place to go for advise. This is a man hating zone.

man here---this dude is a bitch and deserves all his scorn.

Agreed. Another man posting here... the OP, if a real person and a real dilemma, is a giant bitch. In fact, here's his wife on TV...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M79dJgMBFh4

She and her husband are two people who should not be allowed to reproduce. Both bizarre.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not the place to go for advise. This is a man hating zone.

man here---this dude is a bitch and deserves all his scorn.

Agreed. Another man posting here... the OP, if a real person and a real dilemma, is a giant bitch. In fact, here's his wife on TV...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M79dJgMBFh4

OP, you are letting your wife have way too much control over your life. How can just ONE person have so much control over so many aspects of your life? I.e., your children from a previous marriage, your career, possessions, etc.

You must have somehow along the way given her permission to have this much power + now you must get it back.

First and foremost, stop letting her manipulate you. She is on a power trip and using it to her advantage every single day. She is using it in a very cruel manner and she is ruining your whole life because of it.

You need to take back that power and do not let fear dictate your life. Whatever will happen will happen. Let the chips fall where they may.

Because she senses that fear in you. And she is working it to her full advantage.

You sound like a big pussy.
You let your current wife cut you off from *your* children while you raise hers.
You let her embarrass you publicly.
You let her put you down regularly.
Do you lick the other guy's balls while she sucks him?

Either this thread is a troll or you're a pathetic specimen of man.

Grow a set. More than everything you've said here, letting her cut you off from your own children says it all.

OP, here's the thing. And before someone calls me out on the fact that you're a man, this really is not a gender issue. The thing is, you've stated the following:

"My wife constantly puts me down, points out faults, makes passive aggressive statements and in general puts me through an emotional roller coaster." Okay, I accept that all as true and that's not a healthy relationship. BUT, IS IT ABUSE? I don't know, OP. Many, many couples, many partners, nitpick, find fault, are passive aggressive, and live with an intense amount of fighting. That's what I call an unhealthy relationship. A bad match.

To know whether you are being emotionally ABUSED, I would have to hear that your wife is really, truly, victimizing you. Not just being unpleasant and difficult. That's not abuse. We are not guaranteed a pleasant spouse 24/7 and it's not abuse when your spouse is passive/aggressive. Again, this isn't a male/female thing. I'm just calling it as I see it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You chose to abandon your children and you choose to be abused. Grow a pair.

This isn't fair. Abused women do this all the time and get a pass because they are in a very dysfunctional place. Abuse takes power away. When he gets healthy and-or gets away from this woman, he will be able to reconnect with his kids.

Very true. And also true is that abuse from women towards men is hugely unreported because of the embarrassment and lack of support men have.

Anonymous wrote:Not the place to go for advise. This is a man hating zone.

man here---this dude is a bitch and deserves all his scorn.