Anonymous wrote:

RHinVA wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So get divorced. These posts are so stupid. "He shoved me. He's a jerk. He's always been tough to live with but now he's getting worse. What do I do?!" Is the answer really not obvious?

No, it's really not obvious. People in abusive relationships are living in an isolated bubble and they have no idea what "normal" is. Coming here and talking about it is an excellent way to validate feelings, confirm suspicions, be genuinely surprised to find out that not all husbands are like that. I'm glad that you've never had to experience what the Op has and you should appreciate it. But please understand that people post because they need to, because they're afraid and they have no one else to turn to, not because they're stupid.

This is so true. I'm currently living in a bad marriage (verbally and emotionally abusive, not physical). I feel like I've lost what normal is. My husband convinces me that everything is my fault, and all I do is try to be a better wife, so things will be better. I don't want to break up my family, so I'm trying so hard. I can't tell my friends or family about how my husband treats me because it's so damn embarrassing. I've posted many times on here just to get a dose of reality and find what normal should be.

I am your male equivalent and people at work would be shocked if they knew what my life was like. Hang in there. Year and a half I'm out when last kid leaves for college. Don't even care if I never date again-just want some peace in my life.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need a time out. (NOT LIKE A LITTLE KID TIME OUT.)

Call a friend, or sister, or parent and say you need some time away. Go for a few day, relax, take sometime to regroup.

Yeah, thinking about this. But I don't want to be away from my kid right now.

Duh! Take the kids with you!

As a victim many times over of domestic abuse, I can say for a fact that this is a pre-cursor possibly of worse things to come.

For your husband to actually do something of a physical nature to you to prove a point is definitely crossing the line into abuse.

If I were in your shoes, I wouldn't want to stick around much longer to find out.

I say leave right now.

If you stay, you risk physical harm to yourself + possibly to your son and this will not end well.

OP, I am so sorry you are in this position however these days there are a lot of resources available for women like you so I am confident you and your child will be okay.

Good luck to you both. And hugs to you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm curious why he was so angry to drop your kids off. Isn't that what a parent is supposed to do? Or was the situation such that he felt you were being lazy or something?

Not saying "shoving" was acceptable...not at all.

Some parents don't want the responsibility of parenting. I have a 6 week old, and so far my husband has only touched him to pick him up for photos in the hospital. He has not touched him for over 5 weeks, refuses to help at all overnight, refuses to change a diaper or feed him or give me a break of any kind. He wanted the baby so f'n bad, said he would help and be a great father. It was all just a total lie. He tells me I'm lazy because I'm falling behind on the household chores. I just don't understand what is going on with him. This is not what I signed up for or what I was expecting. I was expecting him to help parent, but apparently it is too much for him.

Stories like yours make me happy that my husband had a marriage with kids before we met, so that I could see proof of his parenting. I have a friend who will not even date men with children, despite being in her early 40's and wanting her own.

Sorry your husband turned out to be a dud.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm curious why he was so angry to drop your kids off. Isn't that what a parent is supposed to do? Or was the situation such that he felt you were being lazy or something?

Not saying "shoving" was acceptable...not at all.

Some parents don't want the responsibility of parenting. I have a 6 week old, and so far my husband has only touched him to pick him up for photos in the hospital. He has not touched him for over 5 weeks, refuses to help at all overnight, refuses to change a diaper or feed him or give me a break of any kind. He wanted the baby so f'n bad, said he would help and be a great father. It was all just a total lie. He tells me I'm lazy because I'm falling behind on the household chores. I just don't understand what is going on with him. This is not what I signed up for or what I was expecting. I was expecting him to help parent, but apparently it is too much for him.

I'm so sorry PP. Parenting is damn hard, but he's a grown up. He needs to be an adult. This is not the 1950's.

There was a show on tv a while ago, I think it was called the Baby Borrowers or something, where teens had to take care of a baby (not newborn) or toddler. There was a professional nanny in the house with them, off camera, to step in if warranted, and the parents saw everything on camera but in a different house, and they could step in if they felt the need. But basically, the teens had to take care of the kids by themselves for x # of days (can't remember). Anyway, I feel like *every* person needs to go through this so they know how damn hard parenting is. This would probably reduce the population . They cancelled that show, but I thought it was a really great show.

While 50/50 custody would expose OP's child to greater dangers, fair point, something tells me that husbands like OP's will not follow through with 50/50 custody. This man does not want the responsibliity of full time child care for days on end. Highly doubtful that this would every come to pass. I see this as the type of man who would dwindle off a relationship with his child.

OP, Any chance he's clinically depressed? Depression in men often manifests as anger. I'm not excusing his behavior. Just wondering of there is an underlying cause that could be treated. Maybe he'd be more likely to talk to a physician about depression than go to a counselor?

In any event,definitely get counseling with someone who's knowledgable about anger issues and domestic violence. You need some tools to deal with this. Best wishes.

Anonymous wrote:I'm curious why he was so angry to drop your kids off. Isn't that what a parent is supposed to do? Or was the situation such that he felt you were being lazy or something?

Not saying "shoving" was acceptable...not at all.

Some parents don't want the responsibility of parenting. I have a 6 week old, and so far my husband has only touched him to pick him up for photos in the hospital. He has not touched him for over 5 weeks, refuses to help at all overnight, refuses to change a diaper or feed him or give me a break of any kind. He wanted the baby so f'n bad, said he would help and be a great father. It was all just a total lie. He tells me I'm lazy because I'm falling behind on the household chores. I just don't understand what is going on with him. This is not what I signed up for or what I was expecting. I was expecting him to help parent, but apparently it is too much for him.

OP, my advice is to journal about these experiences. This can be useful in case of divorce and should help you sort out your feelings too.

RHinVA wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So get divorced. These posts are so stupid. "He shoved me. He's a jerk. He's always been tough to live with but now he's getting worse. What do I do?!" Is the answer really not obvious?

No, it's really not obvious. People in abusive relationships are living in an isolated bubble and they have no idea what "normal" is. Coming here and talking about it is an excellent way to validate feelings, confirm suspicions, be genuinely surprised to find out that not all husbands are like that. I'm glad that you've never had to experience what the Op has and you should appreciate it. But please understand that people post because they need to, because they're afraid and they have no one else to turn to, not because they're stupid.

This is so true. I'm currently living in a bad marriage (verbally and emotionally abusive, not physical). I feel like I've lost what normal is. My husband convinces me that everything is my fault, and all I do is try to be a better wife, so things will be better. I don't want to break up my family, so I'm trying so hard. I can't tell my friends or family about how my husband treats me because it's so damn embarrassing. I've posted many times on here just to get a dose of reality and find what normal should be.

OP, one day you're gonna find an elevator video of yourself passed out on the floor and being dragged out with your butt hanging out of your skirt.

Anonymous wrote:I'm curious why he was so angry to drop your kids off. Isn't that what a parent is supposed to do? Or was the situation such that he felt you were being lazy or something?

Not saying "shoving" was acceptable...not at all.

Soooo not the point of this topic.

I'm curious why he was so angry to drop your kids off. Isn't that what a parent is supposed to do? Or was the situation such that he felt you were being lazy or something?

Not saying "shoving" was acceptable...not at all.

Nobody here knows enough info about OP, her husband, their history, or anything to offer any real advice. That's what the professionals are for. Get into therapy and if hearing from anonymous strangers helps, then so be it, but I hope this isn't your only source of support.

Next time he "bumps" into you, call the police. You need a RECORD of this shit and then he won't end up with 50/50 custody. Just remember you all are setting the example to your son of how to act a s man and how to treat women. do you want your son to grow up to like your husband?