Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Your scorn for good manners, good behavior, and trying hard don't bode well. Believe me, your daughter picks up on this.

You need an attitude adjustment, and to dial back your justifications about why your child isn't doing as well as her friend.

That's right. I never emphasized on that with DD. Because I don't believe "yes, mam" and obidient behavior are that important. I believe that what's more important is individuality, curiosity, creativity, imagination.

But my DD gets stickers for good behavior, not for thinking outside the box or being curious.

Well, if you think that good behavior is for chumps, then you shouldn't be too upset that your daughter isn't exhibiting it in school.

I guess you're upset that it's being valued in school? How exactly do you expect children to be taught in a large group without valuing manners and behavior? If they don't do so, I guarantee that your snowflake is not going to be able to exercise her curiosity, creativity, and imagination, because it's going to be fucking chaos.

Maybe try a Waldorf school…

That club sounds insipid and sucky. Can you tell us the school?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Your scorn for good manners, good behavior, and trying hard don't bode well. Believe me, your daughter picks up on this.

You need an attitude adjustment, and to dial back your justifications about why your child isn't doing as well as her friend.

That's right. I never emphasized on that with DD. Because I don't believe "yes, mam" and obidient behavior are that important. I believe that what's more important is individuality, curiosity, creativity, imagination.

But my DD gets stickers for good behavior, not for thinking outside the box or being curious.

OK, then. In general, you get what you pay for so I would recommend valuing these rather ordinary things. You have a rather narrow definition of what it means to be polite. Part of the behavior they try to teach in kindergarten is as follows: "behave as if there are other people in the room who are just as important as you." This is a new thing to many kindergarteners.

Al the things you prize... individuality etc... often best done in a group setting, which means interacting with people in a respectful way. And, creativity without skill training (in whatever the skill is - art, music, lacrosse, doesn't matter) isn't worth much. Acquiring those skills occurs most effectively when one interacts with people in a respectful way.

Your child is probably a lovely little girl. She is probably fairly ordinary, as most of our children are. Cherish her gifts, but don't scorn everything else.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Your scorn for good manners, good behavior, and trying hard don't bode well. Believe me, your daughter picks up on this.

You need an attitude adjustment, and to dial back your justifications about why your child isn't doing as well as her friend.

That's right. I never emphasized on that with DD. Because I don't believe "yes, mam" and obidient behavior are that important. I believe that what's more important is individuality, curiosity, creativity, imagination.

But my DD gets stickers for good behavior, not for thinking outside the box or being curious.

Then I don't understand at all. Your daughter's friend get an award for something you don't value anyway. Why does this upset you? Why are you being competitive about this?

Anonymous wrote:OP, supplementing your Kindergartner for an hour a day sounds excessive. I don't care how fun it may be, after a while she realizes she spent all day in class and now she and Mommy "do math" every afternoon, too. Blech.

Well, not a full hour. Maybe 40 minutes. I really don't think they are doing much at school.

Anonymous wrote:

Your scorn for good manners, good behavior, and trying hard don't bode well. Believe me, your daughter picks up on this.

You need an attitude adjustment, and to dial back your justifications about why your child isn't doing as well as her friend.

That's right. I never emphasized on that with DD. Because I don't believe "yes, mam" and obidient behavior are that important. I believe that what's more important is individuality, curiosity, creativity, imagination.

But my DD gets stickers for good behavior, not for thinking outside the box or being curious.

OP, supplementing your Kindergartner for an hour a day sounds excessive. I don't care how fun it may be, after a while she realizes she spent all day in class and now she and Mommy "do math" every afternoon, too. Blech.

Just love your kid for who she is and stop being disappointed in her.

Our elementary was big on awards--they had an award for everything. My son always got the "principal's pride" award. As my son told me, "that's what they give to the kids who aren't good at anything." Sad.

What's hard is making her work a little because she only wants to play and do the fun stuff, nothing that requires effort.

Gee, you just described me!

Anonymous wrote:OP here. So what I'm seeing is that the elementary school system values good behavior and obedience above all. That's sad.

They do value good behavior and obedience. Not as much in K, but as the kids get older this is true. Luckily in most public schools each year your child will get a new teacher and gets a chance to start anew.

And check out Aesop on the fox and sour grapes.

OP: perhaps she doesn't seem to be trying hard because she isn't. Think about your supplementing and your competitive nature. Maybe by trying to make her one of the best, you are undermining her chance to learn on her own? Or making it too boring to try hard at school?

There are many ways to stretch your kids intellect without directly aiming for elite outcomes at school.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. So what I'm seeing is that the elementary school system values good behavior and obedience above all. That's sad.

Your scorn for good manners, good behavior, and trying hard don't bode well. Believe me, your daughter picks up on this.

You need an attitude adjustment, and to dial back your justifications about why your child isn't doing as well as her friend.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. So what I'm seeing is that the elementary school system values good behavior and obedience above all. That's sad.

Is that what you're seeing? What I'm seeing (from your post) is that your daughter's friend got an award in kindergarten that your daughter didn't get, and you're using that to indict the entire system.

There are going to be lots and lots and lots and lots of awards that other children get in school that your daughter doesn't get. That doesn't mean that the system is rigged, or bad, or hates your daughter. It's just a fact. And if you don't accept that fact, you are going to have a very stressful next 12 years.

OP here. So what I'm seeing is that the elementary school system values good behavior and obedience above all. That's sad.