Anonymous
Post 10/13/2014 22:51     Subject: Men do you defend your so or dw?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Yeah, woman here who doesn't expect anyone to defend me. Perhaps it would be different if I had married younger, or something, but I got to my mid-30s single, and had to learn to deal with situations myself.

Also, I don't need to defend against anything too often, and it's obvious from your post you see more instances where you do. The guy who was rude to you in the store? Not saying it wouldn't hasn't happened to me, but not only would I not expect my SO to defend me, I wouldn't defend myself. Dude is being an ass, and I'm not a fan of confrontation for the sake of it, when there is nothing to be gained.

Two exceptions to this, where I would expect my SO to rise to my defense: in the case of a partner his family or friends, because in that one situation it's better him defend me than me defend myself, and in the case of a physical threat, because, let's face it - he's quite a bit bigger than me.


I've been with my Dh since I was 20 years old and deal with situations by myself. I'm a big girl, I wear big girl panties, and I have a big girl job. I don't need someone defending me, but I'm never in a situation where I need defending. There seems to be an odd dynamic going on with the OP.


I'm the poster you quoted and just wanted to say I meant no slight against people who do marry early, or assumption that everyone who did would feel the same way. Was just trying to look for tangible reasons why OPs point of view might be so different than my own. Clearly, from the responses on here, most, regardless of the age at which they found their partners, feel that she is either taking offense often, or causing situations which require her to be defended, more often than most.
Anonymous
Post 10/13/2014 22:48     Subject: Men do you defend your so or dw?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:So none of you have been in a situation where someone insulted you in front of your so?


No.

OP sounds like drama follows her. There's much more to this story.


+1

My ILs and I get along, but barring some jabs from a mean MIL I can't imagine a scenario in which you'd need your SO to defend you. Who is insulting you? Why? Could you give us examples so we can comprehend the severity of the insult??
Anonymous
Post 10/13/2014 21:01     Subject: Men do you defend your so or dw?
Anonymous wrote:Yeah, woman here who doesn't expect anyone to defend me. Perhaps it would be different if I had married younger, or something, but I got to my mid-30s single, and had to learn to deal with situations myself.

Also, I don't need to defend against anything too often, and it's obvious from your post you see more instances where you do. The guy who was rude to you in the store? Not saying it wouldn't hasn't happened to me, but not only would I not expect my SO to defend me, I wouldn't defend myself. Dude is being an ass, and I'm not a fan of confrontation for the sake of it, when there is nothing to be gained.

Two exceptions to this, where I would expect my SO to rise to my defense: in the case of a partner his family or friends, because in that one situation it's better him defend me than me defend myself, and in the case of a physical threat, because, let's face it - he's quite a bit bigger than me.


I've been with my Dh since I was 20 years old and deal with situations by myself. I'm a big girl, I wear big girl panties, and I have a big girl job. I don't need someone defending me, but I'm never in a situation where I need defending. There seems to be an odd dynamic going on with the OP.
Anonymous
Post 10/13/2014 20:58     Subject: Men do you defend your so or dw?
Anonymous wrote:So none of you have been in a situation where someone insulted you in front of your so?


No.

OP sounds like drama follows her. There's much more to this story.
Anonymous
Post 10/13/2014 20:52     Subject: Men do you defend your so or dw?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:As your man, it is his DUTY to defend you to the hilt.

If anyone disrespects you, he should have your back in a heartbeat.

Doesn't he do that for his mom?


What a ridiculous comment. A spouse's job is not to defend you to the hilt. Sometimes, spouses are wrong. Sometimes spouses screw up. Sometimes, criticisms of your spouse or valid. A spouse's job is to help encourage each other to be better, which may include NOT defending you, when you're in the wrong.

Who are you ridiculous princesses that are receiving so much "disrespect" that you need to be defended with any regularity? I'm a female, and a feminist at that. I can defend myself. And if I'm really wrong, I want my spouse to call me out on it - not defend me at any cost. That's no way to sustain a good relationship. Or go through life as a grounded human being.


You are wrong PP. Let NO man put asunder.
Wife might be wrong as rain and they can discuss that in private at home. To the rest of the world,friends,family they are 1. Op's DH is a little number2.
Anonymous
Post 10/13/2014 12:24     Subject: Re:Men do you defend your so or dw?
Of course my DH should defend you, I would defend mine if someone insulted him. Number of years ago a guy shoved me (hard) at a public venue and my DH put him on the ground. I'd have been really upset if he had acted like a milquetoast and done nothing. That said, OP, if you are constantly in a situation where you need defending or have people yelling at you - the story about your DH coworker is just bizarre - it's you, not them, and your DH isn't defending you because you cause too many scenes.
Anonymous
Post 10/13/2014 12:08     Subject: Men do you defend your so or dw?
The situations where I need to "defend" my SO are somewhere between never and non-existent, but no, when I believe my SO is 'wrong' about something, I choose to say nothing as opposed to sticking up for her.
Anonymous
Post 10/13/2014 10:22     Subject: Men do you defend your so or dw?
I can't remember the last time I was insulted by someone. I don't think it's ever happened in front of DH. If it did and I felt the need for a response I would NOT want DH to presume to respond on my behalf. If someone like a family member said something behind my back that might be a different story, but that hasn't happened either.

Why would a man need to intervene in a verbal exchange? If someone sweeping a floor says something rude to me I am at least as qualified as any man to respond to that person. I don't need a go-between.
Anonymous
Post 10/13/2014 10:03     Subject: Men do you defend your so or dw?
Anonymous wrote:As your man, it is his DUTY to defend you to the hilt.

If anyone disrespects you, he should have your back in a heartbeat.

Doesn't he do that for his mom?


What a ridiculous comment. A spouse's job is not to defend you to the hilt. Sometimes, spouses are wrong. Sometimes spouses screw up. Sometimes, criticisms of your spouse or valid. A spouse's job is to help encourage each other to be better, which may include NOT defending you, when you're in the wrong.

Who are you ridiculous princesses that are receiving so much "disrespect" that you need to be defended with any regularity? I'm a female, and a feminist at that. I can defend myself. And if I'm really wrong, I want my spouse to call me out on it - not defend me at any cost. That's no way to sustain a good relationship. Or go through life as a grounded human being.
Anonymous
Post 10/13/2014 09:54     Subject: Men do you defend your so or dw?
As your man, it is his DUTY to defend you to the hilt.

If anyone disrespects you, he should have your back in a heartbeat.

Doesn't he do that for his mom?
Anonymous
Post 10/12/2014 16:28     Subject: Men do you defend your so or dw?
Anonymous wrote:Op- pps are harsh. Yes, I have been there many times with my dh. I finally had a lengthy talk with him and he is much much better.

Have you tried a sit down with him?


I can't even being to fathom what that conversation would entail. Why are you not defending yourself? Why is it his responsibility to defend you? If you're like OP and drama just falls in your lap, that's on you to speak up. I don't get this. Now, if people are regularly attacking you, there's a bigger problem than whether your partner defends you or not.
Anonymous
Post 10/12/2014 15:09     Subject: Men do you defend your so or dw?
Anonymous wrote:Op- pps are harsh. Yes, I have been there many times with my dh. I finally had a lengthy talk with him and he is much much better.

Have you tried a sit down with him?


Bunch of femi nazis
Anonymous
Post 10/12/2014 14:49     Subject: Men do you defend your so or dw?
My husband's job is to love me. I can defend myself just fine.
Anonymous
Post 10/12/2014 14:31     Subject: Men do you defend your so or dw?
I bet OP's DH also doesn't place his jacket over a puddle when she needs to walk through one.