Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I returned to work after 2 years. In many ways working is logistically harder, but SAH was mind numbing and depressing. I returned to workat at a 60k salary and now 6 years later Im pushing 200. Though my DH does jot have a family friendly career my income covers a housekeeper/ nanny between the hours of 1pm-5pm. I do no laundry, no grocery shopping, no errand running, no Costco runs...housekeeper even gets dinner prepped and kids off the bus and started on homework. I get to come home at 5 and enjoy the kids. I feel like having a life outside the home makes me appreciate even more what I've got at home.

This sounds sad to me, for some reason.

What reason? Never do laundry or go grocery shopping or having to step foot in a Costco? Having a assistant help get dinner ready? Sounds like a dream come true.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get a job. This will not make you happy long term. And encourage your spouse to get a more family friendly job once you're working. It's his child too - not just your responsibility.

She has a job. A very hard one. OP, it is a stage. It gets better

Agree with you. And who ARE these people who think getting a job is the answer, anyway? You're exhausted and bored as a SAHM? I have an idea. Get a job! That will solve it! Here's what will help: Get up at 5 a.m., pump, make bottles, pack a bag, then get yourself dressed and go fight traffic to sit in an office and deal with demanding clients/ coworkers for 9 hours, fight traffic again, race to get baby from daycare before the dreaded dollar a minute penalty kicks in, come home, start Job number 2. Cook dinner, clean house, get laundry done, wash bottles, try to find 15 minutes to see said baby and husband. And...REPEAT. Until Dead!

This is not every working mom's experience. I commute most mornings to the coffee pot downstairs.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get a job. This will not make you happy long term. And encourage your spouse to get a more family friendly job once you're working. It's his child too - not just your responsibility.

She has a job. A very hard one. OP, it is a stage. It gets better

Agree with you. And who ARE these people who think getting a job is the answer, anyway? You're exhausted and bored as a SAHM? I have an idea. Get a job! That will solve it! Here's what will help: Get up at 5 a.m., pump, make bottles, pack a bag, then get yourself dressed and go fight traffic to sit in an office and deal with demanding clients/ coworkers for 9 hours, fight traffic again, race to get baby from daycare before the dreaded dollar a minute penalty kicks in, come home, start Job number 2. Cook dinner, clean house, get laundry done, wash bottles, try to find 15 minutes to see said baby and husband. And...REPEAT. Until Dead!

Perhaps you can hire a part~time babysitter to give you some free time during the week.

You will be amazed at what a difference some "me" time will make in your life.

It will give you something to look forward to each week + you can possibly interact w/other adults on a regular basis.

Maybe you can sign up for an Adult Ed. class locally. Or try a yoga class, perhaps join a walking group, etc.

Setting some hours aside each week to spend time w/others, to have some adult conversation will be a wonderful diversion in your life.

Anonymous wrote:Get a job. This will not make you happy long term. And encourage your spouse to get a more family friendly job once you're working. It's his child too - not just your responsibility.

She has a job. A very hard one. OP, it is a stage. It gets better

Find a gym with childcare or find a mom's day out or part time daycare option. I know my 11 month old loves being around other kids. Since you have no family in town, work on getting a sitter that can do the evening bed routine. Even if it's just once a month to go out with old friends or your dh. You need it! I work but have an 11 month old and this stage is exhausting. We are lucky and have grandparents who can watch ds. Mostly it sounds like you need a break. You can't do this 24/7 without crashing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are overwhelmed taking care of one child. You are depressed and have no motivation.

You need a job.

You don't need tennis. Or mom friends. Or coffee dates. You need to do something meaningful with your life, and for many reasons, staying at home is not meaningful enough. No harm in that. Get a job. You are withering on the vine sitting at home.

OP here. But what you're saying assumes that one feels one's job is meaningful. Not all jobs are. Many jobs are boring. I did not feel that my last job/career was meaningful. I dreaded going into work every day. Many people would love to find a meaningful job but realistically they can't get one. So unless I change career fields, perhaps go back to school for another master's degree, I'm not sure that I wouldn't be withering on the vine sitting in an office.

You poo-poo everything.

I agress with another poster. You seem plain old depressed. One child is a breeze. There are single moms who do this and work and manage to be happy.

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are overwhelmed taking care of one child. You are depressed and have no motivation.

You need a job.

You don't need tennis. Or mom friends. Or coffee dates. You need to do something meaningful with your life, and for many reasons, staying at home is not meaningful enough. No harm in that. Get a job. You are withering on the vine sitting at home.

OP here. But what you're saying assumes that one feels one's job is meaningful. Not all jobs are. Many jobs are boring. I did not feel that my last job/career was meaningful. I dreaded going into work every day. Many people would love to find a meaningful job but realistically they can't get one. So unless I change career fields, perhaps go back to school for another master's degree, I'm not sure that I wouldn't be withering on the vine sitting in an office.

The first months and years as a baby where for me the hardest- I did go back to work but partially out of a lucrative opportunity and eventually necessity. I am now on a break- now that the kids are in ES, the SAHM part is ok- I do think I do less than when I worked but I am trying to get back into it. The children activities and classes get pretty busy as they get older (these are ones that they picked- my daughter passed on soccer after almost 4 years and didn't want to do travel soccer- phew!).

OP, you are overwhelmed taking care of one child. You are depressed and have no motivation.

You need a job.

You don't need tennis. Or mom friends. Or coffee dates. You need to do something meaningful with your life, and for many reasons, staying at home is not meaningful enough. No harm in that. Get a job. You are withering on the vine sitting at home.

Anonymous wrote:Your drained and exhausted from raising one child? Sounds more like your just depressed.

OP here. Yes, when you have no local family to give you a break, no support network, when your spouse works 70 hour weeks plus weekends plus travel (so I now have his hours too which is exhausting), and your child isn't sleeping through the night, then yes, I am drained and exhausted from raising one child.

Anonymous wrote:It might be a phase. You are adjusting to an active child and you lost your friends who went back to work after maternity leave.

I can't say what's right for you, but I can say that things will change. You will start making new friends, and your baby's activity will turn into lots of fun experiences.

This. Find a sitter, for once in awhile, even if it's a quick trip for you to get coffee alone, to get exercise, etc

Your drained and exhausted from raising one child? Sounds more like your just depressed.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, what do you *you* like to do? What hobbies and interests do you have? I have personally found a good way to meet other "mom" friends is to engage in some things that you like and you will meet others there. I found women who were the most like me and who I most wanted to be friends with when I started playing daytime tennis. My kids are a little older than yours (the oldest is now 3) and I'm really interested in staying home full-time soon, partly because I relish the opportunity to do things I'm interested in for myself as well as for my kids. I can see how staying home would be boring and isolating if I didn't have anything I wanted to do other than take care of a baby. And if you're willing to get a part-time mother's helper you may have time for something that you are interested in.

It will get better as the kid gets older. The way you describe this does sound like staying at home is a good option for your family, and I completely concur with other posters who have suggested that going back to work is not necessarily the answer because then you will just be more exhausted doing it all.

OP here. Well, the problem is having the energy these days to spend on hobbies. My child wakes up for the day at 6 am, and I take care of her until spouse comes home at 6 pm. Once a week spouse travels for work, in which case I am taking care of my child for a few days at a time. She also does not sleep through the night. I wish I had more energy but I don't really have the energy for many hobbies at this time. I don't have the energy to go out on the weekdays. I can go out on the weekends, but my husband works some weekends, so I am taking care of my child then, and most of the moms I have met are not interested in getting together on the weekends because that is family time. So weekends would be my only time to do hobbies. I guess my main hobby-related interests are exercise and crafts/artistic things. I haven't really explored taking a class or going to a gym due to the lack of energy issue.

Yes, that completely makes sense. I remember that phase. It's rough.

Best advice I can give you is to do whatever it takes to get the baby to sleep through the night. Ferber. Something. Having no energy will lead you to boredom in a heartbeat.

Explore some exercise options where you can bring the child - gyms with childcare, Stroller Strides, etc.

Getting a job isn't going to get you any more energy, by the way -- it will only deplete it further.

I think you've got to find a way to get more sleep and more rest, and then find things you want to do and you will meet other women who like those things to, and that's where the natural friendships will come. None of this is to discount how tough it is to be a SAHM to a kid under 2, though. it will get better.

OP, I've been a SAHM for 10 years (my youngest just started kindergarten) and I remember being in your shoes when my firstborn was a baby. It will get easier! One thing that is hard to envision right now, but that is really true, is that your baby is on the cusp of becoming so much more interesting and unique a person. Once she is really exploring, interacting with other kids, and making you laugh on purpose, your relationship will change. Finding an activity (or two or three) to regularly attend together is a great idea, because she's just getting old enough to be able to enjoy them. For me, a weekly Kindermusik class was huge-- we met other awesome SAHMs and kids who are still friends with my kids today! We also attended a weekly storytime at the library and a weekly open gym at a county recreation center. I may have only spent an hour each week at each of these activities, but they connected me with other parents whose kids were at a similar stage as mine, and the babies really do benefit from these things. Just having a plan for the day (today is story time day! And we'll go out to lunch afterward!) really helped me.

Hang in there, mama. Your baby is lucky to have you at home with her every day.