Anonymous wrote:No, I would not let him bully me into this. I would just ignore him.

+1

I'm a dad and I still think you should not do it. While the child is a minor, the child should have the same name as the custodial parent. It makes things easier.

If you want, you can add the father's name as a second middle name like John Robert Dadson Momson, but otherwise, I would not recommend you anything more than this. If he wants the child to have his name, then he needs to stick around and be a good father for the next 15 years and convince his son to change his name legally to father's last name upon reaching his majority.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Actions speak louder than words. He was absent for the first 3 years of his child's life. Now he's back and wants you to change the kid's last name to his? No way. You are under no obligation to do so.

Or, maybe the issue is mom didn't want him involved, ran him off and then decided she wanted him involved because of the child support/income she could receive. We only know one side of the story. There is no harm in a child having both last names. Simple solution.

How does one "run him off" exactly? If the bio dad wanted to be involved, unless the mom fled the country and disappeared, he could've gone to court back when the baby was born to fight for his rights. Why didn't he insist on establishing paternity after birth then?

Not everyone has the financial means to fight it out in court, and then go back and get things enforced regularly. Have you been through a custody battle? We are about $60,000 in to one with no end in sight. And, that is our share. That does not include what the other parties are spending. We have exhausted our savings.

The court will not order you to change the name.

- a lawyer

FWIW, I would not change the name, personally.

No, I would not let him bully me into this. I would just ignore him.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Actions speak louder than words. He was absent for the first 3 years of his child's life. Now he's back and wants you to change the kid's last name to his? No way. You are under no obligation to do so.

Or, maybe the issue is mom didn't want him involved, ran him off and then decided she wanted him involved because of the child support/income she could receive. We only know one side of the story. There is no harm in a child having both last names. Simple solution.

How does one "run him off" exactly? If the bio dad wanted to be involved, unless the mom fled the country and disappeared, he could've gone to court back when the baby was born to fight for his rights. Why didn't he insist on establishing paternity after birth then?

OP, I have the same situation, except my DD's biological father is still absent.

I'd wait a couple years and see if bio-dad sticks around before you make any changes at all. Then if he does stick around, I would compromise and change DC's middle name to bio-dad's last name. No hyphenated last name. That way bio-dad is represented and DC doesn't go through any weird adjustment.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Actions speak louder than words. He was absent for the first 3 years of his child's life. Now he's back and wants you to change the kid's last name to his? No way. You are under no obligation to do so.

Or, maybe the issue is mom didn't want him involved, ran him off and then decided she wanted him involved because of the child support/income she could receive. We only know one side of the story. There is no harm in a child having both last names. Simple solution.

We've told you repeatedly this is not the answer. Troll, no man with a real pair of balls would let anybody keep them away from their child. Any person who believes this nonsense should not be having kids. Snip~Snip

You really think it is that easy. Humm... no

Yes- I think if you - specifically - stop having babies with nitwits you would probably leave this board. You need to really take a hard look at yourself and see why you have selected women that make you so angry.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Actions speak louder than words. He was absent for the first 3 years of his child's life. Now he's back and wants you to change the kid's last name to his? No way. You are under no obligation to do so.

Or, maybe the issue is mom didn't want him involved, ran him off and then decided she wanted him involved because of the child support/income she could receive. We only know one side of the story. There is no harm in a child having both last names. Simple solution.

We've told you repeatedly this is not the answer. Troll, no man with a real pair of balls would let anybody keep them away from their child. Any person who believes this nonsense should not be having kids. Snip~Snip

You really think it is that easy. Humm... no

(1) I would bet a lot of money that no court is going to order you to change your child's name.

(2) There is no way I would do this under these circumstances.

No chance. I would never, never give my child an absent father's name. No way. YOU are this child's family and his family name is your family name because you are his family, always have been. His father has been absent and may someday become family, but he is not now. Later in life, your child may choose to add a father's name to his own, but absolutely do not do this now. And no court will make you.

My child carries my name with my DH's full support, BTW.

Anonymous wrote:I suspect he has no chance in hell. But ask a lawyer.

+1 , Esq

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Actions speak louder than words. He was absent for the first 3 years of his child's life. Now he's back and wants you to change the kid's last name to his? No way. You are under no obligation to do so.

Or, maybe the issue is mom didn't want him involved, ran him off and then decided she wanted him involved because of the child support/income she could receive. We only know one side of the story. There is no harm in a child having both last names. Simple solution.

We've told you repeatedly this is not the answer. Troll, no man with a real pair of balls would let anybody keep them away from their child. Any person who believes this nonsense should not be having kids. Snip~Snip

Anonymous wrote:Actions speak louder than words. He was absent for the first 3 years of his child's life. Now he's back and wants you to change the kid's last name to his? No way. You are under no obligation to do so.

Or, maybe the issue is mom didn't want him involved, ran him off and then decided she wanted him involved because of the child support/income she could receive. We only know one side of the story. There is no harm in a child having both last names. Simple solution.

There is no way a court would grant a last name change from that of the mother to that of the father over the objection of the mother, absent some showing that having the mother's name was not in the "best interests" of the child. (Maybe the Mom's name is Hitler, maybe the mom has been abusive and keeping the name is perpetuated a trauma, etc.)

Worst case scenario for you would be that the court orders some kind of hyphenated last name with both father and mother's last names.

Think of the sexism in it -- choosing the male over female last name implies that having the male's name, even if he didn't initially acknowledge parenthood and didn't live with the child, is better/more important than having the female's name.

Even if a lower court granted it, there is no way it would hold up on appeal.

It is the kind of default male preference that Ruth Bader Ginsburg spent her life fighting. She would love to take your case at the SC and any women's rights organization would love to fight it for free for you!

Just tell him no, and let him do whatever..... worst case scenario is that he files and you have to defend in court. If it gets that far you could probably mediate out a hyphenated last name, or you could choose to fight.

Honestly, I wouldn't give in on this. The kind of control your ex is trying to exert is creepy. You weren't married when the kid was born, he didn't acknowledge paternity at the time of birth, so he lost the opportunity to influence the name. Unless you were keeping some kind of secret about the baby, your ex has to live with the natural consequences of his actions.