both of US. separately.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do u think he is depressed? Definitely the two issues he identified sounds likely. But can you identify too what he could be angry about? Did he have trauma In his life?

I thought he was depressed because he is so damn irritable.
I don't know why he is angry. No trauma. Spouse and I are married, we have money, I was a SAHM when they were younger. I gave them lots of attn.
I don't know. He has never accepted having adhd. He is angry I had him on meds before.

He had trouble before with peers at school. He is doing better now, but I think all these things contributed.

Did the psychologist/therapist interview him and you, or just one of you?

Anonymous wrote:Why do u think he is depressed? Definitely the two issues he identified sounds likely. But can you identify too what he could be angry about? Did he have trauma In his life?

I thought he was depressed because he is so damn irritable.
I don't know why he is angry. No trauma. Spouse and I are married, we have money, I was a SAHM when they were younger. I gave them lots of attn.
I don't know. He has never accepted having adhd. He is angry I had him on meds before.

He had trouble before with peers at school. He is doing better now, but I think all these things contributed.

Why do u think he is depressed? Definitely the two issues he identified sounds likely. But can you identify too what he could be angry about? Did he have trauma In his life?

We saw the therapist. He does not think ds is depressed. That surprised me, he does think ds has anger and self esteem issues.

Anonymous wrote:he chews pens and any other random objects.

I think it's common among adhd children to chew things. My daughter also has adhd and is a major pen and clothes chewer. And she doesn't like chewlery at all as she is in her teens too. Any ideas anyone to redirect her?

he chews pens and any other random objects.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Son doesn't have anxiety but does like chewing.
I thinks it's a sensory adhd thing.

Thanks everyone for all the support. I am definitely doing therapy for him. Though I emailed the therapist Monday at noon and haven't heard back yet for an appt.

Anyway, I decided I also need some therapy to deal with this.
Feeling a bit better as ds and I had a good talk. He says he doesn't like to talk about feelings, I guess that's normal????

1134 here - Yey! good that you also had a chat with him. Does he chew clothes or nails or something? If it is sensory, then I guess you could get him gum or some of the chewelry thing (but then again he is 15) Or maybe some stirrers to satisfy the need.

Yes, verbalising is difficult ......

Hang in there, OP. We are rooting for you.

OP here. Son doesn't have anxiety but does like chewing.
I thinks it's a sensory adhd thing.

Thanks everyone for all the support. I am definitely doing therapy for him. Though I emailed the therapist Monday at noon and haven't heard back yet for an appt.

Anyway, I decided I also need some therapy to deal with this.
Feeling a bit better as ds and I had a good talk. He says he doesn't like to talk about feelings, I guess that's normal????

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like my son, he is a chewer too. I don't want meds but it scares me for example, that if he was depressed, he wouldn't take them, if needed.

In any event, hopefully therapy will help because what I am doing isn't working.

2011 here. Yes, I think the assessment phase is the most important part of the whole thing. From our personal experience, you can gauge from the first one to three meetings. While some therapists are "reputed", I personally feel there is a "chemistry" aspect to it big time. Maybe mine's a girl so things could be a bit more "feely" but it really has to be "feel-y" to be comfortable.

Oh your son is a chewer? Is he very anxious as well? I think my daughter had her subconscious crying out loud to let it out...... When young, she was a big time book chewer, pen chewer and coat chewer. Like she would really bite a whole chunk of her collar away. And she had this tendency to bite and pull to give a teeth clenching effect. We didn't know then and tried to make her stop. Painted stuff on her pens and nails, reprimanded her for chewing her coats and necklaces etc. It went away for a bit but then she had to find avenues to get rid of that nervous energy and the fustration. She turned to tearing books or taking sticks and smashing it on trees which we also tried to make her stop. And then it just got worse..... So sometimes actions we do to stop behaviors without getting to the root cause of why they happen is not always a good idea. Anyway we learnt now. So if he is chewing, let him chew. Its better than him throwing things in the room and if you stop that too, he might bottle up and end up doing something even more violent. Cutting is already a sign of numbness to reality...

All the best and do let us know how things are going. DCUM is great. You are never really alone in some aspects and yet not spilling too much personal secrets because we are annoymous..... love it! *hugs*

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will give it time. I just worry he won't open up fully to the therapist. I mean I think he talks but maybe he doesn't tell everything. I don't know.
He is also stubborn, so I worry he won't take what he learns and apply it in this daily life. I try to teach him relaxation techniques and he acts annoyed.

Wrong move, do not give it time. You can't worry about him opening up with a therapist, thats the therapist's job. They do this all day long and know what they are doing. It really sounds like you are trying to talk yourself out of getting help for your DS. Just get him help.

OP here. I wasn't clear. I am getting him help. I meant that I Need to give therapy time. I am ABSOLUTELY getting him help. this is beyond my capability.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And sometimes I feel so alone in dealing with this,

8:56 again. I want to address this because I can empathize that you feel so alone.

It's good to talk to your friends over lunch, and that can help a lot.

But it will also help to enlist some professional advice. Getting targeted professional advice will help give you back a sense of control and direction, and this can help alleviate the frustration you're probably feeling. Unfortunately, it's pricey, and most insurance plans don't cover therapy. Do you have a parent or ex-spouse who can contribute? That's how we managed.

I'm thinking of two types of advice specifically:
(1) Cognitive behavioral therapy to deal with anger management (and is your son cutting? I couldn't tell whose post that was). There are specific techniques that a trained specialist can teach your son. This is different from plain old talk therapy, because the therapist will work directly with your son on techniques to use next time the cellphone is acting up.
(2) Help with organizing homework and chores. You can get books on this, or you can hire someone. Sometimes it really helps to get a third party, who is not a parent, to teach these skills. If you google, there are local companies that specialize in teaching organization/executive function skills to ADHD kids.

my parents died. yes he did try cutting. I am married. I will find ways to afford it but it is not cheap.

Anonymous wrote:I will give it time. I just worry he won't open up fully to the therapist. I mean I think he talks but maybe he doesn't tell everything. I don't know.
He is also stubborn, so I worry he won't take what he learns and apply it in this daily life. I try to teach him relaxation techniques and he acts annoyed.

I understand your worry but the therapist is trained to deal with that. You are not. You are trying to do this for him. You can't. And the fact that you're trying so hard may be part of the problem. You sound like a great mom but you have to do the difficult work of living with the fact that you can't control whether he gets better. You may want to talk to a therapist to get help with that. Take care.

Anonymous wrote:And sometimes I feel so alone in dealing with this,

8:56 again. I want to address this because I can empathize that you feel so alone.

It's good to talk to your friends over lunch, and that can help a lot.

But it will also help to enlist some professional advice. Getting targeted professional advice will help give you back a sense of control and direction, and this can help alleviate the frustration you're probably feeling. Unfortunately, it's pricey, and most insurance plans don't cover therapy. Do you have a parent or ex-spouse who can contribute? That's how we managed.

I'm thinking of two types of advice specifically:
(1) Cognitive behavioral therapy to deal with anger management (and is your son cutting? I couldn't tell whose post that was). There are specific techniques that a trained specialist can teach your son. This is different from plain old talk therapy, because the therapist will work directly with your son on techniques to use next time the cellphone is acting up.
(2) Help with organizing homework and chores. You can get books on this, or you can hire someone. Sometimes it really helps to get a third party, who is not a parent, to teach these skills. If you google, there are local companies that specialize in teaching organization/executive function skills to ADHD kids.